BLOGS
The world lost a great filmmaker this week, as legendary screenwriter and director John Hughes passed away. Not only did the man write and direct many of the 1980s' greatest, funniest films -- Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off -- he wrote the screenplays for dozens more, including Pretty in Pink, Home Alone and the first three Vacation movies. We went through his body of work to pull out some of the funniest lines that we still quote to this day.
"I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up." -- Samantha, Sixteen Candles
"Relax, would you? We have 70 dollars and a pair of girl's underpants. We're safe as kittens." -- The Geek, Sixteen Candles
"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?" -- Brian Johnson, The Breakfast Club
"Hey, homeboy, what do you say we close that door, we'll get the prom queen impregnated." -- John Bender, The Breakfast Club
"His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!" -- Duckie, Pretty in Pink
"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond." -- Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"If whoever was in this house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a scorching case of herpes." -- Jeannie Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car." -- Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted, and as a result it's very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going." -- Del, Planes, Trains and Automobiles
"I don't want to hear any more about anyone blowing anything out of their ass." -- Connie Ripley, The Great Outdoors
"Nothing burps better than bacon" -- Dutch, Dutch
"What do you like to do for fun? Oh, you like to wiggle and grunt. Me, too." -- Dutch, Dutch
"We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse." -- Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation
"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah." -- Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation
"This is what my girlfriend would look like without skin." -- Duncan, Some Kind of Wonderful
"I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh?" -- Cousin Eddie, Vacation
"I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads, Ken. That's serious." -- Jack Butler, Mr. Mom
"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face." -- Buck, Uncle Buck
Rattle off your favorite John Hughes-penned lines below.
120 Comments
Add a comment
Search thousands of recaps and more
BLOG ARCHIVES
The Moviefile
November 2009
17 Entries
October 2009
27 Entries
September 2009
30 Entries
August 2009
28 Entries
July 2009
34 Entries
June 2009
27 Entries
May 2009
24 Entries
April 2009
23 Entries
March 2009
18 Entries
February 2009
30 Entries
January 2009
56 Entries
December 2008
51 Entries
November 2008
61 Entries
October 2008
102 Entries
September 2008
86 Entries
August 2008
99 Entries
July 2008
116 Entries
June 2008
95 Entries
May 2008
86 Entries
April 2008
67 Entries
March 2008
14 Entries
Blog Categories
A Festival for the Rest...ival
14 Entries
Accidents Do Happen
42 Entries
Adventures in Fakery
52 Entries
Animation Desensitization
54 Entries
Box Office Tally
55 Entries
Coming Soonish
7 Entries
Cool Nerds Guide
2 Entries
Director? I Hardly Knew Her!
122 Entries
DVDs Unwrapped
22 Entries
For Your Amusement (Park)
7 Entries
Foreign Relations
31 Entries
Galleries (and Other Picture Postcards)
23 Entries
Girls on Film
47 Entries
I Voted for GORE!
78 Entries
I Want My DVD
54 Entries
I've Got Two Tickets to Merchandise
32 Entries
Indie, Indie, Come Back Home
4 Entries
It Came From New York
4 Entries
It Came From San Diego
11 Entries
It's a Major Award!
38 Entries
Legal Eaglese
18 Entries
Let's Blame the Media!
47 Entries
Let's Go To The Video!
26 Entries
Letterbox of Recommendations
13 Entries
Lights, Camera... Action Jackson!
88 Entries
Little TV Shows That Done Hit the Big Time
62 Entries
Martial Artistry
6 Entries
Momentous Occasions
22 Entries
More On Movies
0 Entries
Musicalifornication
36 Entries
Obituaries Without Pity
19 Entries
Oscars and Grouchery
6 Entries
Pros and Controversy
15 Entries
Reviews of Movies We Haven't Seen Yet
25 Entries
Reviews of Movies We've Actually Seen
85 Entries
Scary Monsters & Super Creeps
47 Entries
Sci-Fidelity
93 Entries
Script From the Headlines!
