Further developments were announced today on the progress of a film remake I had very much hoped would just go away, leaving me with the perfect cheesy mid-'80s kids' movie safely nestled in my memory along with catchy power ballads and squirt gum. Apparently, the Karate Kid remake is rolling along, with Jackie Chan joining the project as the new Mr. Miyagi. Therefore, I've decided to say to sweet fuck-all with the great memories, Hollywood -- why don't you just go and remake (and ruin) every film I hold dear? I know you're going to anyway. Here are a few films you could start with:
How about The Goonies? Sean Astin could reprise his role as Mikey Walsh and have a daughter (played by one of the Fannings, natch) who must follow the old family map once again to save Josh Brolin's Uncle Brand from the recently released from prison and out-for-revenge Fratellis.
They could also use new CG technology to completely ruin Gizmo and the Gremlins, bringing them back to life and into the 21st century in some kind of rancid, new-wave horror movie that could bring Tobe Hooper's career back.
Or what about The Last Starfighter? Or Space Camp? Or the absolutely perfect-in-every-way Flight of the Navigator? Hollywood could ruin all the great "Kids In Space" movies, and while they're at it, they could go after War Games and Short Circuit.
Come on, Hollywood! Look at all of these decades-old gems just ripe for the plunder! If you're going to go ahead and remake (and ruin) some of my favorite childhood cinema memories, you may as well ruin them all.
Jackie Chan as Mr. Miyagi? Discuss! Also, which childhood movies would you not like to see Hollywood get their hands on?