Psycho (1960, 1998)
Take Two: Despite being a nearly shot-for-shot re-creation of the original, Gus Van Sant's color copy of the horror classic just didn't work. Creepy Vince Vaughn may have had something to do with it. Funny, he's great. Creepy, not so much.
Take Three: How about taking the ideas of Psycho and creating something new and different? Just a thought. It can still be about a skinny, birdlike guy (Michael Cera, in a career-changing performance?) who runs a hotel, but since everyone knows how the original Psycho (and its doppelganger) ends, let's come up with something else for Norman Bates to do that shows what a psycho he is. Maybe he builds a giant nest using twigs and the contents of his victims' suitcases? Dude likes birds. Just sayin'.

Death Race 2000 (1975, 2008)
Take Two: Mad props to Jason Statham and his high-octane Death Race (no year given), but this glorified Mario Kart lacked the vicious bite of the original satire. Also, the grenade hand.
Take Three: Customize the cars to give them a little more personality, and put the racers back on the road where they belong, in a cross-country drive to the death. You can even bring Statham back, because God forbid someone makes a movie about driving cars that he's not in. Maybe Sylvester Stallone would be willing to reprise his role from the original? We know he died, but this ain't historical realism here.

La Femme Nikita (1990, 1993)
Take Two: We love the original French version of this "building the perfect assassin" flick, and while the American Point of No Return wasn't that bad, Bridget Fonda is definitely no Anne Parillaud.
Take Three: Give the new version the dirty, punk sensibilities of the first movie, and maybe we could turn this thing into an ass-kicking franchise. The trick is to find a young, female actress who can pull off action and intense emotion and is breathtakingly adorable. Hmmm... Is Amanda Seyfried willing to cut off all of her hair?

Rollerball (1975, 2002)
Take Two: The worst thing about the Rollerball remake is that the new one wasn't a dystopian sci-fi treatise on the separation of business and government. It was just about people who played Rollerball in Asia. And one of them was Chris Klein.
Take Three: Rollerball is the sport of the future, and Rollerball should be the movie of the future. Flying cars, maybe? Tall, futuristic buildings? An aging killer who just wants to keep playing the game? Josh Brolin would make a great lead bruiser, and Jon Favreau would be intimidating as his wingman.

Lost in Space (1965, 1998)
Take Two: We have no idea how this classic sci-fi TV series turned into William Hurt, Lacey Chabert and Matt LeBlanc in skintight spacesuits, but please change it back.
Take Three: A more retro-styled take on the franchise might manage to capture the appeal of the original designs, while still kicking the action up a notch. Get a chisel-chinned leading man like Jon Hamm and put him on a planet where his chin cannot prepare him for the horrors that await. Robot spiders, retractable face plates and cute animal sidekicks optional.

Can't Buy Me Love (1987, 2003)
Take Two: Retitled Love Don't Cost a Thing and starring Nick Cannon, the 2003 version successfully translated the exact plot of the original film (nerd buys popular girl's assistance in breaking into the "in" crowd) into a completely different movie. Where's that Patrick Dempsey flavor?
Take Three: Let's see this done one more time, but with a little more of the original's soul in it. And by soul, we mean Dempsey. Heck, why not take it out of high school, make it an all-adult cast and have him reprise the role? A woman desperately in need of money agrees to be seen with a lonely, awkward guy at social functions for cash? Making them adults adds a whole new level of ickiness to it.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956, 1978, 1993, 2007)
Take Two, Three, Four: The first three versions ranged from good to masterpiece, with the corruption of the human race standing in for communism and yuppiedom. The last one, which suggested that maybe the invaders were right and ditched the pods completely? Sacrilege.
Take Five: Go back to basics on this one, and hook some people up to pods. Maybe use the current green movement as the backdrop, and paint all eco-friendly types as brainwashed zombies? Anyone with a vegetable garden in the backyard is instantly suspect, and people driving hybrids should be watched closely. See if Keanu Reeves will sign on to play an early convert.

The Time Machine (1960, 2002)
Take Two: The 1960 film is an achievement in special effects, and captures H.G. Wells' epoch-hopping story beautifully. And yet, the 2002 remake features hysterical attempts to avoid the inevitability of fate, an Orlando Jones cameo and yet another ill-advised role for Jeremy Irons.
Take Three: We're tired of the main character being a Victorian stuffed shirt, so why not bring the book's action into the modern day, then fling us into the future? We'd probably be able to identify better with a modern man struggling to wrap his brain around Morlocks and Eloi than a vest-wearing Guy Pearce. The trick is finding somebody who looks like they could invent a time machine. Hey, what's Jeremy Davies doing now?

The Wicker Man (1973, 2006)
Take Two: While the original is delightfully creepy and Scottish and features a prancing Christopher Lee as a pagan priest, the remake comes off as simply ridiculous, with Nicolas Cage going totally overboard, screaming about bees and punching women in the face while wearing a bear suit.
Take Three: The premise of an ancient pagan culture existing today makes more sense in the Old Country, so why not take it back to Scotland? Cast talented Scotsman James McAvoy or Kevin McKidd as the investigating cop, and get Alan Cumming or Tilda Swinton to play the old Christopher Lee role. (Lee can still cameo, if you do it sooner rather than later.) But whatever you do, don't tell Nicolas Cage where you are.

Land of the Lost (1974, 2009)
Take Two: Considering how badly Will Ferrell's comedic take on the goofy old dinosaurs-and-time-warps TV show did at the box office, it might not be too early to start thinking about a reboot.
Take Three: We love Ferrell, but maybe the next attempt should seriously investigate the mythology and science of the original series rather than mock the show's conceits. The many parallels to Lost show that there's a big audience for that kind of stuff. Get a couple of good young actors (Saoirse Ronan would make a good Holly) and someone fairly earnest to play Dr. Marshall (Clive Owen?), and turn the Sleestaks into something frightening, and you've got yourself an action franchise to rival Harry Potter.

Any remakes you'd like to see remade? Rewrite 'em below.