53 Entries
Separate but Sequel
191 Entries
Strike Watch
14 Entries
Stupid Cinematic Celebrity Sayings
33 Entries
Taste the Reading Rainbow
68 Entries
The Art of the Cannes
6 Entries
The Biz
115 Entries
The Casting Conch
165 Entries
The History, Booooyyyyy!
62 Entries
The Kongs of Comedy
125 Entries
Theatre With an "R" and an "E"
9 Entries
Top of the
0 Entries
Top of the MWoP
4 Entries
Trailer Trashing
54 Entries
Trailers Without Pity
21 Entries
Video Games Killed the Movie Star
20 Entries
We Call Do-Over
142 Entries
We Watches the Watchmen
33 Entries
What's Up, Documentary?
7 Entries
When Animal Movies Attack
7 Entries
You Got Comic Book in My Movie
194 Entries
You Know, For Kids!
93 Entries
Television Without Pity • © 2009 Bravo Media LLC • A Division of NBC Universal •
"I Gotta be Crazy, I'm on a Pilgramage to see a moose! PRAISE MARTY MOOSE! Holy Shit!"
Clark W. Griswold--
"Don't you EVER talk about my friends! You don't KNOW any of my friends, you don't LOOK at any of my friends, and you certainly wouldn't condescend to SPEAK to any of my friends! So you just stick to the things that you know: Shopping, nail polish, your daddy's BMW and your poor, rich drunk mother down in the Caribbean!"
"Now, you listen to me, mister.
God did not put me on this earth to be awakened
by filthy suggestions from a foul-mouthed hooligan
like you... and as for our granddaughter, I'm sure she has more than enough sense to stay clear of the likes of you!
Now, good night and good-bye!"
-16 Candles
RIP John Hughes. You are immortal if the quotes above are any indication. We will laugh forever at your brilliance.
"We're gonna bring this party up to a nice respectable level. Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt anyone. We're not even gonna touch 'em. We're just gonna make 'em cry a little, just by lookin' at 'em." -Duncan, Some Kind of Wonderful
And . . .
"You break his heart, I break your face." -Watts, SKOW
"Wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts? Pretty tasty. How do you think he rides a bike?"
"Demented and sad, but social..."
-- John Bender, The Breakfast Club
I have to admit, I love driving it, it is so choice! If you have the means i highly recommend picking one up-
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Saturday, March 24,1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed.
I'm Buck Melanoma. Moley Russell's wart. Not her wart. Not her wart! I'm... I'm the wart. She's my tumor. My... my growth. My... uh, my pimple. I'm Uncle Wart. Just old Buck "Wart" Russell. That's what they call me, or Melanoma Head. They'll call me that. "Melanoma Head's coming." -- Buck Russell, Uncle Buck
"My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion..."
"It is his fault he didn't lock the garage."
-Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"What's Happening, Hot Stuff?"
My impression of life at Big Bri's house!
"Son?"
"Yeah, Dad?"
"How was your day, son?"
"Great, Dad. How's yours?"
"Super. Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?"
"Great, Dad! But I have homework to do."
"That's okay, son. You can do it ON THE BOAT!"
"Gee.."
"Hon, isn't our son swell?"
"Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"
I could do this all day. What a brilliant, brilliant man.
Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city.
Miles: You have a house?
Buck: Apartment.
Miles: Own or rent?
Buck: Rent.
Miles: What do you do for a living?
Buck: Lots of things.
Miles: Where's your office?
Buck: I don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: I don't need one.
Miles: Where's your wife?
Buck: Don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don't.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's an even longer story.
Miles: Are you my Dad's brother?
Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: 38.
Buck: I'm your Dad's brother alright.
Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad.
Buck: How nice of you to notice.
Miles: I'm a kid - that's my job.
Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. The bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." Naked lady says . . . oh sh********!
-- The Breakfast Club
No more yankee my wankee! The donger need food!!!
"Dong, where is my Automobile?"
