It's time for yet another cycle of my favorite beautiful-people-getting-dressed-down-by-Tyra-Banks shitshow, America's Next Top Model (ANTM if you're nasty). Sadly there will be no transgender aspiring models this season, which is almost enough to make me lay down an embargo -- give me trannies or give me death! But not quite. This season cycle, to make up for the lack of former dudes, there will be a burn victim, an epileptic (not dog), a chick who used to date Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and a weirdo who claims to be obsessed with hemophila. Which according to my must-watch algorithm, is the equivalent of maybe a quarter of Isis's long, lithe pinky toe.

Tags: americas next top model, going through channels, make me a supermodel