NOW! Another drawn-out season comes to an end.
Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN!... Ehhhm. I mean, after a month hiatus, Supernatural is back.
The objects of one of TV's most unhealthy obsessions are back.
Oh no, we were really hoping everyone forgot about the vampires.
We're only two days into December, but Christmas has officially taken over -- even in places you normally wouldn't expect it to, like Supernatural's mid-season finale.
What say we kick off the month of societally sanctioned fear with an episode of Supernatural? C'mon, it has to be scarier than last week's premiere, and the teaser trailer has blood and babies and stuff in it. In fact, the episode is all about babies! Which means big, bad, hunter Sam has to call in someone with some child-raising experiences. Looks like Dean's coming out of retirement! Which is good, because otherwise we would have no reason to watch, really.
It's the season finale of Supernatural, and we're taking bets on which Winchester will die. C'mon, you know it's gonna happen. It's an annual tradition, practically, and since it didn't happen last year thanks to some Godly intervention, we're doubly due. Will it be Dean again? Sam again? Half-brother Adam, who's also going for his second? Or will they throw us for a loop and kill Bobby Singer for the first time? That would be a real kick in the pants, especially since he just got the use of his legs back, but then, he did recently sell his soul to a demon. I forget, does Dean's deal with Death come with any life insurance for anybody?
October 10, 2009
For those who remember Graham Norton's short-lived foray into American TV on Comedy Central, The Graham Norton Show enters a sixth season tonight (BBCA, 10 PM).
Adding to the catalogue of comedy specials featuring comic who scream jokes at their audiences (Lewis Black, Chris Rock), HBO Special: Wanda Sykes: I'ma Be Me (HBO, 10 PM) airs tonight.
Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM), which has suffered recently due to Frat boy humor, will get a much-needed dose of estrogen this week with Drew Barrymore as host and Regina Spektor as musical guest.
October 11, 2009
On Brothers and Sisters (ABC, 10 PM), Kitty will tell everyone she has cancer. Womp, womp.
Dirty old man Hugh Hefner will show that he has even dirtier old man tendencies in the latest season of The Girls Next Door (E!, 10:30 PM), which will introduce his 20-year-old twin girlfriends. The twins look about 30, but they're 20. And they're orange.
Lorenzo Lamas, and the rest of his horribly obsolete "celebrity" family have their own reality show. Leave it to Lamas (E!, 11:00 PM) will make your eyes bleed. Not really. But you'll hate yourself for watching.
October 12, 2009
One thing that bothers me about Little People, Big World (TLC, 8 PM) is how the parents always seem to be worrying about money, yet they continue to build over-the-top things like tree houses and trebuchets at their family farm. A fifth season follows the castle construction drama.
Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM) will commit homicide on everything that was once good with the world when Sonic Youth performs in this wedding episode.
Million Dollar Listing (Bravo, 11 PM) follows three young, egotistical Los Angeles real estate agents for a third season. I must comment on Chad's hair. His stupid haircut (which probably cost more than my fillings) makes him look like a real-life Super-Mario Brothers mushroom. Not a good look.
October 13, 2009
The younger, angrier cousin of Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen (FOX, 8 PM) wraps up another season tonight.
If there's anything I became an expert on while growing up in the suburbs, it's hip-hop. VH1 Special: 2009 Hip Hop Honors (VH1, 9 PM) pays tribute to Def Jam with host Tracy Morgan.
October 14, 2009
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8 PM) heads to Las Vegas for more auditions.
On tonight's Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 PM), Jules tries to get Grayson to admit that she's hot. I get it already. Courteney Cox is hot even though she's over 40, and other women over 40 must beg younger men for validation.
Nip/Tuck (FX, 10 PM) begins the slow ride into the big TV series graveyard in the sky with the premiere of what will be the first part of a sixth and final season. Nothing was ever the same for me once I found out who The Carver was. Ah, nostalgia.
October 15, 2009
Fred Armisen guest stars as a Parks Department official from Pawnee's sister city of Boraqua, Venezuela on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM). Bienvenido a Pawnee! (Four years of high school Spanish, thank you very much.)
Sam and Dean investigate murders that resemble urban legends on Supernatural (The CW, 9 PM). The first victim: a babysitter who gets a call from inside the house!
Some show with Tina Fey called 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM) returns tonight. Never heard of it. Kidding!
The post-Paul Blart: Mall Cop glory days will continue with TLC Special: Mall Cops: Mall of America (TLC, 10 PM).
