True Blood: The Complete First Season
If you've somehow managed to make it this far in life, having watched various vampire movies and TV shows, and you still aren't convinced that vampires are sexy... well, this TV show will either make you a believer or prove your point. There's so much graphic sex in this show (more than in creator Alan Ball's previous series Six Feet Under) that it could be a turn-on or a turn-off, depending on your tolerance for such things. But the actors all give great performances, and death and blood abound -- before, after and during all of the vamp bonin'. Seriously, a more fitting title might have been Intercourse with a Vampire. (Although I'm sure that title is already taken.)

Valkyrie
If this two-disc special edition doesn't come with an eyepatch, I'm writing an angry letter. How else can kids pretend to be Good Nazi Assassin Tom Cruise?

Fanboys
After a lengthy delay and a brief stop in theaters, this love letter to Star Wars can finally be seen the way it was meant to be seen: in a finished basement, surrounded by shelves full of AT-ATs and Snowspeeders.

Cadaver
Tonight at midnight is the first time you'll be able to rent insanely creepy South Korean horror film Cadaver (a.k.a. The Cut) from IFCinTheaters on-demand. If you want to make it a South Korean night, they've also got suspense film The Chaser, which is being remade by Warner Bros. with Leonardo DiCaprio attached to star.

24: Season 7
If you don't buy the newest season of 24 on DVD, Jack Bauer will head-butt you into next week. Similarly, not buying Friday Night Lights: The Third Season or 8 Simple Rules: The Complete Second Season will earn you a well-placed karate chop. What can we say, Keifer Sutherland just really likes those shows.

My Bloody Valentine 3D
Now that the Supernatural season is over, you have to watch something with Jensen Ackles in it. It's the rules!

The Guild: Season One and Season Two
Fans of Felicia Day from Buffy, Dr. Horrible and the missing 13th episode of Dollhouse that nobody has seen yet (paradox!) should check out her work on the Web, including The Legend of Neil and this series about a league of online role-players. Geek-tastic!

Outlander
What this title doesn't tell you is that this Jim Caviezel movie looks awesome, and that it features vikings fighting aliens! Vikings! Vs. Aliens! You'd think they would have put that right in the title! For example...

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
See? Aside from the fact that this movie stars Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas, what more do you need to know?

Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Sigh.