Mars Attacks... Christmas?

Martians should be very cross with us Earthlings. First, we send that probe up there to dig holes in their planet in a vain search for signs of intelligent life in the universe. Now Warners has cast Mars' most famous denizen in a film beneath his talents. Marvin the Martian, whose regulator demodulator pistol and other big guns failed to cause an "earth-shattering ka-boom" in several Chuck Jones Looney Tunes, will try his hand at destroying Earth by actually coming here. Variety describes the pitch as "a Christmas story, with Marvin coming to Earth to destroy Christmas but being prevented from doing so when he's trapped in a gift box." Sounds like somebody needs to aim a rip-off demodulator pistol at this plot. Angry green creature wants to stop Christmas from coming? Sounds like that story by Dr. Seuss, the guy who once wrote Warners' WWII-era Private Snafu cartoons.

This breaks my heart, as I am a Looney Tunes addict and would like Warners to leave the classic characters alone. Turning Marvin into the Grinch is such a bad idea that I shudder to think what's next. How about:

Skunks Gone Wild - Pepe LePew stops taking the saltpeter that reformed him into a respectful member of society and returns to his sexual-harassment ways. He stumbles onto a pair of Discovery Channel filmmakers (Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill) in the process of filming a doc on the mating habits of skunks. The director thinks they've found the perfect specimen to study, but Pepe's sexist and persistent approach keeps him from getting any action from "le petit femme fatale du skunk." It's up to the Discovery Channel filmmakers and a Human Resources manager played by Penelope Cruz to show Pepe the error of his ways. Written by Judd Apatow.

The Cwying Game - Bugs dresses in drag one time too many. Elmer gets a surprise from the bunny when he decides to "shoot him when he gets home."

The Road Warrior Runner - Wile E. Coyote (voice of Mel Gibson) and the Road Runner are transplanted to the Outback. Mucho mayhem ensues as Wile E. uses trucks made by the Acme company to try and catch his dinner.

You know, any of these would be truer to the characters than turning Marvin into a damn gift box.

1 Comments

July 12, 2011 9:45 AM
Sable
Reply

Always the best cneotnt from these prodigious writers.

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