1. Check out Hellraiser creator Clive Barker's indictment of PG-13 horror movies and imagine what a kid-friendly version of Pinhead would have been like. Maybe instead of pins, he would have had little twinkling Lite-Brites.

2. Watch the trailer for Gus Van Sant's Milk, starring Sean Penn and James Franco and their prosthetic penises. (The latter are not in the trailer.)

3. Wal-Mart--yes, Wal-Mart--has behind-the-scenes footage of the Transformers sequel, available to those who purchase the DVD of the first movie.

4. If big artificial tools aren't your cup of tea, you can watch a trailer of Keira Knightley in The Duchess instead.

5. According to The Hollywood Reporter, "Michael Moore will distribute his next movie, Slacker Uprising, online for free." This doesn't actually start until September 23, but if you're really slacking, it would take you that long to get around to downloading it anyway.

As for me, I'll be waiting around for a site besides the subscription-only outlets to get wind of Ralph Fiennes directing and starring in a modern-day adaptation of Shakespeare's Coriolanus. Partly because I like Ralph Fiennes, but mostly so that I can add it to Zach's dirty-sounding titles list.