Why am I surprised? This isn't the first time you've been censored. In Bunny O'Hare, the 1971 movie you made with Ernest Borgnine, American International Pictures altered your closing line to use a more PG-friendly (or "GP-friendly," as PG was GP then) F-word. The original line would have made you the first famous old-school celebrity to drop that word on the big screen. Instead, Kate Hepburn (say hi to her too) got to level the F-bomb in Warren Beatty's Love Affair. You sued AIP for censoring your line, and while the suit was eventually dropped, I think you had the right idea. I think you should sue the United States Post Office, demanding they reinstate Margo's symbolic middle finger. Find John Edward and scare the shit out of him by actually conversing with him, making your demands. It would be just like that scene in Ghost when Oda Mae Brown realizes she actually DOES "see dead, white people."

Let's be real, Miss Davis. What the hell is wrong with the PC powers-that-be in this country? Do they honestly believe that removing a cigarette is going to stop people from smoking? If we don't acknowledge something, it'll go away? It doesn't work for ignoring poverty or birth control! Why would it work for smokes? Nobody I know started smoking because stars like you did; they started smoking because somebody they knew, or were related to, smoked. Peer pressure, not the mere act of seeing smoking onscreen, is what gets the little puffers started. By that rationale, should we eliminate a teenager's friends?

In closing, I humbly restate my appeal for forgiveness for my lack of astuteness. When I buy the stamp that adorns this letter from the post office, I'll make sure I'm smoking five or six cigarettes at once. Please tell John Edward to bail me out of jail.

Your biggest fan,
Odie