"I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek. " Samantha, Pretty in Pink
OOPS Sixteen Candles! To much copy/pasting! "I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek. " Samantha,
"does Barry Manilow know you raided his wardrobe?" Bender on The Breakfast club.
"I want a fucking car. Right. Fucking. Now."
Bueller. Bueller. Bueller.
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Ferris, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ditto Katie! I am so craving a Breakfast Club/16 Candles/Some Kind of Wonderful movie marathon now. Hmmm . . .
"The next time I have to come in here I'm crackin' skulls . . ." and ". . . Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns." --Vernon, Breakfast Club
Vernon: What if your dope was on fire?
Bender: Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.
"Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be Anarchy." --Bender, Breakfast Club
"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey he is. Hallelujah. Where's the Tylenol?"
~Clark W. Griswold "Christmas Vacation"
"Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place." ~ Jon Bender, The Breakfast Club
"You're not dying, you just can't think of anything better to do."
"The Sausage King of Chicago?"
I can go on and on.
Duckie: "Do I offend?"
"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the ... Read Moreeye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?" - Clark Griswold, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Fats man, le'me tell you my story, man. I was once crazy insane for this little 8th grade bitch. Insane Crazy!
Gary -- Weird Science
"Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour." - Eddie, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Christmas Vacation:
Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.
Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear?
Nora Griswold: Grace!
Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.
Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace.
[Bethany shakes her head in confusion]
Uncle Lewis: The BLESSING!
Aunt Bethany: [they all pose for prayer] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands/ One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Clark: Amen.
Andie: What do you want to drink? Duckie: Beer, Scotch a juice box...after he sings how much he loves her while she's getting his juice box she walks back into the room and he says that he must leave a great line:
I don't drink or drive that's why I ride a bike! Classic!
What's happenin' hot stuff?
John Bender: Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. Dad, what about you? Fuck you.
Brian Johnson: Is that for real?
John Bender: You wanna come over sometime?
School principal: Andie, if you put out signals that you don't wanna belong, people are gonna make sure that you don't.
Andie: That's a beautiful theory.
* * *
Duckie: I love this woman. I love this woman, and I have to tell her. And if she laughs, she laughs. And if she doesn't love me, she doesn't love me. Oh ... I love her too much!
School principal: Andie, if you put out signals that you don't wanna belong, people are gonna make sure that you don't.
Andie: That's a beautiful theory.
* * *
Duckie: I love this woman. I love this woman, and I have to tell her. And if she laughs, she laughs. And if she doesn't love me, she doesn't love me. Oh ... I love her too much!
"I think your old man and my old man should go bowling." --Bender, Breakfast Club
"Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive."
Ferris Bueller.
"I think your old man and my old man should go bowling." --Bender, Breakfast Club
"Oh, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads — they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."
Grace- Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"Oh, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads — they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."
Grace- Ferris Bueller's Day Off
The Geek: So, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...?
Samantha: Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass.
-Sixteen Candles
"Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?"
"She not here."
"Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?"
"She got married."
"What?"
"She at the church. She getting married to oily bohunk."
"Married?"
"Married."
"Married?"
"Yeah. Married"
"Married?"
"Married! Jeez.
Any fool can get into college. Only a select few can say the same about Amanda Jones.--Laura Nelson, Some Kind of Wonderful
Randy: ... and a pink Trans Am in the driveway, and some incredibly gorgeous guy that you meet like in France, and you do it on a cloud without getting pregnant or herpes.
Samantha: I don't need the cloud.
Randy: Just a pink Trans Am and a guy?
Samantha: A black one.
Randy: A black guy?
Samantha: A black Trans Am. A pink guy.
"You don't believe me?"
"No..."
"No?"
"Did I stutter?"
"Do you believe this? Huh? It's about the size of a cigar... Do I stutter? You see this is what you get when you spill paint at my house in the garage."
John Bender and Andrew Clark, The Breakfast Club
"So... What would you little maniacs like to do first?"
-- Lisa, Weird Science
What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... No, he's not retarded....
