Watch... and Release: A Non-Spoilery Watchmen Review

Sitting in the theater waiting for Watchmen to begin, I turned to my friend and fellow comic-book geek and remarked that it didn't feel real. He agreed -- for the two of us to be sitting there, about to watch the movie based on a graphic novel we'd been reading and enjoying for 20 years, was truly bizarre. Were we in some far-flung future, where comic-accurate, impeccably cast comic book adaptations were an everyday occurrence? Apparently! Not that complete authenticity was of tantamount importance to me -- I loved the comic book, and I wanted to see the source material respected, but the movie wasn't going to replace the book in my heart and mind, so as long as it didn't embarrass me, I would have been cool with it. Luckily, it not only didn't embarrass me, it impressed the hell out of me. For director Zack Snyder to take such a rich, multi-layered, non-linear narrative and condense it down to a intelligent, action-packed, beautiful movie, keeping so much of what made the original novel great and replacing or removing whatever didn't work, is nothing short of a frickin' miracle. Not only did it keep me entertained for 2 hours and 43 minutes, it actually made me love the book even more. Which is saying something.

Because the original Watchmen graphic novel is not your standard comic book. (And yes, nit-pickers, it is a graphic novel -- though it was first published as 12 individual issues, it was always intended to tell a single story from beginning to end. It may be printed in the "trade paperback" format now, but there is no Watchmen Vol. 2. So there.) And while many reviewers might disagree with me, the film version of Watchmen is not your standard superhero movie. True, it has guys in costumes fighting street-level thugs -- and, later, other costume types -- with the same martial-arts moves you'd see in any of the Batman flicks. But the big difference is that this isn't an origin tale, like Batman Begins or Iron Man or most other superhero films. It's the opposite of an origin, where the heroes are out of the spotlight on the other side, slowly dying and being forgotten about as they reflect on their lives. True, some of the heroes remember their origins over the course of the film -- the masked detective Rorschach explains how he was scarred as a child (and further scarred as an adult), and walking A-bomb Dr. Manhattan remembers being torn apart and pulling himself back together -- but everyone else simply exists as a familiar archetype, forcing the audience to use their brains and piece together their stories from jokes and implications, like a game of Memory. It makes you use your brain even as it punches you in the stomach, in the best way possible.

Keep in mind that the book doesn't give all of their origins, either. In that way, the movie is remarkably faithful to the book, and everything Snyder cut out was pretty much expendable, if any element of one of Time magazine's 100 greatest novels of the past 80 years can be said to be "expendable." Side stories with minor characters who tangentially interact with the main ones are left as cameos: the newspaper vendor, the New Frontiersman staff, Rorschach's psychiatrist, Captain Metropolis, etc. Certain redundant flashbacks have also been excised. (Ozymandias's origin is one of the few that's in the book and was cut -- it would have been nice to see that one on-screen, but it's not really necessary.) And although the action of the movie has certainly been ramped up, these are still reflective heroes, which means that when they're not punching people, they're engaging in a not-insignificant amount of dialogue, much of it in voiceover. Reviewers can trash-talk the action, but if not for the occasional exploding person or snapped neck, all the talking in this film would have driven me insane, especially when it's Dr. Manhattan doing the gabbing, one of the film's few weak spots. It's not that he talks too much, it's just that Billy Crudup can put me to sleep on a normal day, and when he's trying to sound all HAL 9000, he's like a blue Valium. Rorschach's gravelly voiceover -- which is a little too close to Christian Bale's Batman for my tastes -- at least has some good one-liners.

But given what Snyder was tasked with doing, the man did a bang-up job, creating a better adaptation of a book than any of the Harry Potter movies, one that isn't afraid to be as dense as its source material. Is the Watchmen movie more streamlined? Yes. Is it still massively complicated? Absolutely. There are two teams of heroes to keep track of from two different eras -- plus one hero, the Comedian, who travels in both. And the movie, like the book, is approximately 50% flashback, which makes things even more difficult to follow as we bounce from an alternate 1985 to an alternate 1945 to an alternate 1965, trying to figure out who would have killed the Comedian when all of his enemies are dead, mostly at his own hand. It's a lot to take in, especially for someone who hasn't read the book. Hell, even the premise of the movie is hard to explain to a layman. If it'll help, here are three simple ways to describe it, using existing films:

300 meets Mystery Men
A team of ragtag, fairly ridiculous superhero stereotypes in skimpy outfits have to go up against a deranged villain with far-reaching fingers -- in slow-mo -- when the most powerful hero in town vanishes.

X-Men: The Last Stand meets The Godfather II
A team of superheroes see one teammate die and another become an all-powerful killer as flashbacks tell us how the actions of their predecessors got them where they are now.

