Get ready for more Swedish-made penis enlargers (if that's your bag) to come to a theater near you. Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood reported today that Mike Myers is currently in the middle of writing Austin Powers 4. With The Love Guru having tanked at the box office, Myers looks to be getting back into his most successful franchise, and is teaming up with old collaborator Mike McCullers, who worked with him on Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me and Austin Powers 3: Goldmember. It's rumored that the film will revolve around Dr. Evil and his son, Seth Green's Scott Evil, in an homage to Myers' own father.

Gag. In the interest of full disclosure before I even get into this story, I will admit to you right off the bat: Howard Stern, with his raunchy humor and more than a little misogynistic style, is not my favorite person. In the same spirit, I must also admit that like many, many other people in the greater Los Angeles area, I am one in a long line of people who has worked for Roger Corman, and being that he's a really nice guy and also gave me my first job out of college, I have a soft spot for the man. So imagine my surprise this morning upon finding out that my two worlds of like and hate have collided: Stern announced this morning that he will be producing a remake of the 1979 Corman classic Rock 'n' Roll High School.

If you're anywhere near a computer, television or another entity drawing breath, you know that movie villains are kind of hot right now. Hoping to cash in on a little of that Batman scratch is Sony, who just pushed into development a project that would bring back Venom, Spidey's gooey black nemesis from Spider-Man 3.

You hear about them all the time -- awesome Hollywood props going for big bucks and then getting locked away somewhere where no one will ever see them again. Isn't it time we took back these historical treasures? And by "take back," I mean shouldn't we buy them ourselves, and lock them away somewhere where only we and a handful of our friends will ever see them again? Well, now's our chance -- online site liveauctioneers.com is hosting a big Hollywood auction, with tons of film-used superhero costumes (Superman, X-Men, Daredevil, Batman, Captain America and both the movie and TV Spider-Men), as well as a ton of items from Terminator, Jurassic Park, Blade Runner, Highlander and Conan, and it ends August 1st, which means we have to move quick.

For those of you that were around in 1973 and old enough to watch a primetime TV movie, let me firstly offer you my congratulations on finding the internet -- good job, you! Secondly, you'll have to tell me about the ABC telefilm Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, which I've learned has since turned into a cult classic. All joking aside (I'm giving myself until I turn 30 to make ageist remarks--eight more months and you old farts won't hear a PEEP out of me), I probably wouldn't know about the program anyway, because I'm a giant scaredy-cat who can't handle creepy movies. One man who can handle the creep, however, is Guillermo del Toro, who has just signed on to produce a remake of the ABC special for a theatrical release for Miramax.

If you didn't already know, I'm sure some of you probably suspected that I am one of a--probably growing--population of people whowould pay 20 bucks at a theater on a Saturday night to watch Johnny Depp, even if it was just film of the man sitting in a chair for 90 minutes and reading from the phone book. He could even read from the lawyer section of the yellow pages and I'd be there happily forking over a Jackson for the pleasure. So, great news for the likes of me: It looks like Depp has signed on to play the Mad Hatter in Timothy Burton's upcoming Alice in Wonderland.

Apparently, I'm crazy. At least, that's what Odie Henderson thinks, since I found the trailer for Zack Snyder's Watchmen movie to be awesome, and Odie thinks it is worthy of a torch enema. I personally think Odie is a little crazy, but I understand why people are protective of the classic graphic novel. Which is why I may have just the thing for Mr. H. and others of his mindset: a Watchmen movie that exactly follows the comic book -- to the word, and to the line.

With news of comedies suffering at the box office, Disney must be sweating over releasing Kevin Costner's Swing Vote on Friday. The film stars Il Costino as a good ol' boy whose single vote will determine the Presidential election. That alone should file this under "Suspension of Disbelief the Size of Jupiter Needed," but when the trailer reveals that Costner has to choose between Dennis Hopper and Kelsey Grammer, we're talking universe-sized pretending here. Whom would you vote for? I can't decide, and the only pull for me to see the film is to discover who actually wins.

A few weeks ago, the TSA confiscated deodorant from my carry-on bag because it was 0.2 ounces over the 3 oz. limit. They didn't want me to underarm the pilot to death, I suppose. Jerry Lewis suffered a similar fate of confiscation. The TSA and the Las Vegas police wanted to disprove that famous Irving Berlinpenned Annie Oakley musical number, "You Can't Get a Man With A Gun." Allegedly, Lewis had one. When his luggage went through that airport scanning contraption, I hope the machine screamed "LAAAAAAAA-DY!!!!!"

Dear God -
Thank you so much. I know you don't go in for the whole magic thing, it being in direct contradiction to your laws and all, but I just want to say how swell it is of you not to smite anybody involved with making the Harry Potter movies. (Well, except Richard Harris, but he had it coming.) Because I just saw the new Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince teaser trailer, and it is the most beautiful thing I have seen in several days -- which reminds me, I never thanked you for The Dark Knight! You rock!