Groaning: You may experience loud, uncontrollable groaning while watching this movie.

Gastrointestinal distress: Nausea should be expected, and intense cramping of the bowels is not unusual. To reduce intensity of side effect, do not indulge in concession stand hot dogs before the movie starts.

Headache: You may feel an overwhelming urge to bash your head into the back of the seat in front of you. If you're sitting in the front row, you may find yourself running face-first into the screen to put yourself out of your misery.

Slight but rapid weight loss: Ten bucks doesn't weigh much, but when it's left your wallet and you have nothing to show for it, you'll really notice it.

Look, parodies aren't always horrible. Some of them are classics. Top Secret!, for example, is a damn funny movie. But lampooning a genre with a movie that's entertaining in its own right isn't the same thing as waiting around for enough hit movies to accumulate so you can feed off them. [Ed's note: And casting the D-list hoochy trifecta that is Kim Kardashian, Vanessa Minillo and Carmen Electra in the starring roles prolly doesn't help matters. -- LG] Don't say I didn't warn you.