October 16, 2009
Fans of Deadliest Catch, do not despair! Lobstermen (Discovery, 10 PM) follows men off the far coast of New England hunting for a crustacean worth over $30 billion in trade each year. That's a lot of awkward prom dates at Red Lobster.
The fall season finale of Psych (USA, 10 PM) features a crime involving an ice cream truck: the ice cream man runs out of Tweety Bird pops.
October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween! In between handing out candy to grubby-handed children, tune in to Night of the Living Dead (AMC, 8:15 PM) and learn what real zombies are like.
November 1, 2009
The contestants take a "spooky trip to Holland" and one team must reveal a personal secret to the others on The Amazing Race (CBS, 8 PM). What's so spooky about Holland? Is it the windmills? I thought so.
At this point, are we even sure that Dr. Drew is a real doctor? Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1, 10 PM) premieres tonight. Unfortunately, the show does not feature any recognizable celebrities and there's no David Duchovny. Well, maybe that's a good thing.
I woke up today with a question lingering on my mind. Who will be dressing Kim Kardashian in the future? Styl'd: Fashion 101 (MTV, 10 PM) follows a group of young people trying to become celebrity stylists.
November 2, 2009
After Barney gives terrible relationship advice to Marshall, Marshall and Lily have a huge fight on How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 PM).
Reality TV just gets more and more sleazy. In the second season of For the Love of Ray J (VH1, 9 PM), we'll find out that the singer impregnated a contest on the show last season. Classy.
On the season finale of Greek (ABC Family, 9 PM), the Zetas break out in a highly choreographed dance routine. The very same thing happened in my British lit lecture once...there were a lot of stunted, awkward movements.
On The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 9:30 PM), irony takes hold and Sheldon teaches Leonard about football.
No bitchassness allowed. I Want to Work for Diddy (VH1, 10 PM) finds a second season's worth of unwitting victims willing to do Diddy's dirty work. And get him cheesecake.
November 3, 2009
In yet another revival of the classic miniseries and a TV series that failed the first time, V (ABC, 8 PM) will introduce us to the hot alien chick Anna, who is probably more evil than her cute pixie haircut shows.
Samantha Ronson guest stars as (gasp!) a DJ and Pharrell performs on 90210 (The CW, 8 PM). Also guest starring is Rumer Willis as Gia, who helps Navid investigate drug use at West Beverly High.
A year after the 2008 election, the HBO special By the People: The Election of Barack Obama (HBO, 9 PM) follows the President on the campaign trail.
Kathy Griffin dishes on her date with Levi Johnston, which probably sucked. Kathy Griffin: Balls of Steel (Bravo, 9 PM) marks her seventh stand-up special on Bravo.
A second season of Tabatha's Salon Takeover (Bravo, 10 PM) may make you never want to visit a salon again. Here's to hoping that Tabatha can repair all salons one clogged drain at a time.
November 4, 2009
Oh no! Poor Jules is challenged by her friend to spend an entire day by herself on Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 PM). That's easy. Why doesn't she just sit alone blogging all day...oh wait.
The team on CSI: NY (CBS, 10 PM) will learn what food sploshing is. Hint: it's kind of sexual, and definitely gross.
In Flowers Uncut with Jeff Leatham (TLC, 10 PM), we'll learn all about the stressful world of floral arrangements.
Top Chef (Bravo, 10 PM) features an all-stars dinner tonight, and Stefan will start beef with Marcel.
November 5, 2009
On this week's Community (NBC, 8 PM), the gang finds out that Jeff is living in his car and wants to help out. Hopefully Jeff will be forced to live with Pierce and we'll find out what that old man does in his spare time.
Sam and Dean get sucked into an alternate universe in which they are characters in different TV shows on Supernatural (The CW, 9 PM). This is a total rip-off of the best John Ritter movie ever - Stay Tuned.
Following the disaster that was Stone Mountain, Georgia, auditions for a new TGS actor are held on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM).
More overgrown mean girls? Sign me up. Slade returns to The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo, 10 PM) as Gretchen's new squeeze, and Jeana is broke. Supposedly.
Just in case you're tired of watching those two old guys discuss movies, The Rotten Tomatoes Show (Current, 10:30 PM) gives an honest spin on potential cinematic adventures. And you can even record a review that may air on the show.
November 6, 2009
Would you be interested in watching something depressing? Try Platinum Babies (WE, 9 PM), which documents idiot parents that spend $100,000 on baby showers for their kids. Nothing says stupid like gold-plated rattles.
You know that guy who wrote that terrible book that tells girls that some guy is just not into her? His comedy special, Greg Berendht: That Guy from That Thing (Comedy, 12 AM) airs tonight.