Sixteen Candles:)
When you grow up, your heart dies.
(Allison - Breakfast Club)
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. - Andrew, the Breakfast Club.
"I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people."
--Ferris Bueller
"Reeaaallll tomato ketchup, Eddie?" - Clark W. Griswold
****
"I'm going steady, and I French kiss."
"So, Everybody does that."
"Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it."
******
What do I think? I think you're all fucked in the head. We're fifteen hours from the fuckin' fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit! " - Clark W. Griswold
"Don't go away, Carolyn-baby!!" - Robin (Jami Gertz)
"I heard that you were feeling ill,
Headache, fever and a chill,
I came to help restore your pluck,
cause I'm the nurse who likes to..." [door slam]
- Singing telegram nurse, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"You killed the car."
Ferris Bueller
(We see the view of the whole congregation in the church as we hear Jim and Brenda Baker arguing in the back dressing room, gradually getting louder:)
Jim: "I don't care what she has - look at her!"
Brenda: "Jim, will you keep your VOICE DOWN? WE DON'T WANT TO TELL EVERYONE THAT SHE HAS HER PERIOD!!!"
(Up at the altar:)
Rudy the bohunk (elbowing the priest): "Bet all those people who thought we had to get married feel pretty stupid right about now, eh, padre?"
- 16 Candles
I can't believe they fucking forgot my birthday! (Samantha of course)
Ferris: Excuse me, do you speak English?
Attendant: What country do you think this is?
"Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."
--Simone, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Not many girls in contemporary American society would give up their underpants to help a geek like me.
Lake. Big Lake. --16 Candles
Do you realize you made yourself 68? What do you need a fake I.D. for anyway?
So I can vote! --Sporto andGeek/Breakfast Club
You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.
Lisa - Weird Science
We don't have a candy machine in the boy's bathroom!
Duckie - Pretty In Pink
"Worse?? How could it get any worse? Look around us, Ellen. We're on the threshold of hell!!!"--Clark, Christmas Vacation
"I don't want to spend the holidays DEAD."---Ellen, Christmas Vacation
"Welcome to Marathon, May I help you?"
"Yes"
"How may I help you?"
"You can start by wiping that f@ck!ng dumb@$$ smile off your rosy f@ck!ng cheeks, then you can get me a f@ck!ng automobile, a f@ck!ng Datsun, a f@ck!ng Toyota, a f@ck!ng Mustang, a f@ck!ng Buick, four f@ck!ng wheels and a seat!"
"I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me."
"And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of f@ck!ng nowhere with f@ck!ng keys to a f@ck!ng car that isn't f@ck!ng there, and I really didn't care to f@cking walk down a f@ck!ng highway and across a f@ck!ng runway to get back here and have you smile at my f@ck!ng face. I want a f@ck!ng car right f@ck!ng now."
"Can I see your rental agreement?"
"I threw it away."
"Oh boy"
"Oh boy - what?"
"You're f@cked!"
"Did she come here with you?"
"No, no. But if it's okay with my dad, she's going home with me."
--Jake and Farmer Ted, Sixteen Candles
"Very hot, very hot. This night, this night...it's happenin'"
--Farmer Ted, Sixteen Candles
"Yes, I'm back"
"So I smell."
--Randy and Farmer Ted, Sixteen Candles
"Oh, and they are so perky!"
--Grandma Helen, Sixteen Candles
"Hey Howard, there's your chinaman."
--Grandpa Fred, Sixteen Candles
"I feel fun'kay'!"
"Loved the teapot."
"I gotta rest."
--Strung out Ginny at her wedding, Sixteen Candles
"Chicks cannot hold the smoke. That's what it is."
--Gary, Weird Science
"When Cameron was in Egypt's land...Let my Cameron go."
--Cameron, Ferris Bueller
These, and several quotes already posted, made up the language of my teenage years. My best friend from high school and I still use these lines to give ourselves a giggle and send us back twenty years. Now, I'm "gonna go fix me a turkey pot pie" and reminisce.
