Why is George Lucas lowering our expectations on "Indy 4: Attack of the Jones"? He's making me nervous with his Wes Craven-esque "It's only a movie" comments. I can't bring myself to believe that the new Indy movie sucks, but I was always told that when a girl's Mama tells you her daughter is bad news, you believed it. And you ran. Lucas hasn't gone so far as to say the movie is sub-par, but his ominous protestations against those who are really looking forward to May 22nd has the Internet buzzing. It looks as if Lucas is invoking the Odienator Pessimist Principle, which states the pessimist is never disappointed. If the audience vibrates in their chairs as if the screenings were in Sensurround, and then collectively pass out in orgasmic glee when the credits roll, Lucas will feel great that he was underestimated crowd reaction. However, if the movie is anything like those nightmares he recently tried to pass off as Star Wars movies, he can tell us he told us so beforehand.

Lucas didn't write nor direct Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -- a good sign if there ever were one. Ford is fit as a fiddle and Karen Allen is back as tough cookie Marion. The trailer is as full of excitement as the poster is full of background images, and rumor has it the movie realistically deals with Indy's age. Why shouldn't I be excited? I mean, what could possibly go wrong? What could Lucas be telling us between the lines of his statement? My imagination runs wild. Is Indy now being chased by a gigantic blue boulder that says Viagra? Does an uncredited Kate Capshaw shows up to pull the hearts out of the audience in the 3-D IMAX version. Could it be that Sean Connery shows up riding the giant head from Zardoz? Or that Cate Blanchett's villain turns out to be Bob Dylan dressed as Queen Elizabeth and screwing a 15-year old boy? Or that horror of horrors: Indy's sidekick is Jar-Jar Binks?

Lucas has tempered my excitement, but he's piqued my interest even more. This was probably the Emperor's evil plan all along.