This is something you'd normally think a Moviefile writer would be thrilled to read about -- the snark possibilities, you'd say, would be endless! But to be honest, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that they greenlit Beverly Hills Ninja 2 and then they went and cast David Hasselhoff in it. It's such a mindfuck that the snark synapses in my brain are having trouble connecting.

So let's look at the facts. The original Beverly Hills Ninja, which starred the late, great Chris Farley, only made $30 million at the box office, and was not the most critically well-received film of 1997. I mean, I didn't even go see it, and that year, I did go see Home Alone 3. It got beat in the year's B.O. takings by Selena, you guys. And that enormous box office pull, David Hasselhoff? His last project was Anaconda III. Did you know there was an Anaconda II? Me, neither. This greenlight is the Hollywood equivalent of sub-prime mortgage lending. Jeffery Katzenberg's crystal ball just broke. And so, apparently, has my snark. Think the Beverly Hills Ninja 2 production company will give me worker's comp?