Beat the Heat With Our July 4th Movie Marathon

It's the Fourth of July weekend, and to many Americans that means cookouts and fireworks and sandy beaches. Unfortunately, it also means that it's as hot as balls. And so bright! It seems like we get closer and closer to the sun every year! This year, why not draw all the blinds, turn on the air conditioner, sit in the dark and watch movies that convey all the fun of the holiday, but without the annoying sunburns, sandy crevices and botulism risks? We've hand-picked the following movies for the complete 4th of July experience, or a reasonable facsimile.

The Fireworks!
Independence Day (1996)
This may seem a no-brainer, but this alien-invasion movie not only takes place on the 4th (Tagline: "On July 2nd, they arrive. On July 3rd, they strike. On July 4th, we fight back."), it also features enough explosions to vaporize Europe. Not only do the aliens create their own "fireworks" when they blow up Los Angeles, New York and Washington D.C., they also become fireworks when their charred remains burn up while entering the atmosphere.

The Beaches!
Jaws (1975)
Amity Island has everything: Beautiful beaches, lovely shops, a friendly sheriff (Roy Scheider) and a massive shark preying on the citizenry. Of course, the mayor refuses to close the beaches and ruin their tourist season, which means the carnage can continue unabated. Every time a peaceful beach scene is interrupted by screams of "Shark!" you'll be glad that the nearest body of water is your bathtub.

The History!
The Patriot (2000)
History would be a lot more exciting to watch if it was as violent and star-studded as this movie. Pay homage to our forefathers -- Mel Gibson, Heath Ledger, Adam Baldwin, Donal Logue, Chris Cooper, Joely Richardson, Tcheky Karyo and Rene Auberjonois -- by watching them fight and die to save our shores from some of Britain's finest actors (Jason Isaacs, Tom Wilkinson).

The Heat!
Heat (1995)
Crank up the A.C. for this next film, and maybe you can avoid getting as sweaty as Val Kilmer seems to be throughout most of it. De Niro and Pacino both pack heat on the hot streets of L.A., and they trade hot lead when the Pacino's heat comes down on De Niro's gang of bank robbers. It may also be summer, but it's hard to tell in L.A.

The Beer!
Strange Brew (1983)
Although filmed entirely in Canada, and starring a mostly Canadian cast (with the notable exception of Max von Sydow), the mass consumption of beer in this movie is something any American can get behind. Based on the "Great White North" SCTV sketch, the film sees the Canuck host brothers taking jobs at a brewery with a sinister secret. We would tell you that the movie is also a parody of Hamlet, but that's really beside the point.

The Grilling!
Hamburger: The Motion Picture and (1986) Hot Dog: The Movie (1984)
Based on the real Hamburger University, where McDonald's managers learn the biz, Hamburger follows a goofball slacker to the only college that will accept him, likely because Dick Butkus is on the staff. He learns to make hamburgers, and wackiness ensues. Hot Dog, on the other hand, is a madcap skiing sex romp with Shannon Tweed. There aren't any hot dogs in it, we just like the movie.

What's your ideal Fourth of July movie?

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

BLOG ARCHIVES

The Moviefile

February 2013

11 Entries

January 2013

16 Entries

December 2012

21 Entries

November 2012

19 Entries

October 2012

20 Entries

September 2012

19 Entries

August 2012

19 Entries

July 2012

17 Entries

June 2012

24 Entries

May 2012

21 Entries

April 2012

22 Entries

March 2012

26 Entries

February 2012

24 Entries

January 2012

25 Entries

December 2011

27 Entries

November 2011

22 Entries

October 2011

22 Entries

September 2011

29 Entries

August 2011

27 Entries

July 2011

30 Entries

June 2011

25 Entries

May 2011

13 Entries

April 2011

23 Entries

March 2011

22 Entries

February 2011

33 Entries

January 2011

39 Entries

December 2010

21 Entries

November 2010

29 Entries

October 2010

23 Entries

September 2010

25 Entries

August 2010

26 Entries

July 2010

29 Entries

June 2010

36 Entries

May 2010

22 Entries

April 2010

26 Entries

March 2010

30 Entries

February 2010

19 Entries

January 2010

19 Entries

December 2009

15 Entries

November 2009

21 Entries

October 2009

27 Entries

September 2009

30 Entries

August 2009

28 Entries

July 2009

34 Entries

June 2009

27 Entries

May 2009

24 Entries

April 2009

23 Entries

March 2009

18 Entries

February 2009

30 Entries

January 2009

56 Entries

December 2008

51 Entries

November 2008

61 Entries

October 2008

102 Entries

September 2008

86 Entries

August 2008

99 Entries

July 2008

116 Entries

June 2008

95 Entries

May 2008

86 Entries

April 2008

67 Entries

March 2008

14 Entries

Blog Categories

Accidents Do Happen

46 Entries

Alien Nations

3 Entries

Awards Schmawards

17 Entries

Box Office Tally

79 Entries

Burning Questions

4 Entries

Coming Soonish

9 Entries

Cool Nerds Guide

6 Entries

Cop Rick

4 Entries

Crazy In Love

2 Entries

Doc Watch

1 Entries

DVDs Unwrapped

24 Entries

Foreign Relations

49 Entries

Future Tense

1 Entries

Getting Dramatic

3 Entries

Girls on Film

75 Entries

Happy Anniversary

9 Entries

Hi, High School

1 Entries

I Voted for GORE!

101 Entries

I Want My DVD

221 Entries

I Want My VOD

20 Entries

IMDb Fun Times

6 Entries

Indie Snapshot

41 Entries

It's a Major Award!

75 Entries

Legal Eaglese

21 Entries

Martial Artistry

11 Entries

Momentous Occasions

25 Entries

More On Movies

37 Entries

Movie Merchandise

4 Entries

Musicalifornication

47 Entries

Name That Tune

2 Entries

On the Frontlines

1 Entries

Politicking

3 Entries

Read All About It

4 Entries

Remakes R Us

7 Entries

Sci-Fidelity

147 Entries

Separate but Sequel

246 Entries

Sequelitis

19 Entries

Sing Out, Louise

3 Entries

Strike Watch

14 Entries

Tears in Heaven

1 Entries

The Biz

122 Entries

The Casting Conch

192 Entries

The Kongs of Comedy

199 Entries

Things to Know

1 Entries

Things We Learned

1 Entries

Time Tripping

1 Entries

Top of the

1 Entries

Top of the MWoP

5 Entries

Trailer Trashing

72 Entries

We Call Do-Over

177 Entries

YA Wasteland

3 Entries

You Know, For Kids!

132 Entries

The Latest Activity On TwOP