And punching out is exactly what Lee should do. He talks a good game, but what would happen if he followed the lead of the far less talented director, Uwe Boll, and started staging boxing matches for all the people who piss him off? I'm no bookmaker, but I love gambling, so let's place some bets on the outcome of some Spike Lee Boxing Joints.

Spike vs. Clint: Fight over Eastwood's lack of, um, color in his WWII double feature Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima. Eastwood sends proxy Morgan Freeman to box Spike instead. Freeman has beef with Spike for never casting him in any of his movies, plus for what Lee said about Driving Miss Daisy. Outcome: Freeman whips Spike's ass.

Spike vs. Quentin: Fight over Tarantino's unhealthy and unwise (for a white guy, at least) love of the N-word. Tarantino wants to box Lee, but is talked out of it by Samuel L.. Jackson, who says, "Man that N-word's gonna beat the S-word out of your GD-word, MF-word, N-word A-word, B-word!" Jackson, who appeared in several Spike Lee Joints, does to Spike what he did to Denzel in Mo' Better Blues: creams him with a trumpet. Outcome: Jackson by TKO.

Spike vs. Judd: Deadline Hollywood Daily says Spike slighted Judd Apatow (or as he called him, "Judd Apapoe,") by asking that the Miracle at St. Anna poster not be put near any of Apatow's posters on the studio's wall. Apatow shows up to fight, because his proxy Seth Rogen was too high to move. The director of Knocked Up is about to be Knocked Out when, without warning, Apatow exposes himself. Lee laughs so hard at Apatow's equipment that he drops his guard. BAM! Outcome: Apatow disqualified for low blow.

Spike vs. Film Critics: The reviews for Miracle at St. Anna have been less than miraculous. Lee hires WWE to help him set up a Royal Rumble style match. Outcome: Spike outwrestles all critics only to be flattened by surprise guest, Mickey Rourke.

Spike vs. Spike: This isn't a fair fight.