Like Faye Dunaway's Joan Crawford, this isn't the first time to the rodeo for Mr. Gordon. Decrepit, old people like me will recall that Flash's last big-screen appearance came in 1980, accompanied by a catchy Queen score and enough camp to remind us it's from the same year as Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu. Along for the ride were Sam Jones as Flash, Melody Anderson as his girl Dale Arden and Max von Sydow as villain Ming the Merciless. That's right: Death's chess partner and Jason Miller's mentor in The Exorcist went from being tortured by Bergman to chasing a blonde man through outer space. Suddenly having the Devil jump into your body doesn't sound so bad.

The best thing about Universal's 1980 take on the material is the freaky score by Freddie Mercury and company. I bet you're singing Flash's Queen-composed theme song right now: "FLASH! dun dun dun dun dun AH-AHHHHHHHHHHHH! He's a miracle!" If so, then you undoubtedly remember that Flash was a "FLOP! dun dun dun dun dun AH-AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Which leads me back to Hollywood's thought process. I'm all for remaking bad movies -- I'd prefer if the studios would do that instead of remaking great movies like Casablanca and casting Pamela Anderson in the Bogart part. (See Barb Wire if you doubt me.) I just don't see how this is going to work. If director Breck Eisner is going to fashion this into a franchise, he's either going to have to make it a serious space opera or even more campy and depraved than the last movie. It's more fun guessing which fast food chain will have the Ming the Merciless Meal than waiting for this remake.

The studios actually might have better luck remaking the raunchy Flash Gordon spoof Flesh Gordon which, coincidentally, I saw when I was a 12 year old boy. That explains a lot about yours truly.