What would it be like to have a dad from the movies as your real dad? This Father's Day, before you think about trading in the man whose loins from which you fruited, consider the good and bad parts about being related to the following guys...
Dad: Jack Torrance
Movie: The Shining
The bad part about having him as your dad: He'd try to hack up you and your mom.
The good: Sometimes one of the most important things a dad can do is teach his children a valuable lesson gleaned from the mistakes he's made. In this case, the lesson is: When an interviewer comes right out and tells you the last guy who had your exact job went nuts because of the job and hacked up his family, the appropriate response would be to turn down the job.
Dad: Darth Vader
Movie: Star Wars franchise
The bad part about having him as your dad: He'd be an absentee father for most of your life, and then he'd be on your case about following in his footsteps. It'd be all, "Dark Side this," and "Dark Side that," all the damn time.
The good: Having lightsaber fights with your dad would be pretty cool, providing he stops chopping off your hands. Makes shooting hoops in the driveway seem kind of mundane.
Dad: The Inventor
Movie: Edward Scissorhands
The good part about having him as your dad: He would pour all his love and care into creating you, and in so doing give outcast teens everywhere an iconically gothy image to live up to.
The bad: You'd have scissors for hands because your dad died before he could finish your real hands. What was he thinking with the scissors even on a temporary basis? How would you, you know, walk the dog without castrating yourself? Or maybe he didn't build anything for you in that department in the first place. Is that better or worse?
Movie: Underworld franchise
The bad part about having him as your dad: If you're a girl, you're destined to turn against him. He's not the only guy to have a hard time connecting with his daughter, but he had centuries to get it right and still failed. Note to all the dads out there: the more you tell a girl to stay away from a boy, the more she'll want to be with him.
The good: At least he's a really sound sleeper, so you'd be able to get away with just about anything as long as he's in his coffin.
Dad: Homer Simpson
Movie: The Simpsons Movie
The bad part about having him as your dad: His jerk-ass ways will inevitably get you trapped in a giant dome.
The good: You get to blow up a giant dome!
Dad: Michael Sullivan
Movie: The Road to Perdition
The bad part about having him as your dad: As a revenge-driven assassin-turned-thief, he's probably not exactly the best moral example.
The good: He really does love you and doesn't want you to live a life of crime like he did. Plus, hey! Road trip!
Dad: Michael Corleone
Movie: The Godfather Part II
The good part about having him as your dad: There's nothing more important to him than family, except maybe...
The bad: ...the Family, with a capital "F". Being related by blood doesn't guarantee you won't end up sleeping with the fishes. Just ask brother Fredo.
Dad: Dad Meiks
The good part about having him as your dad: He'd certainly give you a purpose in life.
The bad: That purpose is being a religiously fanatical killer with a rose garden full of dead "demon" bodies.
Dad: Baron von Frankenstein
Movie: Bride of Frankenstein
The good part about having him as your dad: He can cook up a girlfriend for you, right in his lab.
The bad: Unfortunately, he also made you so emo that when said girlfriend rejects you, you'll blow everything up.
Dad: The Devil (offscreen)
Movie: The Omen
The good part about having him as your dad: Well, you could say he's a pretty big mover and shaker in religious circles. That's something, right?
The bad: When he says there'll be hell to pay if you miss your curfew, he means it literally. Plus, he apparently has a fetish for jackals.
Any movie dads you'd love or hate to have as your own?