Batman Returns meets Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Vinyl dollies and rubber-suited boys do battle and hook up with each other while trying to make sense of past events that wreak havoc with the narrative structure.

Still interested? Good. If you're willing to invest all of your attention and 2 hours and 43 minutes of your time, it's totally worth it. Don't wait for the DVD -- the screen will be smaller, and the movie will keep getting longer. And remember that there will be no sequel, so this is your only shot. There are a couple of conditions, though: you need to be able to accept the everyday reality of a costumed superhero, and you need to wrap your head around multiple character threads that intersect at various points in history, told out of sequence. If you can do that, then this movie may be as rewarding to you as the original comic book is to comic geeks. (And if you like the movie, both Snyder and I highly recommend that you read the comic book next.)

If you're a comic geek like me, you have even more conditions. You need to be able to accept that the movie is not the book, and no movie ever could be. You need to be willing to acknowledge that some of the changes that Snyder made actually improve (yes, I said it!) on the original story, at least in terms of what works on film. And you need to accept that pretty much ANY R-rated movie with a budget this size is going to need to play up the sex and violence in order to justify its price tag and rating. If you can do that, then you, too, will enjoy the hell out of it. ...Of course, if you hate Zack Snyder's 300 -- and while I don't agree, I can certainly understand why you might -- then you may get angry when the characters fight in slow-motion, and that happens a lot. But there was a lot less going on in 300, both content-wise and pallette-wise, than there is here. Almost as many naked men, though.

Watchmen opens March 5 at midnight, in IMAX theaters and those whaddayacallem theaters that aren't IMAX. The film is rated R for exploding bodies, compound fractures, frantic humping, hog shots and smoking.

Need more info? Read our complete guide to the world of Watchmen! Already seen it? Check out my colleague Dan Manu's spoiler-filled analysis of the movie's successes and failures. Then tell us what YOU thought of the movie in the comments area below or in our Watchmen forum!

28 Comments

March 5, 2009 3:16 PM
Craig
Reply

So, I shouldn't let finding Watchmen to be one of the most overrated and overhyped graphic novels I've ever read deter me?

March 5, 2009 4:00 PM
Wow
Reply

They are comic books people. Get over it.

March 5, 2009 4:06 PM
Liz in CA
Reply

Wow, Craig, how old are you? You sound like a pretentious 20 year old poseur. Those of us "of a certain age" (me = mid 40's) have been waiting so long. I'm only worried about how Bubastis looks -- we saw her (overhead shot from the back) in the HBO First Look the other night. Hope she looks good and they're keeping her held back by not giving away the goods in the ads -- talking to YOU, GEORGE LUCAS/DOUBLE-BLADED SABER... I can't wait for midnight tonight...

March 5, 2009 5:17 PM
Lauren
Reply

I was lucky enough to see this movie on Tuesday night and I was completely blown away. Do not miss this one while it is in theaters!

March 5, 2009 8:42 PM
May
Reply

I was pleasantly surprised and disappointed by turns at Snyder's ability to preserve the spirit of the story. Some of the movie's strongest moments are when Snyder allowed himself a freer hand (wowsa opening credit montage). But a lot of Dr. Manhattan's gravity as a character is lost in the shuffle. But I quite glad I saw the movie nonetheless.

March 5, 2009 8:47 PM
Laura
Reply

No need to get personal, Liz; name-calling doesn't make your point any more enlightened. Some people love Watchmen, some hate it, and some found it decent but not worth the accolades. Personally, I didn't enjoy it as much as Vendetta...which was made into a horrible screen adaptation. I'll still see Watchmen, and maybe it'll get me interested in tryin the book again.

March 5, 2009 9:04 PM
Akana
Reply

DUDE. -Stares at Craig- I'm 14 and a half, and I feel like I've been waiting forever...If only for Rorschach. 8DD;;

March 5, 2009 9:12 PM
Liz in CA
Reply

Hey Laura - I just call it like I see it. I'm not name-calling, I'm stating what he *sounded* like. If he's over even 35 he's welcome to defend himself. It's not 'overrated and overhyped.' Come back to it with 10-20 years on you and read it again ... just like anything, it will be much much better.

And Akana, good for you.

March 6, 2009 2:01 AM
megan
Reply

I was able to see a preview screening on Monday, and speaking for those unfamiliar with the graphic novel, I have to say I'm still on the fence about it. It has plenty of positives: great visuals, complex characters, interesting storytelling method, plenty of thematic depth. But I still left feeling detached. It took quite a while to get into the meat of the story, which means that it must have done it's job setting everything up for people like me. I suppose it's got plenty of brain, but not the kind of heart I found in, say, Ironman.

