With the scheduling move, the Globes put exactly a month between its nomination announcement and its show (which hopefully will feature celebrities this time). Guess what other show has the exact same time period between nods and congrats? Here's a hint: They give out golden statues of naked men whose golden globes have been removed by the sculpture censors.

Once again, the Globes are mimicking their much more respected award competitor. Either they try to one-up the Oscars or usurp some of the glory. They're like Jennifer Jason Leigh's character in Georgia -- they'll never be as good as their talented sister but they keep trying to do her job anyway. So, I humbly ask the Globes to go back to their crazy ways. Nobody's taking you seriously anyway, so go all out. All those celebrities would rather have an Oscar or an Emmy anyway; make this the consolation prize it deserves to be. Give that Globe to Britney over Meryl because Britney bought everyone a year's worth of Tab. Bring back the most promising newcomer award, which the Academy doesn't have, and give it to some extremely rich person's spouse. Hire Debbie Allen to do your choreography, since the Oscars disowned her faster than they did Snow White. Hire Madame, Wayland Flowers' old puppet. and have it host the blasted show. I'm tired of the glut of awards shows, but if there were something different about each one, it would make for compelling viewing. It's too bad Allan Carr is dead. He'd be the perfect producer for the reimagined Globes.