The AP reports: "Doctor Michel Sussmann says the 33-year-old actress is doing fine. He spoke at a brief news conference Wednesday in Nice, where Jolie is hospitalized. Asked when Jolie is expected to have her twins, he replied, 'In the weeks to come.'"

In the weeks to come?! Did I read that correctly? I have been had, lied to, led astray, hoodwinked AND bamboozled! What the--?!! Ooh! You lying sacks of -- OK, I need to stay composed here. I even wrote a freaking blog entry ahead of time, announcing the birth to our readers. Peep this:

"After much suspenseful build-up, Angelina Jolie gave birth to twins today. The blessed event took place in Nice, France, the sister city to Nephew, France. To honor Wanted, Jolie's action-packed movie currently in theaters, the babies were born in slow motion, at askew camera angles, and with guns a-blazin'. After several back-flips, the kids shot their own umbilical cords, then did several Tiger-style kung fu moves in the air to honor Jolie's other recent film, Kung Fu Panda. After landing flawlessly in Mama's arms, doctors noted that they arrived in the world with matching tattoos. 'They look like Brad, and act like me,' said Jolie before reporting back to work mere minutes after giving birth. 'I've only got Four Minutes to save the world,' she said. 'Everyone's doing fine, I'm happy to report, and am looking forward to their upcoming Doublemint Gum commercial.'"

What a waste of a perfectly good report. Damn you, Associated Press. Damn you all to Hell!!!