"Those aren't pillows!!!!!!!!!!"
Planes, Trains & Automobiles
(*As Farmer Ted, Cliff and Bryce ring the doorbell at Jake's house*)
Farmer Ted: "Okay, you guys, be polite to his parents"
"You look good wearing my future." Keith, Some Kind of Wonderful
"You look good wearing my future." Keith, Some Kind of Wonderful
"I didn't know Hardy lived in a hen house, casue all I see is chicken shiiiiit" - Duncan, Some Kind of Wonderful
"You can't judge a book by its cover" - "yeah but you can tell how much its going to cost" - "Thats deep" "You want shallow, try Amanda Jones" (Keith and Watts)
Jack and Ron discussing his home improvement project.
Jack Of course I am going to rewire all this.
Ron You going to make it all 220
Jack 220 221 whatever it takes
Ron Well you sound like a real handy guy
Jack and Ron discussing his home improvement project.
Jack Of course I am going to rewire all this.
Ron You going to make it all 220
Jack 220 221 whatever it takes
Ron Well you sound like a real handy guy
Mr Mom
"Ooh. Sexy Girlfriend." Long Duk Dong Sixteen Candles
Face it... you are a neomaxizoomdweebie, what would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen? John Bender to Brian Johnson in the Breakfast Club
Anyone? ... Anyone? (a teacher in FBDO)
Funny thing, but watching 16 Candles and Ferris Bueller with my parents when I was a teenager and seeing my father almost pee from laughing so hard momentarily broke the adolescent-driven tension in our household.
"Ain't never seen anyone so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. You musta got manure for your brains."
"Yeah, well, we're from out of town. How much do I owe you?"
"How much you got?"
"No, I'm asking how much the repairs are."
"I'm asking how much you got!"
"You're out of your mind. Look, I don't have time to fool around so how much is it?"
"All of it, boy!" --Vacation
"You see that sign that say 'Rib Tips'? Well fuck that, you don't wanna go that way." --Vacation
"I wonder if these guys know the Commodores." --Vacation
"Drugs?"
"Thank you, no, I'm straight."
"I meant, are you in here for drugs?"
"Why are you here?"
"Drugs." --Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else." --Sixteen Candles
>>>"Chicks cannot hold the smoke. That's what it is."
--Gary, Weird Science
Actually, Brian, Breakfast Club
One of my all-time faves:
"You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore." -- Ferris Bueller's Day Off
SAVE FERRIS
"What kind of idiots do you have working here?"
"The finest in New York!"
-Home Alone 2
"Jake Ryan? He's taken. I mean REALLY taken. Besides, he doesn't even know you exist!" - Sixteen Candles
"Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It's bad for your complexion!" - Sixteen Candles
"Well, I'm off like a dirty shirt!" - Pretty In Pink
"What - do I offend?" - Pretty In Pink
"What's happening, hot stuff?" - Sixteen Candles
"I can't believe it. The Dong's been here 5 hours and he's already got a girlfriend. I live here my whole life and I'm like a disease." - Sixteen Candles
"I'd shit twice and die." - Sixteen Candles
"Why do you have all that stuff in your purse?" - The Breakfast Club
Frankly, I don't care if you live, die, or grow mushrooms in your crack.
Just great! Hmmm.. hope to see more.
Check out: National Underwear Day.
That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.
You threatening me?
What are you gonna do about it? You think anyone's gonna believe you? You think anyone is gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me around here. I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack of shit and everybody knows it. Oh, you're a tough guy. Hey c'mon. Get on your feet pal. Let's find out how tough you are. I wanna know right now how tough you are.
Just take the first shot. I'm begging you, take a shot. Just one hit. Come on, that's all I need, just one swing...
That's what I thought. You're a gutless turd.
Vernon and Bender - The Breakfast Club
Del: You're in a pretty lousy mood, huh?
Neal: To say the least.
Del: You ever travel by bus before?
Del: Hmm. Your mood's probably not going to improve much
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (best movie ever!!)
