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We Predict the Plots of the Next Five Saw Movies

Five years ago, when the first Saw came out, who could have guessed that a low-budget horror film starring Danny Glover, Dina Meyer and Cary Elwes at his most melodramatic would turn into a six-film franchise? Well, we're sure some people could have -- after all, low-budget horror movies make up the lion's share of film franchises. Still, the rate of one new Saw movie a year is impressive, and the fact that Saw VI comes out this month and they've already got Saw VII and VIII scheduled is incredible, if a no-brainer at this point. Still, the plot of the movies keeps getting more and more intricate, as do the deathtraps, so we thought we'd take a wild guess at where the franchise is going from here. Bear with us, it may get bloody.

Saw VII
Lt. Hoffman, Jigsaw's protege, removes his face to reveal that he was Jigsaw all along, and Jigsaw was actually Hoffman, and Hoffman was the one with cancer. Perfectly healthy, Jigsaw designs a trap using a Ferris wheel, in which each carriage is designed to chop up its passengers using a different blender setting. After watching passengers get mixed, pureed and frapped, spunky carnival enthusiast Mitzi escapes her carriage just in time to avoid a fatal pulsing. However, unlocking the carriage door causes the Ferris wheel to speed up, whipping the remaining carriages and their passengers into the bay.

Saw VIII
Furious that Mitzi has escaped, Jigsaw arranges it so Mitzi is invited to be on The Price is Right, where Jigsaw kills and skins Drew Carey, wearing his skin like a suit. Telling Mitzi to come on down, Jigsaw/Drew Carey handcuffs Mitzi to her podium and tells her to guess the price of a new car to within $10, or her podium will explode. If she is over, her mother dies; if she is under, her father dies. She ends up being under, which means her father is killed by rotating knives. However, now Mitzi's cat is inside the Plinko machine, and Mitzi must play Plinko under threat of death. Unwilling to possibly sacrifice her cat, Mitzi refuses to play Plinko, and her podium explodes, killing her and her mother. Unfortunately, her cat, Mr. Scratches, is revealed to be Jigsaw's new apprentice, and was the one who lured her parents to their deaths.

Saw IX
Hearing of Drew Carey's death, his former castmates from The Drew Carey Show and Whose Line Is It, Anyway? band together to hunt down Jigsaw and Mr. Scratches. Breaking into an old warehouse, they are all gassed and wake up strapped into elaborate, improv-related deathtraps. Diedrich Bader and Ryan Stiles are tied together, one blind and the other armless, so that one must Bader as the Stiles' arms to defuse a bomb. They fail. Craig Ferguson and Greg Proops awaken to find strange objects strapped to their hands, which they must use to improvise a scene before the time expires. They fail. The final pair, Wayne Brady and Kathy Kinney, must compose a song about their predicament in the style of an old Hollywood musical, and if they waver in that style, they fail. This duo, however, succeeds, and they are allowed to leave the warehouse alive, but still shackled together. However, the exit is not as big as the entrance, and Kinney gets stuck, leading Brady to saw her arm off in order to escape. Jigsaw captures the dismemberment on tape, and plays it during a live broadcast of Let's Make a Deal. Now on the run from the police, Brady agrees to become Jigsaw's apprentice.

Saw X: Saw in Space
In 100 years, the frozen corpse of Jigsaw is thawed out for research purposes on a space platform orbiting Pluto. Jigsaw is not dead, however, and he begins luring the researchers into areas of the station that are somehow programmed to make them choose their deaths or the deaths of others. In the end, it is revealed that the entire space station is one massive death trap, designed by Jigsaw and built by the great-grandson of Jigsaw, who is also played by Tobin Bell. The grandson becomes Jigsaw's tenth apprentice.

Saw's Eleven
With his ten apprentices chosen, Jigsaw reveals his master plan: to rob the Hotel Bellagio in Las Vegas, which has really not changed much in the last 100 years. With Mr. Scratches in the ventilation shafts, performer Wayne Brady getting them past security and his own grandson/doppelganger as the engineer (plus seven other apprentices not played by a cat, Tobin Bell or Wayne Brady, and therefore not worth getting into here), Jigsaw hopes to get away with over $50 million. Wiring hotel staff into deathtraps only when absolutely necessary, Jigsaw and his team finally make it into the vault, only to find out that it is, in fact, one massive deathtrap constructed by the great-grandson of Cary Elwes' character from the first movie, who is played by Cary Elwes. Just as melodramatic as his great-grandfather, Elwes watches the group kill each other to escape, donning the pig mask to become the new Jigsaw of the 22nd century.

See which Saw character made our Scariest Movie Villains of All Time gallery.

5 Comments

October 22, 2009 4:32 PM
Rose
Reply

Ok, that was awesome.

October 22, 2009 7:50 PM
Craig
Reply

I have to agree. Credit where credit is due. Extra points for remembering the Godwin's Law of Horror Movies: "With each installment of a horror franchise, the likelihood of a chapter taking place in space approaches 1."

October 22, 2009 8:21 PM
Ellen M
Reply

I'm in awe. Zach, you're incredible. Mr. Scratches salutes you.

October 26, 2009 9:17 PM
LJ
Reply

Absolutely awesome, the screenwriters would be wise to pick up on this! Hilarious

October 29, 2009 2:23 AM
Jesse
Reply

That was perhaps one of the most hilarious things I have ever read on this site. I have nothing else to add.

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