On tonight's America's Next Top Model, the models are getting a much-needed dose of reality. (No guarantee it will make any difference for these all stars, though.)

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In case you haven't already, get out your finest prayer shawl, because tonight is the season finale of America's Next Top Model.

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It's bad enough that vampires are invading our book shelves, our movie theaters and our scripted dramas, but our reality television? Is nothing sacred? Just when you thought ANTM had enough backbiting and sucking up in it, this week's episode is called "America's Next Top Vampire," and the photo shoot challenge sees them all dressed up as vampires, with holes in their necks and dead white eyes, posing in a bathtub full of blood. And can we just say, we totally called it?

Tags: America's Next Top Model, vampires

November 14, 2009
Gina Gershon stars as a badass (because that's what Gina Gershon does) in Everything She Ever Wanted (Lifetime, 8 PM). According to the movie's website, for those living amongst Gershon's character Pat, "no one was safe when Pat Allanson didn't get her way." Sounds about right.

January Jones (a.k.a. Betty Draper) stops by Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM), and the Black Eyed Peas, who continue to try too hard with both their music and fashion, will perform.

November 15, 2009
Oh, look! It's just what humanity needs! A second season of the reality competition Tough Love (VH1, 9 PM), in which women with low self-esteem and anger issues are coached into better romantic relationships. Because that's just what you need when you hate yourself -- a partner upon whom you can project your issues!

AMC's retelling of the 1960s version of The Prisoner (AMC, 8 PM) stars Jim Caviezel. Caviezel's character, known as Six, finds himself under constant surveillance among others identified only by numbers. I suppose it's kind of like the DMV.

November 16, 2009
For some crazy reason, the 16th season premiere of Inside the Actor's Studio (Bravo, 8 PM) has Bon Jovi as the guest. Whatever will they talk about? Surely an hour is too long to discuss the merits of Jon's role on Ally McBeal.

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick -- Lady Gaga comes to Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM). What will she wear? Jenny Humphrey, you better bring your fashion A game this week.

Chef Academy (Bravo, 11 PM) features endless disgusted looks and throwing food in trash cans. The "world's sexiest chef" (not sure who voted for that title), Jean Christophe Novelli, who has an awesome French accent, will school young'uns in the kitchen.

November 17, 2009
Even if you don't have kids, the NBC Special: Merry Madagascar (NBC, 8 PM) may be worth a look. Nothing says holiday cheer like animals voiced by celebrities.

Finally, this Heather Locklear mess is about to go down. Amanda returns to a lesser version of the show that made her infamous on Melrose Place (The CW, 9 PM).

November 18, 2009
It's down to Laura and Nicole on the season finale of America's Next Top Model (The CW, 8 PM). Will they survive a runway challenge that incorporates wind and rain? More importantly, which of the contestants will win the chance to fade into obscurity like the rest of the past winners?

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words...sorry, Elton John just gets to me. The kids of Glee (FOX, 9 PM) are paired off to sing their favorite ballads tonight.

Claire wants to surprise Phil with a performance by Izzy Lafontaine (Ed Norton, in a Ron Wood wig and fake British accent) on Modern Family (ABC, 9 PM). Elizabeth Banks also guest stars as someone with large boobies.

The 13th fall season finale of South Park (Comedy, 10 PM) airs tonight.

November 19, 2009
On this week's Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM), Leslie invites herself to Ron's annual hunting trip. Hopefully she will not know how to use a rifle.

If you're a Fringe (FOX, 9 PM) fan, you'll probably be happy to know the show will be focusing on The Observer tonight, rather than a monster-of-the-week like they have been of late. There may be more than one Observer, and he may not be as evil as one thinks.

Meredith's father visits Seattle Grace on Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9 PM). Not surprisingly, Mr. Grey disapproves of his daughter's life choices.

How is it still not over? The sixth season finale of Project Runway (Lifetime, 10 PM) is tonight. My prediction for the winner: Irina.

Tags: america's next top model, Fringe, gossip girl, lifetime movies, melrose place, Modern Family, Parks and Recreation, project runway, saturday night live

It's time for Irish eyes to be smizing! And all other ethnicities of eyes! Tyra Banks is back with a new herd of pretty, vacuous models to bark at. As usual, they all have ridiculous names like Alasia, Naduah, Anslee and Ren, and they come from such exotic locales as Minnetonka, Minnesota and Dacula, Georgia, but mostly the midwest and Texas. Because to a small-town girl, this is the only conceivable way to break into modeling, and they also scream the loudest when you tell them they get to ride on an aeroplane.

Tags: america's next top model, Cycle 14, Tyra Banks