Kate: I have been from Chicago to Paris to Dallas to... where the hell am I?
Attendant: Scranton.
Kate: I am trying to get home to my eight-year-old SON! And now that I'm this close you're telling me it's hopeless?
Attendant: Ma'am -
Kate: No, no, no, no, this is CHRISTMAS! The season of perpetual HOPE! I don't care if I have to get out to that runway and hitchhike! If it takes me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the Devil himself, I am getting home to my son.
Attendant: Well, ma'am, what we can do is -
Kate: Do it TODAY!
Home Alone
I loathe the bus - Sam, Sixteen Candles
THANK YOU, A-Stan! That is my all-time fave because it has it all: short & to the point, Molly R's perfect delivery, and Mr. Hughes' accompanying pan over the bus' interior. Not to mention that it sums up life for the automotive-challenged to a T! RIP, John Hughes.
"Get in your mouse, and get the hell out of here!"
Uncle Buck
Eating and driving - it's as convenient as skiing and doing your taxes.
Popular, muscular, hot, happening, and capable of reducing your head to a crimson stain on the wall.
You can't judge a book by its cover.
Yeah, but you can tell how much it's gonna cost.
All from Some Kind of Wonderful
Farmer Ted was one of the all time classic teen characters. Here's a few of my favorites...
It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
Guy in gym: Geek, can I be honest with you?
Farmer Ted: Not if you're gonna insult me.
You gave me a birth control pill? Do you know what that can do to a guy my age?
Farmer Ted: Just answer me one question.
Samantha: Yes, you're a total fag.
Farmer Ted: Ha ha ha. That's not the question.
Things I say on a regular basis, after all of these years:
"Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"
"Do I offend?"
"I'm off like a dirty shirt."
"I don't want to spend the holidays dead!"
"We went to a museum, we saw priceless works of art! We ate pancreas!"
"I heard that you were feeling ill. Headache, fever, and a chill. I came to help restore your pluck, cause I'm the nurse who likes to... "
"So THAT'S how it is in their family."
"Gummi bear? It's been in my pocket; they're real warm and soft."
"You're not dying. You just can't think of anything good to do."
"This is a very nutritious lunch. All of the food groups are represented."
"WHY IS THAT DOOR CLOSED?!"
"Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie!"
"Yes, I always carry this much shit in my bag."
"You wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts?" (Great ice breaker)
(About the prom)
Iona: "I have this girlfriend who didn't go to hers, and every once in a while, she gets this really terrible feeling--you know, like something is missing. She checks her purse, and then she checks her keys. She counts her kids, she goes crazy, and then she realizes that nothing is missing. She decided it was side effects from skipping the prom."
There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen... M-my-my-my name is Bueller...
[pause]
Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother is feeling better, but I'm in danger, okay? I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body. I don't want it violated or killed, all right? I need help! Speaka de English? DICKHEAD! ~Jeannie in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Bender: Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian: Uh, no. Mr. Johnson.
That one always makes me laugh.
This has got to be a joke...Grandparents forgetting a birthday?! They live for that shit!! - Samantha Baker, [i]Sixteen Candles)[/i]
Everybody in this family has gone totally Outer Limits. - Samantha
Don't be a smartass.
Okay, I'll be a dumbass. - Mrs. Baker and Mike Baker, [i]Sixteen Candles[/i]
Happy Birthday Samantha. Make a wish.
It already came true. - Jake Ryan and Samantha Baker, [i]Sixteen Candles[/i]
Never had one lesson!! - Ferris Bueller
He'll keep calling me...he'll keep calling me until I come over...He'll make me feel guilty. This is - this is ridiculous..Ok. I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'll GO...Shit. - Cameron Frye, [i]Ferris Bueller's Day Off[/i]
Well, where is she? This is her daughter.....Do know where she is?.....Well, do you know when she'll be back?.....Do you know... anything?....Speak any English?! [slams phone down]....DICK...HEAD!!! - Jeannie Bueller
What's your name?
