Hail to the King: Five Stephen King Movies to Re-Make

by Zach Oat July 23, 2009 3:51 PM
Hail to the King: Five Stephen King Movies to Re-Make

Stephen King is not only one of the most prolific, best-selling and -- in this writer's opinion -- most talented authors of our time, he's probably the author who's had the most movies based on his work, right up there with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and whoever writes all of the books those Lifetime movies are based on. Beginning with Carrie in 1976, nearly all of King's books, novellas and short stories have been adapted for the screen or for TV miniseries, and now we've received word that one of his earlier adaptations, the franchise-spawning horror film Children of the Corn, will be re-made. And that got us thinking -- as great a writer as King is, a lot of the movies based on his work are terrible, or at the very least wildly inaccurate. King doesn't seem to mind the latter ones, but we certainly do. Here are a selection of King films, good and bad, that need do-overs.

Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Before Michael Bay's Transformers (or even the 1984 cartoon), intelligent cars were the subject of terror in two totally separate Stephen King stories, the first being Trucks, about people holed up at a roadside diner when all of the electronic devices on Earth (including cars and trucks) become self-aware. Unfortunately, the re-titled movie was directed by King himself (a mistake) and it's hard to take it too seriously, partially because the evil leader of the big-rigs has a giant, three-dimensional Green Goblin head on its grille. Maybe they thought audiences couldn't be afraid of something unless it had a face, maybe they just wanted to differentiate it from the other trucks, but it still looks ridiculous.

Christine (1983)
King's other intelligent-car horror story, Christine, was actually made into an amazingly awesome, not particularly dated movie, and there is absolutely no need to remake it. However, given the way the movie ends, a sequel would make a lot of sense, and as long as it takes place much later and with all-new characters, the producers can call it whatever they want, as long as the old-school fans get to call it Christine 2.

Cujo (1983)
There's nothing like a large, vicious dog to make most people freeze in their tracks and pee their pants, and "Cujo" has become interchangeable with "vicious dog coming to get me," so why not make a new version with an all-grown-up Danny Pintauro from Who's the Boss? The original Cujo was a Saint Bernard, but with CGI as advanced as it is, a computer-generated dog based on various breeds and designed for maximum size and ferocity might be the way to go.

The Running Man (1987)
Don't get me wrong: I love the movie The Running Man. Its story of a futuristic game show where Arnold Schwarzenegger is attacked by costumed Hunters takes my love of American Gladiators and my love of hunting people for sport and makes a delicious bouillabaisse. However, I would love to see a modernized, less-cheesy version of it, with top-notch effects. The Hunters could be more like super-heroes and super-villains, rather than hockey players and professional wrestlers. Another way to go is to take the tack of the original book, in which the main character is basically branded a terrorist and set loose in the world, where he has to pretty much commit terrorist acts to evade capture by the police and the less-cartoony Hunters. The book's ending, in particular, was scarily prescient for 1982, and would be an incredibly controversial move for the filmmakers.

The Lawnmower Man (1992)
Blame New Line Cinema for this one, because they took the name of a bizarre Stephen King short story about a landscaper who may be one of the old gods and used it on another script they had about cyberspace. I have nothing against cyberspace -- it looks like a lot of fun, especially if you're Jeff Fahey -- but given the utterly superficial relationship between the film's title and its subject matter, I'd like to see someone take a crack at turning the original short story into a feature-length film. The imagery of a fat, naked guy eating grass and small animals as he controls lawnmowers and other yard equipment with his mind is a vivid one, and could make for a horrifically gory movie, somewhere between Leprechaun and Pan's Labyrinth.

What King-penned movies would you like to see re-made?

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