Anderson Cooper's favorite show is almost back! One week before the Season 4 premiere of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, we'll get a glimpse of each housewife's history on The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Before They Were Stars. Because once you're on a reality show, nothing, I repeat, nothing is private.
Well this oughtta be great -- these women hate each other's guts. So much so that they didn't even sit down for the annual Housewives dinner party of table flipping and friendship in their finale this year, so you know tonight's reunion is just going to be a cage match. Normally they all get together to yell at Kim, but it looks like everyone's just going to yell at everyone this time. Kim hates NeNe, Lisa hates Kim, Kandi hates Nene, Nene hates Kim, everyone hates Sheree, etc.
The ladies of the Real Housewives of Atlanta are back for round two-- claws, diva attitudes, and general shallowness included. In fact, the second season of RHOA might even be worse than the first, and by "worse," I mean, oh so much better! This drama-filled season is bound to be so catty that it'll make NeNe's comment to ex-BFF Kim, "Close your legs to married men," seem like child's play.
October 24, 2009
At first I thought this was that Ricky Gervais movie. But this Ghost Town (SyFy, 9 PM), is really about a bus full of high school students "who find out how the west was really won." Saloon prostitutes must have played a big role.
The documentary Bon Jovi: When We Were Beautiful (Showtime, 9 PM) explores the band's life on and off the road. Maybe Jon will explain why all of their songs include the phrases "it's my life" and "I'm gonna live." It's so repetitive.
October 25, 2009
Werewolves. So hot right now. If you care, an Animal Planet special, Werewolves: The Dark Survivors (Animal Planet, 9 PM) airs tonight.
Larry and Jerry collaborate for the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO, 9 PM) and debate whether an encounter with a bare midriffed assistant should be included. I don't know... this could be headed into Letterman territory.
It's probably best if you haven't been watching My Antonio (VH1, 10 PM). But if you want to find out what faceless blonde Antonio Sabato Jr. chooses to be his next ex, the finale airs tonight.
October 26, 2009
Another trashy dating show finale! Real Chance of Love 2 (VH1, 9 PM) wraps up on Monday night. I'm predicting a third installment of Real's feminine hairstyle embarking on the hunt for love.
In this Halloween-themed episode of Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM), Chuck Bass opens his new club in the hotel ahead of time. He also might kiss a guy. Again.
TLC is sucking the last drops of liquid money from the rapidly drying oil well that was Jon and Kate. The special Jon & Kate Plus 8: You Ask, Kate Answers (TLC, 9 PM) forces stupid Kate to answer stupid questions from stupid viewers.
Will the vampire craze let down anytime soon? I didn't think so. Castle (ABC, 10 PM) gets in on the trend when he and Beckett encounter a murder victim with fangs and a stake driven through his heart.
October 27, 2009
Mike Epps hosts the 2009 BET Hip Hop Awards (BET, 8 PM). My pick for Hustler of the Year: me. What, I wasn't nominated? Fine, give it to Jay-Z.
The Top 20 perform on So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8 PM). Our only qualm so far: too much tap.
The terror reign of the Duggar family's fully functioning reproductive organs continues on 18 Kids & Counting: Anna Duggar Birth Special (TLC, 9 PM).
In contrast with the Duggars, here's a show featuring a couple that we hope can have a child this season. The second season of The Little Couple (TLC, 10 PM) premieres tonight.
I love you, I honestly love you... Jeff Lewis. I just have the feeling that we have like souls. Be my friend, Jeff. The Flipping Out: Reunion Special (Bravo, 10 PM) wraps up the third season.
October 28, 2009
A Halloween special for the whole family, Monsters Vs. Aliens: Mutant Pumpkins from Outer Space (NBC, 8 PM), actually looks really cute. And it takes a lot for me to call something cute.
If by some chance you have DirecTV, you'll be able to watch the fourth season of Friday Night Lights (The 101, 9 PM).
The FBI must intervene in a murder investigation on this week's Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9 PM), but Benson and Stabler (because they're so badass) continue their manhunt unaided.
Jay and Gloria disagree over an outfit Manny wants to wear to school on Modern Family (ABC, 9 PM). This sounds familiar. My mother did not like the Backstreet Boys and fingerless glove combo I tried to pull off in middle school.
October 29, 2009
On this week's Flash Forward (ABC, 8 PM), Demetri, Mark, and Wedeck try to connect the attack on Janis with the one made on them.
Kids are out of hand these days. A college football team is investigated on CSI (CBS, 9 PM) for the murder of their coach.
Betty White and Jeff Dunham guest star on this week's 30 Rock(NBC, 9:30 PM). Liz and Jack go to Kenneth's hometown to look for new talent (clearly just to make incest jokes about the south) and Tracy fears the "rule of three" of celebrity deaths when two celebrities die and he thinks he may be next.
Bravo's sneak peek of the Real Housewives of Atlanta: Reunion Special (Bravo, 10 PM) says it all: "Is Sheree gay?" Hmmm, the rest of my day will be occupied by this dire philosophical question.
