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Beat the Heat With Our July 4th Movie Marathon

It's the Fourth of July weekend, and to many Americans that means cookouts and fireworks and sandy beaches. Unfortunately, it also means that it's as hot as balls. And so bright! It seems like we get closer and closer to the sun every year! This year, why not draw all the blinds, turn on the air conditioner, sit in the dark and watch movies that convey all the fun of the holiday, but without the annoying sunburns, sandy crevices and botulism risks? We've hand-picked the following movies for the complete 4th of July experience, or a reasonable facsimile.

The Fireworks!
Independence Day (1996)
This may seem a no-brainer, but this alien-invasion movie not only takes place on the 4th (Tagline: "On July 2nd, they arrive. On July 3rd, they strike. On July 4th, we fight back."), it also features enough explosions to vaporize Europe. Not only do the aliens create their own "fireworks" when they blow up Los Angeles, New York and Washington D.C., they also become fireworks when their charred remains burn up while entering the atmosphere.

The Beaches!
Jaws (1975)
Amity Island has everything: Beautiful beaches, lovely shops, a friendly sheriff (Roy Scheider) and a massive shark preying on the citizenry. Of course, the mayor refuses to close the beaches and ruin their tourist season, which means the carnage can continue unabated. Every time a peaceful beach scene is interrupted by screams of "Shark!" you'll be glad that the nearest body of water is your bathtub.

The History!
The Patriot (2000)
History would be a lot more exciting to watch if it was as violent and star-studded as this movie. Pay homage to our forefathers -- Mel Gibson, Heath Ledger, Adam Baldwin, Donal Logue, Chris Cooper, Joely Richardson, Tcheky Karyo and Rene Auberjonois -- by watching them fight and die to save our shores from some of Britain's finest actors (Jason Isaacs, Tom Wilkinson).

The Heat!
Heat (1995)
Crank up the A.C. for this next film, and maybe you can avoid getting as sweaty as Val Kilmer seems to be throughout most of it. DeNiro and Pacino both pack heat on the hot streets of L.A., and they trade hot lead when the Pacino's heat comes down on DeNiro's gang of bank robbers. It may also be summer, but it's hard to tell in L.A.

The Beer!
Strange Brew (1983)
Although filmed entirely in Canada, and starring a mostly Canadian cast (with the notable exception of Max von Sydow), the mass consumption of beer in this movie is something any American can get behind. Based on the "Great White North" SCTV sketch, the film sees the Canuck host brothers taking jobs at a brewery with a sinister secret. We would tell you that the movie is also a parody of Hamlet, but that's really beside the point.

The Grilling!
Hamburger: The Motion Picture and (1986) Hot Dog: The Movie (1984)
Based on the real Hamburger University, where McDonald's managers learn the biz, Hamburger follows a goofball slacker to the only college that will accept him, likely because Dick Butkus is on the staff. He learns to make hamburgers, and wackiness ensues. Hot Dog, on the other hand, is a madcap skiing sex romp with Shannon Tweed. There aren't any hot dogs in it, we just like the movie.

What's your ideal Fourth of July movie?

10 Comments

July 3, 2009 11:47 PM
Geoff Shotts
Reply

1776, from the musical of the same name. Great cast, great music, patriotic as hell, and as relevant today as it was then.

July 4, 2009 12:25 AM
SwtSassyMolassy
Reply

Okay, the fact that you referenced Bob & Doug means I have been reading the right website for the last few years. Awesome.

July 4, 2009 2:56 AM
KateNonymous
Reply

I have to go with Geoff's suggestion. In addition to his points, the musical actually gets a lot right historically, while continuing to entertain.

July 4, 2009 8:38 AM
MarchBear
Reply

Gettysburg - the facial hair is goofy, but the acting is good, the history is great, and Pickett's Charge is heartbreaking.

July 4, 2009 11:05 AM
S.C.
Reply

1776 is a great musical, but I always thought the characterization of Wilson was grossly unfair, and the song "Cool, Considerate Men" is pretty awful and is based more on the politics of the time the musical was written than the politics of the Revolution.

July 4, 2009 3:39 PM
MaryC
Reply

We're watching "Good Night and Good Luck" as our holiday movie. Last night, we watched the MST3K version of "Starfighters" (with Bob Dornan as the lead).

July 4, 2009 6:31 PM
KateNonymous
Reply

S.C., I have yet to make it through the entire director's cut; I think I stopped at "Cool, Considerate Men" out of exhaustion. Although there were a couple of things I wish they'd edited a bit differently for the theatrical release, in general I think the shorter version of the movie is stronger than the expanded version now available on DVD. And while the characterization of Wilson is unfair, I think it's pretty remarkable that they found any way at all to create tension over an issue with a known outcome. The level of historical accuracy actually is pretty remarkable, particularly compared with crap like the aforementioned "Patriot."

July 4, 2009 6:35 PM
Tweek
Reply

Every July 4 we watch "Waiting for Guffman." Red, white, and Blaine!

July 4, 2009 9:26 PM
Jennifer
Reply

I have to second (third? fourth?) 1776. What a great movie!

July 5, 2009 1:11 AM
Lsquare
Reply

1776 for the win! I enjoy the extended version (which still leaves out some cut material, apparently). Ben Franklin is a hoot, and the John/Abigail scenes are cute. Plus, there's the whole history thing.

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