October 24, 2009
At first I thought this was that Ricky Gervais movie. But this Ghost Town (SyFy, 9 PM), is really about a bus full of high school students "who find out how the west was really won." Saloon prostitutes must have played a big role.
The documentary Bon Jovi: When We Were Beautiful (Showtime, 9 PM) explores the band's life on and off the road. Maybe Jon will explain why all of their songs include the phrases "it's my life" and "I'm gonna live." It's so repetitive.
October 25, 2009
Werewolves. So hot right now. If you care, an Animal Planet special, Werewolves: The Dark Survivors (Animal Planet, 9 PM) airs tonight.
Larry and Jerry collaborate for the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO, 9 PM) and debate whether an encounter with a bare midriffed assistant should be included. I don't know... this could be headed into Letterman territory.
It's probably best if you haven't been watching My Antonio (VH1, 10 PM). But if you want to find out what faceless blonde Antonio Sabato Jr. chooses to be his next ex, the finale airs tonight.
October 26, 2009
Another trashy dating show finale! Real Chance of Love 2 (VH1, 9 PM) wraps up on Monday night. I'm predicting a third installment of Real's feminine hairstyle embarking on the hunt for love.
In this Halloween-themed episode of Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM), Chuck Bass opens his new club in the hotel ahead of time. He also might kiss a guy. Again.
TLC is sucking the last drops of liquid money from the rapidly drying oil well that was Jon and Kate. The special Jon & Kate Plus 8: You Ask, Kate Answers (TLC, 9 PM) forces stupid Kate to answer stupid questions from stupid viewers.
Will the vampire craze let down anytime soon? I didn't think so. Castle (ABC, 10 PM) gets in on the trend when he and Beckett encounter a murder victim with fangs and a stake driven through his heart.
October 27, 2009
Mike Epps hosts the 2009 BET Hip Hop Awards (BET, 8 PM). My pick for Hustler of the Year: me. What, I wasn't nominated? Fine, give it to Jay-Z.
The Top 20 perform on So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8 PM). Our only qualm so far: too much tap.
The terror reign of the Duggar family's fully functioning reproductive organs continues on 18 Kids & Counting: Anna Duggar Birth Special (TLC, 9 PM).
In contrast with the Duggars, here's a show featuring a couple that we hope can have a child this season. The second season of The Little Couple (TLC, 10 PM) premieres tonight.
I love you, I honestly love you... Jeff Lewis. I just have the feeling that we have like souls. Be my friend, Jeff. The Flipping Out: Reunion Special (Bravo, 10 PM) wraps up the third season.
October 28, 2009
A Halloween special for the whole family, Monsters Vs. Aliens: Mutant Pumpkins from Outer Space (NBC, 8 PM), actually looks really cute. And it takes a lot for me to call something cute.
If by some chance you have DirecTV, you'll be able to watch the fourth season of Friday Night Lights (The 101, 9 PM).
The FBI must intervene in a murder investigation on this week's Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9 PM), but Benson and Stabler (because they're so badass) continue their manhunt unaided.
Jay and Gloria disagree over an outfit Manny wants to wear to school on Modern Family (ABC, 9 PM). This sounds familiar. My mother did not like the Backstreet Boys and fingerless glove combo I tried to pull off in middle school.
October 29, 2009
On this week's Flash Forward (ABC, 8 PM), Demetri, Mark, and Wedeck try to connect the attack on Janis with the one made on them.
Kids are out of hand these days. A college football team is investigated on CSI (CBS, 9 PM) for the murder of their coach.
Betty White and Jeff Dunham guest star on this week's 30 Rock(NBC, 9:30 PM). Liz and Jack go to Kenneth's hometown to look for new talent (clearly just to make incest jokes about the south) and Tracy fears the "rule of three" of celebrity deaths when two celebrities die and he thinks he may be next.
Bravo's sneak peek of the Real Housewives of Atlanta: Reunion Special (Bravo, 10 PM) says it all: "Is Sheree gay?" Hmmm, the rest of my day will be occupied by this dire philosophical question.
The gang does their best to put on a wrestling match for the troops on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, 10 PM). Danny DeVito wears spandex, too.
The League (FX, 10:30 PM) is a new comedy about a group of friends addicted to Fantasy Football. This actually looks really funny from all the previews, but I could probably do without the Fantasy Football part.
If you're really into ghosts (like more than half of the Travel Channel's programming would lead me to believe), you may be interested in watching a seven hour special. Ghost Adventures: Ghost Adventures Live! (Travel, 8 PM) will document a night spent in the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum in West Virginia. Sheesh. Even the name of that asylum is crazy!
