First of all, they had to have had a theatrical release -- TV biopics about celebrities happen every five seconds, and there are just far too many of them to deal with here. (Though they do tend to be hilarious. Jennifer Love Hewitt's Audrey Hepburn, Willa Ford's Anna Nicole Smith, Meadow Soprano's Heidi Fleiss, that one where Ashley Judd and Mira Sorvino both played Marilyn Monroe in the same movie, and don't even get me started on the hilarity of Victor Garber's Liberace.) Secondly, they had to have been about a celebrity, not a politician or historical figure, or an obscure artist. Basically, Basquiat was a great movie, but I don't have a clue how accurate the impression was, because it's not like the guy had sidewalk graffiti Christmas specials you can rent, you know? And so many people have been Richard Nixon that guy alone could have his own list. Maybe we will make that list some day! But that day is not today. Let's roll.

Faye Dunaway's Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest
A superbly immortal caricature of a kid-slapping movie icon on the decline. "No wire hangers" became the movie's catchphrase, of course, but I've always loved Dunaway's delivery of "Don't fuck with me, fellas, this ain't my first time at the rodeo!" infinitely more.

Robert Downey Jr.'s Charlie Chaplin, Chaplin
The movie itself is... not very good, and Robert Downey Jr. may have been in a heroin haze the whole time, but he didn't let either setback get in the way of perfecting his comedy waddle. His performance was masterful, and one of the first signs that he's always been the genius we know him to be now.

Johnny Depp's Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Two glorious hours of manic, paranoid, drug-addled grumbling and non-stop hallucinations with Johnny Depp in Vegas. It's almost better than hanging out with the real Hunter S. Thompson in the '70s. Which, when you think about it, had a high likelihood of getting you shot, so yeah. Put the time machine away, the movie's more fun.

Philip Seymour Hoffman's Truman Capote, Capote
I can't recall another time the nation was so captivated by a slight, terrifying-sounding nymph of a man, but everyone loved Philip Seymour Hoffman's performance in this movie, and with good reason. He even won an Oscar for it!

Gary Oldman's Sid Vicious, Sid & Nancy
Often when people play Sid Vicious they just kind of turn into Roger Rabbit with a bottle of Jack Daniels. But Gary Oldman almost turned him into a person -- at least, as much of a person as Sid Vicious can be.

Lou Diamond Phillips' Ritchie Valens, La Bamba
I probably wouldn't have thought of him otherwise, but we've been having a sort of Lou Diamond Phillips renaissance around here since I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here. But, he was pretty awesome in this movie. His dancing definitely was, anyway.

Joaquin Phoenix's Johnny Cash, Walk the Line
A lot of complaints about this movie's clichés and Phoenix's performance have been raised, and some of them are valid, but the fact still remains -- it wouldn't have been parodied so much if it weren't so good. Too bad Phoenix is a crazy person and/or possible performance artist now.

Jim Carrey's Andy Kaufman, Man on the Moon
Successful comedians always try to reinvent themselves as dramatic actors at some point, and it quite often goes awry (stop it, Dane Cook), but Jim Carrey transformed his career with his performance in this movie. And even if it hadn't worked, and Jim Carrey was still relegated solely to talking-out-of-his-butt movies, it would still make the list because Jim Carrey's Andy Kaufman impression is just ridiculously good.

Val Kilmer's Jim Morrison, The Doors
He looked and sounded the part, but the most impressive thing about Kilmer's performance is how he nailed Morrison's bizarre need to sway constantly while standing, like a Grand Theft Auto avatar. He totally put that guy in Wayne's World 2 to shame, so he goes on the list.

Sissy Spacek's Loretta Lynn, Coal Miner's Daughter
I adored this movie when I was a kid, bizarrely, and I also loved Loretta Lynn songs ("Fist City" is a particularly hilarious concept when you're eight). As a result, to this day, I still have to take a second when I see either Sissy Spacek or Loretta Lynn to figure out which one of them it is, even when Loretta Lynn is wearing a giant sequin ballgown. That's how great this movie is.

And Raging Bull, yes, but since I've never actually seen much footage of the real Jake LaMotta, I put it in the Basquiat category. Sorry if that's upsetting.