March 6, 2009 7:04 AM
Lulu
Reply

I remember that's how the book was for me, Megan. It took me a while to get into the story...but once I did, It held me until the last page. I'm looking forward to the movie, but it won't make me love the book any less. If some of you out there think it'll be a waste of time or 'overrated' then stay home or see something more on your level...'Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li' perhaps?

March 6, 2009 12:36 PM
George
Reply

Zach, it's still not a graphic novel. It was a limited series. If you're embarrassed to admit you read comic books, stop admitting you read them.

March 6, 2009 12:55 PM
Matt
Reply

The acting totally brought the movie down but it was pretty awesome anyway.

March 6, 2009 2:24 PM
Bethany
Reply

Just because something is printed in serial form doesn't mean it's not a novel. All of Dickens' work was printed in the same fashion and I think you'd be hard pressed to argue that his works are not novels. Speaking as someone who has never read a comic book or graphic novel I'm interested to see this film because it sounds good.....

March 6, 2009 4:31 PM
Alex
Reply

George, it's not a sign of embarrassment to call something a graphic novel if that's what it is - Watchmen is a graphic novel, because it's one novel-length story with a definite arc and ending. And I sit in cafes reading the latest trade of Mighty Avengers, which I would never hesitate to call a comic book. It's like the difference between a film and a YouTube series.

Personally, I loved the movie - what I thought was extraordinary was how well it captured the tone of the book: ominous, dark, but also a little absurd - Dan's a schlubby mess, Rorschach is actually crazy, and Laurie's just embarrassed by the whole thing. I spent the whole run-up trying to lower my expectations, but it turned out I didn't have to. Awesome!

March 6, 2009 5:34 PM
Kevin
Reply

I saw the midnight showing and I have to say that I don't have any complaints. I loved the graphic novel and I think we got the best possible translation to film that a story like Watchmen could get. (Snyder is far too fond of his slow motion but that doesn't hurt this film too much).

As was said, this movie isn't the book. No movie is ever the book its based on. Even the best film adaptations (Coraline, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc) all fall very short of the books they're based on.

March 6, 2009 8:40 PM
klaudy
Reply

Well, I loved the book and the movie was pretty great. It stands alone and my friend who hasn't read the novel really liked the movie so Zach Snyder did what Catherine Hardwicke failed to do: make the movie great in its own right while perserving the originality and the awesomeness of the literary source. I refuse to get into my rant of the Twilight movie adaptation due to my lingering resentment.

There were some changes that bothered me a little: the change of the original ending and the omission of the Black Freighter which was my favorite subplot of the novel. But all in all the movie wowed me; Jackie Earl Haley did a fantastic job as well as Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I am still annoyed that I didn't see this at the midnight IMAX showing but thank goodness I am going to see it again!!

March 6, 2009 9:46 PM
chiiiiiicken
Reply

The primary thing that's holding me back from seeing the movie is my comic-book fan friend who really disliked the novel ranting about it. Also reports of the massive cerulean wang, because mentally I am twelve and will giggle loudly when that shows up onscreen. It sounds like if you go in expecting a comic-book movie, you'll be disappointed and possibly scarred for life. But if you go in expecting an actual movie with a lot of darkness and complex characters, you'll have a much better experience. Is that observation valid?

March 7, 2009 2:08 PM
OshitIforgot
Reply

Well, some things about the film worked for me and some things did not. It was visually stunning to watch and some of the character development was interesting. However, I found myself snoring when certain actors would deliver dialog. Overall, I couldn't care about some of the characters. After a while I guess I felt detached.

March 7, 2009 3:05 PM
E
Reply

Saw the movie. It's only OK. The only memorable character was Rorschak. Action, violence, sex all good, but the story was just boring. The ending was painfully boring. If you have to raed a comic book just to understand the movie, then the movie just doesnt hold up on it's own. Dont confuse graphic violence with quality. Watchmen is just OK.

March 7, 2009 11:53 PM
TheNakedWriter
Reply

Totally agree with you E - I was definitely impressed with Rorschach and with the gorgeous opening montage, but the rest was gratuitous, vacuous and often just plain nauseating. I enjoyed the novel, and its themes - but this was such a surfacey, uneven treatement of them. So much potential, and such a drag of a narrative. Too much TELLING us what we were supposed to see, instead of creating moments and performances to SHOW us.

March 8, 2009 12:00 AM
Anonymous
Reply

mm, forgot to mention - JDM was also delish as Comedian.

March 8, 2009 8:30 PM
Syberwolf
Reply

Amazing movie, I agree that the movie needs to be judged on its own merit. As far as the violence, sex and all, it is heavily incorporated into the novel so I am not sure why so many are shocked. It's also rated R so even it you didnt read the novel there's that great big warning that it's not spiderman or iron man. The movie was fantastic, amazing and a great accomplishment.