The gang does their best to put on a wrestling match for the troops on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, 10 PM). Danny DeVito wears spandex, too.
The League (FX, 10:30 PM) is a new comedy about a group of friends addicted to Fantasy Football. This actually looks really funny from all the previews, but I could probably do without the Fantasy Football part.
If you're really into ghosts (like more than half of the Travel Channel's programming would lead me to believe), you may be interested in watching a seven hour special. Ghost Adventures: Ghost Adventures Live! (Travel, 8 PM) will document a night spent in the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum in West Virginia. Sheesh. Even the name of that asylum is crazy!
The title of this week's Law & Order (NBC, 8 PM) is "Human Flesh Search Engine." That's more than enough to get me to watch.
December 5, 2009
Kristin Chenoweth stars in the original movie 12 Men of Christmas (Lifetime, 9 PM), which is about a woman who gets dumped by her fiancé and moves from NYC to Kaispell, MT. And then she gets 12 local guys to pose for a sexy calendar to raise money for a good cause.
OMG. Blake Lively is hosting Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM). Rihanna is going to be there too, but she's probably only going to perform songs from that awful new album, so we advise you to record and fast-forward for her bits.
December 6, 2009
Alice (SyFy, 9 PM) is a re-imagining of Alice in Wonderland, except in this one Alice has a black belt in karate and Kathy Bates is playing the Queen of Hearts.
Robin Williams: Weapons of Self-Destruction (HBO, 9 PM) is Williams' latest HBO Special, and the first since he's had heart surgery. Godspeed, Mork.
The fifth season finale of The Girls Next Door (E!, 10:30 PM) documents Kendra's baby shower. Not only does Kendra feature her bosom in a poorly-chosen dress, but Hef wears a little fedora.
December 7, 2009
If you enjoy country music and Christmas, Carrie Underwood: An All-Star Holiday Special (FOX, 8 PM) is for you. If you don't like either of those things, you're clearly un-American. Oh well!
Ray Romano, Scott Bakula, and Andre Braugher star in the premiere of Men of A Certain Age (TNT, 10 PM). A rejected title of this show: Men of A Certain Age Need Viagra. They're not that old, you guys.
The third season finale of Million Dollar Listing (Bravo, 10 PM) features a final showdown between Josh and Chad. Isn't it sad how Josh threatened Starla, Chad's dog? Well, not as sad as Chad's haircut.
December 8, 2009
The 8th season finale of The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8 PM) is tonight. Did you guys see that article in The New York Times last week? Someone who used to be on the show said that he was peeing blood because of unsafe dieting practice. The sacrifices we make to be thin.
The secret of Annie's involvement in a hit-and-run is revealed on 90210 (The CW, 8 PM). Naomi also says that she's been "tanning her tatas" in anticipation of spending Christmas in St. Bart's. Good luck with that.
Do you remember Better Off Ted (ABC, 9:30 PM)? Did you enjoy it? If you answered yes to both of those questions, your show is returning for a second season.
Wow, first Jersey Shore and now this? MTV continues to hit it out of the park with Teen Mom (MTV, 10 PM).
December 9, 2009
Last chance for Glee (FOX, 9 PM)!!! The fall season finale of everyone's favorite musical dramedy is tonight! "Sectionals" will be the last new episode before April.
Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and Kate Gosselin all made the list for Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009 (ABC, 10 PM). The trinity has finally been united. This is very much a portent of the apocalypse.
The season finale of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge (MTV, 10 PM) airs tonight, once again leaving several Real World and Road Rules stars unemployed. What can you pledge to help them?
Top Chef (Bravo, 10 PM) season finale! It's bacon-loving Kevin vs. the Voltaggio brothers! I predict the brothers will have their own show by next summer. I'm rooting for Kevin, though. How about you?
December 10, 2009
Anthony Michael Hall is guest-starring on Community (NBC, 8 PM) as a bully. I will make no further comment on any connections in current events.
Leslie Knope is caught in a sex scandal on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM). Ron Swanson covers Leslie's work for the day and soon finds out how hard Ms. Knope's job truly is. Louis C.K. also guest stars.
Who gonna check me boo? I'm hoping for more Sheree's confrontation with the inept party planner on The Real Housewives of Atlanta The Lost Footage (Bravo, 9 PM).
The fifth season finale of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, 10 PM). I am very grateful to this season for teaching us The D.E.N.N.I.S system. It explains everything about well, everything.
Over so soon? The first season finale of The League (FX, 10:30 PM) airs tonight. If you haven't seen it, it's worth it.
December 11, 2009
Yes, Virginia (CBS, 8 PM) is an animated special about a young girl, Virginia, who writes to Santa Clause in 1897. Those are the tough days, when people actually got coal for Christmas. Good luck, Virginia.
Four Weddings (TLC, 10 PM) could possibly be the biggest carnage-filled event on television this month. Four brides attend each other's weddings and judge them. You, know, just for kicks.