John: Your honor, are you familiar with my book?
Judge Young: Of course I am. I've read it numerous times.
John: Well, that man over there [points at Mel] adapted my book for The Passion of the Christ, and not only did I not get screen credit, but the Aramaic sounded like he ran his screenplay through Google Translate. Plus, he violated the contract to deliver a PG-13 rated film. I am suing for compensation and breach of contract.
Judge Young: Mel, honey, how do you defend these allegations?
Mel: [Unintelligible rambling, probably a good thing considering his recent track record of racial epithets.]

Turns out that John isn't suing (I won't rule out a stray bolt of lightning hitting both me and Gibson at some point, though). The AP notes "A judge ordered attorneys for screenwriter Benedict Fitzgerald to rewrite the complaint last month, saying it lacked specificity and seemed to take a 'chain letter' approach." How does a complaint take the form of a chain letter?

"If you don't pay me $100,000 and send $100,000 to five other people, your luck will change for the worse. This is not a joke! Odie Henderson didn't send this complaint and the money to five other people, and now he's on Death Row! The record label, not the actual death row...But still!"

Fitzgerald says Mr. Apocalypto owes him $10 million and that Gibson grossly underestimated Passion's final tally. Sounds like we need the wisdom of good King Solomon to handle this dispute. Let's hope the court battle doesn't turn out like this prior argument over The Passion. I am so going to Hell.