Dong.
What's your first name?
Long.
Well, what's your middle name?
Duck.
So priceless in the deadpan delivery and the hard "k" sound in "duck".
Also, not a quote, but died laughing over him using the fork and spoon as chopsticks.
"Let my Cameron go-o" (sung)
"Whaaaat? It's done out of love!"
-Chet, Weird Science
"if you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle."
-Jeannie, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Kenny, don't paint your sister!
-Jack, Mr Mom
Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?
-Farmer Ted, Sixteen Candles
Very clever dinner. Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie.
-Dong, Sixteen Candles
Wait, black and white. It would
capture the moment so nicely.
-Bryce, Sixteen Candles
I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need, is a lobotomy and some tights.
-Bender, Breakfast Club
"If you keep eating your hand, you're not gonna be hungry for lunch"
and: "I've seen her dehydrate sir, it's pretty gross"
- The Breakfast Club
Bug: "Ever hear of a tune-up? Hee hee hee hee hee."
Buck: "Ah, heh heh heh. Ever hear of a ritual killing? Ah, heh heh heh heh heh"
Bug: "I don't get it."
Buck: "You gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. Ah, heh heh heh heh!" ~ Uncle Buck
Ron Richardson: "Yeah? Are you gonna make it all 220?"
Jack Butler: "Yeah. 220... 221, whatever it takes." ~ Mr. Mom
"He says we're going the wrong way...
"Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going? "
-Del, Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Sorry - thought of more....
"Well, I like art, I work in a gas station, my best friend is a tomboy. These things don't fly too well in the American high school." ~ Keith, Some Kind Of Wonderful
"I think it's safe to say that this party is about to become a historical fact." ~ Duncan, SKOW
(Gary is chanting & Wyatt looks confused. They are wearing bras on their heads)
Wyatt: "Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?"
Garry: *pause* "Ceremonial." ~ Weird Science
(to Wyatt's grandfather) "Stop hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat!" ~ Lisa, Weird Science
"May I admire you again today?"
"This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing, it's really marvelous!"
"It's called a sense of humor - you should get one - they're nice."
(with a juice box in hand) "Drinking and driving don't mix. That's why I ride a bike." ~ Duckie, Pretty in Pink *who, for the record, was the love of my entire teen life...lol*
"Shitter was full!"
Cousin Eddie, Christmas Vacation
Grouper, Grouper, It's Grouper "She's Having A Baby"
"my little brother just paid a buck to see your underwear."-sixteen candles-
AUTOMOBILE??!! -long duck dong; sixteen candles
To expand on bbk above:
From The Breakfast Club:
John Bender: Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the physics club?
Claire Standish: That's an academic club.
John Bender: So?
Claire Standish: So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.
John Bender: Ah... but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?
Brian Johnson: Well, in physics we... we talk about physics, properties of physics.
John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?
"Sweets, you couldn't ignore me if you tried."
- Bender to Claire, The Breakfast Club
From The Great Outdoors:
Kate Craig: Ahh!
[Kate and Roman run out of their bedroom]
Roman: What?
Kate Craig: It touched me!
Roman: It's been touching you for 12 years, you never freak!
"Sooner or later, everyone goes to the zoo." - Sloane, Feris Bueller's Day Off
Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Guy: Nothin' nothin'.
Rooney: Who's winning?
Pizza Guy: The Bears.
Jeannie: Ferris...
Rooney: ... Bueller
Jeannie: Ah-ha!
Rooney: Ah-ha!
Jeannie: *SCREAMS* then delivers several face-kicks to Mr. Rooney that would make Chuck Norris proud.
"THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!"
"He's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands."
Sloan Peterson, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
"How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?" -- Chet, Weird Science
I used this line many times in college when roommates were hung over.
From my favorite Hughes flick, Some Kind of Wonderful...
Watts: "Ray, this is 1987. Did you know a girl can be anything she wants to be?"
Ray: "I know. My mom's a plumber."
I gotta go introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake.
The Great Outdoors