Reasons The Neverending Story Remake Is a Bad Idea

Here's the thing about the film The Neverending Story -- the effects are completely terrible by today's standards. The scenes of Atreyu riding on Falkor are so blue-screened it is ridiculous. However, this remains one of my favorite fantasy films. The puppets and the characters are believable (despite the low-budget nature), and it's just such a sweet story. It holds a special place in my heart, and after watching it in my adulthood, it actually holds up as a touching tale. Nice job, Wolfgang Petersen! (It makes me want to erase that whole Poseidon debacle from my mind.) While the film only covers half of the ground from Michael Ende's novel, it's to be expected when trying to condense this big story into a two-hour plot. However, there's someone out there who thinks they can remake this classic film, while incorporating more of the novel. Good luck.

While they could end up with something like the successful Charlie and the Chocolate Factory reboot (though I personally still like the original better, with non-digital Ooompa Loompas), they could also end up with something that looks as rotten as the new Race to Witch Mountain. And while it's been a while since I read The Neverending Story, I don't really see a big role Johnny Depp could play in this one, so they're going to have to work extra-hard to find a way to appeal to fans. But my real concern lies in the sheer amount of bad fantasy that has come out in theaters since Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings started raking in some cash. Here are some of the reasons we're nervous, based on our recent experiences.

The Arthur and the Minimoys/Arthur and the Invisibles Factor: Will they change the title from the book, to make it something more catchy for kids? Is "Neverending" not going to resonate with our ADHD environment? Will "Story" sound too bookish in this digital age? Would it become, like, "Bastian Meets the Badass Dragon" or "Arthur Stops At Nothing" (because you know that Atreyu is never going to fly) or just get straight to the point and say, "We've Got Princesses AND Dragons"?

The Bridge to Terabithia Factor: Will it take a captivating story about the power of imagination and then fill it with too much CGI? One of the best things about The Neverending Story is the Nothing. I fear for how they try to anthropomorphize that to give it a cute little face.

The Golden Compass Factor: Will a smart, layered and uniquely told tale get dumbed down to the lowest common denominator and basically ruined by too much Botox? Will they get Nicole Kidman to play The Empress? Her frozen face might actually work in this case. Hmm...

The TMNT Factor: This one is a stretch as far as fantasy goes, but seriously -- this remake took a cute cartoon about crime-fighting and turned it into a dark twisted version. We fear that Atreyu will become all buff, and the Empress is going to have to wear spandex. Or worse, they could take the title and try and abbreviated it. Coming to theaters in 2010: NES!

The Eragon Factor: We've seen the future of dragons. And its not looking pretty for our favorite little luckdragon.

The Chronicles of Narnia Factor: In general, this reboot could do worse than ending up like Narnia, but the great thing about the original Neverending Story is that the movie actually not neverending. It's just about an hour and a half, while the Narnia films clock in at nearly two and half hours. I'm hoping that by taking on more of the book, we don't get a big, old, bloated film in return.

And just how much do you bet they try and see if Daniel Radcliffe will play Atreyu?

Thoughts on this remake? Leave 'em below.

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

BLOG ARCHIVES

The Moviefile

February 2013

11 Entries

January 2013

16 Entries

December 2012

21 Entries

November 2012

19 Entries

October 2012

20 Entries

September 2012

19 Entries

August 2012

19 Entries

July 2012

17 Entries

June 2012

24 Entries

May 2012

21 Entries

April 2012

22 Entries

March 2012

26 Entries

February 2012

24 Entries

January 2012

25 Entries

December 2011

27 Entries

November 2011

22 Entries

October 2011

22 Entries

September 2011

29 Entries

August 2011

27 Entries

July 2011

30 Entries

June 2011

25 Entries

May 2011

13 Entries

April 2011

23 Entries

March 2011

22 Entries

February 2011

33 Entries

January 2011

39 Entries

December 2010

21 Entries

November 2010

29 Entries

October 2010

23 Entries

September 2010

25 Entries

August 2010

26 Entries

July 2010

29 Entries

June 2010

36 Entries

May 2010

22 Entries

April 2010

26 Entries

March 2010

30 Entries

February 2010

19 Entries

January 2010

19 Entries

December 2009

15 Entries

November 2009

21 Entries

October 2009

27 Entries

September 2009

30 Entries

August 2009

28 Entries

July 2009

34 Entries

June 2009

27 Entries

May 2009

24 Entries

April 2009

23 Entries

March 2009

18 Entries

February 2009

30 Entries

January 2009

56 Entries

December 2008

51 Entries

November 2008

61 Entries

October 2008

102 Entries

September 2008

86 Entries

August 2008

99 Entries

July 2008

116 Entries

June 2008

95 Entries

May 2008

86 Entries

April 2008

67 Entries

March 2008

14 Entries

Blog Categories

Accidents Do Happen

46 Entries

Alien Nations

3 Entries

Awards Schmawards

17 Entries

Box Office Tally

79 Entries

Burning Questions

4 Entries

Coming Soonish

9 Entries

Cool Nerds Guide

6 Entries

Cop Rick

4 Entries

Crazy In Love

2 Entries

Doc Watch

1 Entries

DVDs Unwrapped

24 Entries

Foreign Relations

49 Entries

Future Tense

1 Entries

Getting Dramatic

3 Entries

Girls on Film

75 Entries

Happy Anniversary

9 Entries

Hi, High School

1 Entries

I Voted for GORE!

101 Entries

I Want My DVD

221 Entries

I Want My VOD

20 Entries

IMDb Fun Times

6 Entries

Indie Snapshot

41 Entries

It's a Major Award!

75 Entries

Legal Eaglese

21 Entries

Martial Artistry

11 Entries

Momentous Occasions

25 Entries

More On Movies

37 Entries

Movie Merchandise

4 Entries

Musicalifornication

47 Entries

Name That Tune

2 Entries

On the Frontlines

1 Entries

Politicking

3 Entries

Read All About It

4 Entries

Remakes R Us

7 Entries

Sci-Fidelity

147 Entries

Separate but Sequel

246 Entries

Sequelitis

19 Entries

Sing Out, Louise

3 Entries

Strike Watch

14 Entries

Tears in Heaven

1 Entries

The Biz

122 Entries

The Casting Conch

192 Entries

The Kongs of Comedy

199 Entries

Things to Know

1 Entries

Things We Learned

1 Entries

Time Tripping

1 Entries

Top of the

1 Entries

Top of the MWoP

5 Entries

Trailer Trashing

72 Entries

We Call Do-Over

177 Entries

YA Wasteland

3 Entries

You Know, For Kids!

132 Entries

The Latest Activity On TwOP