According to an interview conducted at /Film, Aronofsky's take on Paul Verhoeven's uber-violent 1988 futuristic tale hits screens in 2010. "It's absolutely unrelated to the original," he says. "I have full 100 percent respect for that, but I kind of don't even want to go near that territory, except for the 'Bitches, leave!' line." If Aronofsky has any sense, he'll cast the original speaker of that line, Kurtwood Smith. That's right, young 'uns! The dad on That 70's Show played Clarence Boddiker, one of the nastiest villains to ever sneer in close-up. Rumors abound that the new Robo will be in 3-D and PG-13, but neither of those concern me as much as Hollywood's continuing trend of remaking movies that were good in the first place. If Aronofsky wanted to satisfy both his Verhoeven and remake joneses, he should have considered Showgirls. It's a remake (of All About Eve -- no, seriously, it is) and it's terrible enough to warrant a reboot. I'd be first in line to see Requiem for a Ho, wouldn't you?

Speaking of the wickedness of man, Aronofsky is also embracing his inner Cecil B. DeMille-slash-Mel Gibson by tackling the Biblical tale of the guy begat in Genesis 5:30. (Sinners, stop running for your Bibles! I'm talkin' 'bout Noah.) "It's the end of the world, and it's the second most famous ship after the Titanic," claims the director. The second most famous ship?! Darren better watch out for that 20-cubits-long streak of lightning headed straight for his ass. I'll get on the ticket line if Aronofsky dramatizes the Irish Rovers song about the one animal too stupid to get on the Ark. Unfortunately, that animal wasn't Man.