BLOGS
E! Online reports that 2009's Golden Globe Awards ceremony has been pushed up to January 11th, making it the earliest show in the history of the Globes. I don't know about you, but I miss the days when the Golden Globes were a glorious joke that didn't take itself seriously. I'm nostalgic for the days where bribery, a well cooked pot of spaghetti or whom you were screwing got you a Globe. It gave the proceedings a corrupt, New Jersey-style politics air (and I can say that, being a Joisey Boy). Nowadays, the Hollywood Foreign Press wants us to take it seriously, so much so that rather than just releasing a press statement last year during the strike, it went through with that Nancy O'Dell and Billy Bush nightmare show. A scroll of the winners names' across a black screen while nails on a chalkboard noises played in the background would have been more watchable.
With the scheduling move, the Globes put exactly a month between its nomination announcement and its show (which hopefully will feature celebrities this time). Guess what other show has the exact same time period between nods and congrats? Here's a hint: They give out golden statues of naked men whose golden globes have been removed by the sculpture censors.
Once again, the Globes are mimicking their much more respected award competitor. Either they try to one-up the Oscars or usurp some of the glory. They're like Jennifer Jason Leigh's character in Georgia -- they'll never be as good as their talented sister but they keep trying to do her job anyway. So, I humbly ask the Globes to go back to their crazy ways. Nobody's taking you seriously anyway, so go all out. All those celebrities would rather have an Oscar or an Emmy anyway; make this the consolation prize it deserves to be. Give that Globe to Britney over Meryl because Britney bought everyone a year's worth of Tab. Bring back the most promising newcomer award, which the Academy doesn't have, and give it to some extremely rich person's spouse. Hire Debbie Allen to do your choreography, since the Oscars disowned her faster than they did Snow White. Hire Madame, Wayland Flowers' old puppet. and have it host the blasted show. I'm tired of the glut of awards shows, but if there were something different about each one, it would make for compelling viewing. It's too bad Allan Carr is dead. He'd be the perfect producer for the reimagined Globes.
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