March 9, 2009 11:05 AM
Luisa
Reply

I'm glad to find someone who finally agrees with me! I thought the movie was absolutely fantastic. The running time was no bother, as so many have complained about--I just think most people are instant-gratification idiots who just need to see people being beat up and things exploding without seeing all the deep philosophical meaning in the story. Wow, do I sound pretentious. But I'm mad at all the middling reviews and comments, because not only is Watchmen a visual triumph, it is an absorbing story that manages to reflect our own state of the world right back at us in a meaningful way. I haven't read the graphic novel--I didn't want to so soon before the movie, because I knew I'd spend the whole time comparing the two. But now I can't wait to read it, then go see the movie again. Watchmen is simply brilliant.

March 10, 2009 2:32 PM
Rick
Reply

Boring! I predict flop.

March 17, 2009 8:36 PM
Meagan H
Reply

This movie sucked I'm sure there was a good movie in there somewhere but as is it was terrible. The two best actors got the least screentime (JDM and whoever it was that played the young Owl Man)). What really gals me is that I can think of half dozen actors who could have done the roles better Katee Sackoff would have ruled in this lead and any Star Trek would have been better than Crudup, I mena the guy who played Vorik on Voyager can't be that busy right?
Also it one thing to show violence but I felt numb after this because they showed so much blood it stopped affecting me, I actually was more affected by a history channel documentary than this movie. Some of the problems stemmed from the simple limits in film, you can't tell six stories in one film its just not possible. If they had pared down and simply let Owl Man tell the present story and let the Comedian tell the past one it might have worked but they didn't do that. I'm sure Watchmen was a great comic book/graphic novel but I wonder if it should have been made into a movie at all.

March 20, 2009 2:33 PM
Anonymous
Reply

Nice, Meagan, way to tell it like it is.

February 1, 2010 11:47 AM
Angela Mitchell
Reply

SPOILERS!

I was really torn by this -- I enjoy the actors, liked the prologue, and loved the overall visual look, and while I had trouble sticking with its completely too-cool-for-school nihilistic viewpoint, I was glad I finished the story, even if it took a lot of effort slogging through the gratuitous violence and misogyny, because I did feel like the film was trying for something new and not unintelligent. Even if it did fold on itself like a pack of cards.

But the movie itself was also marred by over-the-top graphic violence -- I was sickened by several moments I won't mention here -- and so often they involved nameless or supporting characters and in that classic less-v.-more way could have been shortened to implication with no loss to its story. As it was, I'm no lightweight, but the way the visuals lingered on every spurt of blood, stab, dismemberment, and compound fracture in loving shimmering close-up slo-mo began to feel like violence-porn to me.

I also had real trouble with the morality of the story, which seems to go for flashy nihilism even when it's adolescent and tired. The finale is laughable because it's kind of a kid's idea of thinking deep (no, the sacrifice of MILLIONS will never be okay, sheesh, this isn't Ethics 101--congrats on making your 'heroes' into Nazis, MOVIE). I was amused at the idea that the author evidently felt humanity was like a naughty child that just needed to be taught a lesson, since as 9/11 taught us, human memories are short and sure enough, everyone goes right back to being their horrible old selves. In which case, the Big Deep Ending is for naught.

And the transparent villain and disappointing heroes who buy his BS are the worst, but nobody would ever convince me a 'hero' like The Comedian would be tolerated for his behavior, much less loved or admired. The guy was utterly reprehensible and everyone kept treating him instead like a lovable scruffy dog instead of like a rapist, murderer, assassin, and sociopath. It just took me out of the story, that he would be tolerated or even encouraged among a group of heroes (even using the word ironically).

I felt ultimately like [i]Watchmen[/i] was a peculiarly male movie made by a very smart boy with a thing for superyoung women in thigh-high boots and bondage get-ups. The female costumes were laughable and insulting, and the whole movie exudes an ugly misogynism around the edges.

Overall, I found it stylish and smart, but also sophomoric, and disappointing. It tried so hard to be edgy it was dated before the third hour began. (Oh, and on a shallow note, thank you Watchmen for the [i]worst[/i], unsexiest, most laughable sex scene EVER. Complete with an ejaculation of fire. I laughed out loud.)

February 21, 2010 1:20 PM
Fiona
Reply

Angela, I think you "got" a lot of what makes this film (and the book) so original -- the heroes are meant to be a shabby, disappointing, morally dubious bunch. And we're meant to wonder what kind of person wants to dress up (especially the female bondage gear!) and fight crime, and what kind of society would need that sort of behaviour. Personally I think each of the characters represented a different sort of moral reasoning, but none of them had any answers that were of real meaning in such a complex and damaged society. Just as in the real world.

I loved the book for years, and really rated the film, I thought Snyder did some great work with such complex source material.

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