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Eight Reasons to Celebrate Homefront This Thanksgivukkah

It's being dumped into theaters over Thanksgivukkah weekend with zero promotion and is guaranteed to be in Walmart's discount DVD bin before you finish this sentence, but here are eight reasons to celebrate the existence of the schlocky action picture Homefront this holiday season:

8. It Was Written by Sylvester Stallone
Lest you think that Sly is only defined by his well-oiled biceps and mush-mouthed dialogue delivery, the guy has a lengthy career as a screenwriter as well, penning or tinkering with the scripts to practically every single one of his star vehicles. (Hell, he even got an Oscar nod for writing Rocky!) Prior to Homefront, there's been only one other movie that he's written, but declined to actually appear in -- the legendarily awful Saturday Night Fever sequel Staying Alive. (Stallone also directed that flick; the "honor" falls to Gary Fleder here.) Homefront isn't a dog of that caliber, but one gets the same visceral thrill of bad-movie excitement when the credit "Written by Sylvester Stallone" appears onscreen.

7. Jason Statham and James Franco Swap Roles
A decade ago, back when he was still pursuing traditional leading man parts like Annapolis and The Great Raid, Franco would have been consigned to the role of Homefront's boring hero Phil, an ex-undercover DEA enforcer who quit the force after a sting operation involving a biker gang ended badly, starting a new life with his moppet daughter by his side. That means Statham -- who at that point was toggling between anti-heroes and outright bad guys -- would nab the showier role of Gator, a small-time meth dealer that menaces Phil. But now that the latter actor is a full-time hero and the former is a full-time weirdo, they're able to switch parts, resulting in the delightfully improbable sight of Franco attempting to intimidate the stronger, faster Statham. It's the most incongruous (and enjoyably so) good guy/bad guy pairing since Philip Seymour Hoffman threatened to make Tom Cruise's girlfriend bleed and cry and call out his name.

6. Kate Bosworth Does a Killer Taryn Manning Impression
Since Manning was probably doing jail time in Orange Is the New Black while Homefront was shooting, Bosworth helpfully agreed to step in and play her usual role of a scarily-thin, crazy-eyed meth-head instead. It's a note-perfect impersonation and easily the most immersive acting Bosworth has ever done. Clearly, she needs to imitate other celebrities more often.

5. Winona Ryder is Still Alive and Available for Work
It's easy to forget, because she works so infrequently these days, but the '80s screen queen is still willing to act in movies. Here, she plays Gator's stripper girlfriend, who puts him in touch with the biker gang that Phil screwed over as an undercover cop in order to strike a bargain: the agent's location for the promise of meth distribution. Okay, so it isn't much of a role, but Ryder plays the most glamorous fortysomething stripper this side of Demi Moore and, furthermore, her presence in the movie means that…

4. Daniel Desario Hearts Veronica Sawyer 4EVAH
We can only imagine that Franco's Freaks and Geeks freak would be thrilled to learn that he'd be dating (or, at least, sleeping with) the knockout siren of such '80s favorites as Heathers and Beetlejuice when he grew up. Now when does Kim Kelly get to hook up with J.D.?

3. It's Like the '80s and '90s Never Ended
With its low-concept, low-tech brand of action theater, Homefront feels like a screenplay Stallone wrote back in 1986 and placed in a drawer, only to stumble upon it twenty-five years later and decide it could go before cameras without any revisions. Apart from the occasional appearance of a smartphone, the entire movie is basically a period piece, right down to the old-school abrupt cut to credits after the final showdown. (Though it probably should be noted that the Chuck Logan book that the film is based on was penned in 2006.)

2. Jason Statham Rides a Horse
When Phil and his kid mount the noble steeds they keep on their sprawling Southern property, Homefront brings us one step closer to the Statham-starring Western we've all wanted to see. The guy's done practically every other genre by now, from sci-fi (The One), to heist picture (The Italian Job), to fantasy (In the Name of the King). Time to give him a six-shooter, a cowboy hat and the Man With No Name's bad-ass poncho.

1. Statham Punches Franco. Repeatedly
The chance to be beaten up by Jason Statham has to be one of (if not the only) motivating factors behind Franco agreeing to appear in Homefront and when that moment finally arrives, it's just as satisfying as you (and he) probably imagined. Now he can tick off that box on his career Bucket List, along with "Star on a Soap Opera," "Direct a William Faulkner Novel" and "Sing Britney Spears with Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez."

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