Sex and the Sandwich: Subway ditches its Nutty Professor clone, Jared, and ties Sex and the City to its current $5 sandwich sale. They already have the commercial with people doing the universal hand signal for schlong size while singing "Five Dollar Foot Long," so this is completely plausible. Who doesn't wanna own a five dollar foot long? These will sell like hotcakes! The meal comes with your own personal "goody drawer," post-it notes to use when breaking up with someone, and a "muscle massager" called "Mr. Big."

The Happening Meal: M. Night Shyamalan becomes Mac Tonight Shyamalan! You'll see dead animals when you open your Happening Meal from Mickey D's, as well as the "Signs" of your impending clogged arteries. To add to the suspense, you buy the Happening Meal without actually knowing what's in it. The surprise comes when you open the unbreakable box. Is it a Big Mac? A Double Quarter Pounder? One Chicken McNugget? Knowing what I know about M. Night's movies, I'm betting that every McDonalds Happening Meal comes with a Whopper.

Mamma Mia Mexi-Meal: "Mamma Mia" is what you'll be saying after you eat this Taco Bell special promotion. It comes with three burritos, three tacos, a chalupa, and a mexi-melt, all with beans. Also comes with free tickets to The Maury Show, as the entire plot of Mamma Mia is one big "you are NOT the father" paternity episode of Povich's program. Meryl Streep, who is fast becoming Michael Caine in terms of taking every role thrown at her, appears in the commercials to sing ABBA's "I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do." After eating this, so will you.

Happy Eating the Movies, folks!