The title of this week's Law & Order (NBC, 8 PM) is "Human Flesh Search Engine." That's more than enough to get me to watch.
November 21, 2009
This movie wasn't good enough to be released in theaters, but Lifetime is taking some initiative and airing Personal Effects (Lifetime, 9 PM), an Ashton Kutcher and Michelle Pfeiffer sobfest about (what else?) a younger man falling in love with a much older woman.
Dear Joseph Gordon Levitt, I believe in you. Please be funny on Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM) this week. Love, Heather. P.S. Dave Matthews, will you please play a 17-minute version of "#41"? Just consider it.
November 22, 2009
Yay, an awards show! The American Music Awards (ABC, 8 PM) will feature a Taylor Swift/Lady Gaga showdown. By the way, this is the award shaped like a narrow glass pyramid, for some odd reason.
Will everything work out for a Seinfeld reunion show? Watch the seventh season finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO, 9 PM) to find out.
On My Fair Wedding (WE, 10 PM), Christina had planned to have her wedding on a Mexican beach, but the swine flu outbreak caused her to move it to a beach in... New Jersey.
November 23, 2009
Interested in seeing Lewis Black rant about the holidays? History Special: Surviving the Holidays with Lewis Black (History, 8 PM) will have the comedian explore the meaning behind the madness behind Thanksgiving football, who St. Nicholas really was, and why we drink on New Year's Day.
Barney fears a slapping from any one of his friends on How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 PM). Also, Lily's estranged father (Chris Elliott) shows up for the Thanksgiving victuals.
The end of an era is here. The last episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 9 PM) airs tonight. I still don't have the feeling that it's over, but for now, let's hope it is.
In the vein of feel-good reality shows, Find My Family (ABC, 9:30 PM) airs as a sneak preview tonight. On this show, people search for their long-lost family members (and cause viewers to break out the Kleenex).
Nerd-fantasy girl Katee Sackhoff will magically find her way into Howard's bathtub on The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 9:30 PM). Starbuck fans, take note.
November 24, 2009
Who among Donny Osmond, Mya, and Kelly Osbourne will reign supreme on the finale of Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 9 PM)? I think Donny needs to give it up.
That was fast. The winter season finale of V (ABC, 8 PM) airs tonight. New episodes will return in March.
For some odd reason, Chelsea Handler will guest star as herself on The Good Wife (CBS, 10 PM), because Peter's mistress appears on her show. Alicia then runs into said mistress in a parking garage. Ooh, bish, plz.
November 25, 2009
On a two-hour "Where are they now?" edition of The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8 PM), we catch up with the most popular contestants from the last seven seasons. But of course we're only interested in what they look like now.
Annoying Lindsay leaves her husband and moves in with Christine, her "divorcee role model," on The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS, 8 PM).
In the 100th episode of Criminal Minds, C. Thomas Howell (who will forever be Ponyboy, in my mind) returns as "The Reaper," a crazed serial killer out to kill Hotchner's family (CBS, 9 PM).
November 26, 2009
My guiltiest pleasure, Beyoncé, has a nice little Thanksgiving special this year. Beyoncé: I Am Yours (ABC, 9 PM) will have behind-the-scenes footage in addition to singing and dancing.
Matt Lauer takes a cue from Baba Wawa with his own NBC Special: NBC's People of the Year (NBC, 9 PM).
Another music special could be an option for those who are not fans of Beyoncé. Great Performances: Sting: A Winter's Night (PBS, 9 PM) will have Sting singing in an English cathedral. Damn, he probably won't be able to play "Roxanne" in a church.
And yet another Thanksgiving concert special! Paul McCartney: Good Evening New York (ABC, 10 PM) is self-explanatory.
November 27, 2009
In a much more realistic look at family dysfunction, a fifth season of Shameless (Sundance, 8 PM) premieres tonight. There's cussing, fighting and no laugh track. It's just like everyone else's family, but with heavy northern British accents.
Tonight is the much buzzed about episode of this series -- you know, the one that reunites the cast of Seinfeld. The idea itself is pretty genius, because it is far better to get a reunion of the actors from that landmark comedy, than getting an actual reunion special, where we find out what the characters have been doing in the last decade in a cheesy way. Presumably they got out of jail, unless they further ticked the judge off, and maybe spent a great deal of time deciding what this decade should be called. The O's? The Aughts? Neither is compelling, and it is just that sort of minutiae that this would have been all over when it was on.