Now, being a semi-literate, heterosexual male, I didn't see Twilight. I mean, I wanted to, but I knew they were making a sequel, so I figured I had time to see the first one before the second came out. But now, all of a sudden, I'm seeing commercials for the new one, and it opens this weekend! It's been what, a few months since Twilight came out? I mean, I knew they were fast-tracking the thing, but this is ridiculous! I want to go see the new one, but I still only know the basic elements of the first, so I'm not even totally sure what's going on here, but this is what I think is going on in Twilight 2: Adventureland.

When we heard that the Farrelly Brothers (Kingpin, Dumb and Dumber) were going to be making a new Three Stooges movie, and that they were referring to it as "Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest," we didn't have high hopes. We figured they'd cast a few small-time comedy actors, it would be a creative failure that couldn't possibly live up to the originals, and everyone involved would try to forget it ever happened.

Good news for Angels & Demons! The Tom Hanks sequel/prequel to The DaVinci Code may be officially boycotted by the Catholic church. Why is that good news for the movie? Since the Vatican issued a statement last Friday, newspapers and websites from Cleveland to India have already helped spread the word. You couldn't buy that kind of publicity. Well, maybe you could, but it'd be expensive. With the economy being what it is and budgets being pinched, perhaps other movies could benefit from being boycotted from various groups. Although it's unlikely any organization would have quite the opposite-effect clout as the Catholic church, here are 10 movie suggestions with their potential naysayers.

This weekend, the 3-D computer-generated spectacle Monsters vs. Aliens comes out in theaters, and the concept seems exciting and new, despite the long film history of its component parts. After all, the "monsters" of the title are all tributes to 1950s horror and sci-fi movies -- the Blob, the Fly, the 50-Foot Woman and the Creature from the Black Lagoon -- and the alien, with his giant robot, is a fairly standard Mars Attacks type. But together, in a Dirty Dozen-style story, it's like a whole new idea! Hollywood seems to like this math, too, if the in-development Cowboys and Aliens is any indication. We came up with a few genre crossovers we'd like to see, using established character types, in the hopes that Hollywood will finally return our phone calls.

The 22nd James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, came out on DVD today, and while many thought it was more Bourne than Bond, you have to admit that the movie had a heaping helping of Bond-level ridiculousness. We watched the DVD and came up with our list of the most preposterous moments in the film, time-stamped for your viewing convenience. Let the Bond-age commence!

Obviously, no one needs a remake of Footloose. But since Hollywood hates us all and insists on going ahead with this flushing-cash-down-the-toilet project, the least they could do is keep their casting appropriate. That was the case up until yesterday, when it was announced that Zac Efron apparently figured out what a bad idea a Footloose remake is, for both his career and for the world, and dropped the hell out of it. So who's going to replace him as Kevin Bacon 2.0? Here are some people.

We're huge fans of Jason Statham around here, so I'm not asking this question lightly. It's just that, as Jason Statham makes more movies and becomes more and more deservedly well-known, after a while he's not exclusively ours anymore. Which is awesome, because The Statham should be the biggest action star on the planet, and I can't wait for that. But everyone seems to be in on the Jason Statham joke now (including him by the way, because he's amazing), so, like I did when Old School propelled Will Ferrell from the Palomino-loving lunatic doctor only a few people I knew quoted outside of his W. sketches to the giant comedy star everyone on the planet loved, I think it's time to let The Statham go off to college to discover himself while I take a new under-appreciated star under my bloggy wing. I've been thinking hard on this, and I've decided my new favorite might just be this John Cena character. Let's discuss this important matter after the jump.

Sometime between her late-1980s debut and her late-'90s heyday, the winsome Julia Roberts earned the title "America's sweetheart." Heck, she even appeared in a 2001 movie called America's Sweethearts, although she ironically did not play one of the titular sweethearts. But is she really a sweetheart, or is she... a monster? In film after film, Roberts has played floozies, fakes and outright felons, and it seems to have done little to ruin her reputation. Now, in her new movie Duplicity, she's playing a corporate spy trying to steal someone else's research. We examined her rap sheet to see how she fell so far.

This movie weekend is surprisingly balanced with different kinds of movies opening. Great job, Hollywood! High five Ari Gold for me! You've got I Love You, Man for laughing, Duplicity for knowing what a farce not dissimilar to professional espionage that romance is, and Knowing for knowing that the world is an unavoidable ticking time bomb of doom and destruction.

Quick Knowing plot synopsis: Nicolas Cage plays a man of science whose young son digs up a 50-year-old time capsule that predicts the dates and death tolls of impending disasters (because of how worthwhile things are always being put in time capsules) and Cage has to stop something called "The Whisper People" who look like Krycek with a Spike dye job from ending the world. The trailer feels really Shyamalan-y with the whole there's an event happening and a man who sees no meaning in the world is taught that the world is lousy with meaning and he has to get it together to save his family and stop the world from ending thing. But really -- if the damn world is ending and there are supernatural albino fake Kryceks whispering around perpetrating it, what's Captain Corelli's Mandolin going to do about it? Make out with Penelope Cruz and hope the Nazis don't see? If that is the twist ending of the film and I just spoiled it for you I apologize. I should have written that down and put in a time capsule instead. I know that now. I have learned my lesson. Anyway, I watched the whole trailer and this movie looks a lot like these other movies:

Man, that Judd Apatow has a penchant for on-the-nose titles, doesn't he? The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up and now Funny People. If you need to know what's going on in the movie, it's right there in the title! Not satisfied with a two-word description, the Bros. Gallaga have taken a movie buff's eye for detail to the trailer for the next Apatow flick and broken it down for the layman, pointing out why it looks funny, why it doesn't look funny and why this whole exercise smacks of desperation. Check out the new installment of "Trailers Without Pity" below, then check out other upcoming movie trailers they've dissected -- including Star Trek, Knowing and G.I. Joe -- in our video library!