2012 Isn't John Cusack's First Cinematic Disaster

The new disaster movie to end all disaster movies known as 2012 enters theaters this weekend with John Cusack in the hero role. This film involves crashing aircraft carriers, tidal waves and the destruction of New York, California and the White House. It looks relentless and John Cusack looks like he's going to do his best to stop whatever is causing this worldwide annihilation... or at least avoid getting killed in the process. But while this is Cusack's first proper disaster flick, there are other movies he's made that turned out to be massive disasters of a different sort. Some might have even been considered career suicide. He's lucky he survived.

Must Love Dogs
Do we really have to explain why this comedy about internet dating was lame? This terribly written, cliché-riddled rom-com about lovelorn folks desperately seeking love by lying about their interests in their dating profiles had two decent stars (Cusack and Diane Lane) doing ridiculous things. Waste of both talent and cute dogs.

America's Sweethearts
It may not be cool to admit, but we were charmed by Notting Hill and the cute fake press junket that everyman Hugh Grant used to woo the famous Julia Roberts. However, this film, which also involves a press junket and Julia Roberts, just grated on our last nerve. If we want to learn more about rich and famous people having problems, we'll stick to reading gossip blogs.

War, Inc.
When Hilary Duff is the best thing about a movie that is supposed to be an edgy political satire, you know you're in trouble.

Identity
While some of Cusack's recent rom-coms haven't exactly been stellar (with the exception of the somehow watchable Serendipity) his turn to the horror genre wasn't exactly a wise move. This flick about being trapped in a motel with a killer on the loose was utterly generic. Though we admit all that rain was cool to look at.

Pushing Tin
Not as much a disaster as some of the others, but pretty boring nevertheless. If we want to watch anything involving Cusack and an airplane, it will be Con Air... or the ending of Say Anything.

1408
We're still annoyed that we paid money to see this irritating horror movie. By the end, we were hoping that he'd stay trapped in that hotel room, while we couldn't wait to escape. Enough with the hotels and motels, John.

Martian Child
OK, we'll be honest, we barely recalled that this existed, and we definitely didn't see it. But we're also not sure that anyone else did, either. That's a sign of an epic disaster in our book. Yes, it's based on a touching memoir by acclaimed sci-fi author David Gerrold, but the film adaptation has sentimental trainwreck written all over it.

The Road to Wellville
It's a movie about chewing. That's right, chewing. Chewing food, we should add, not the gross kind of chewing that baseball players do. There's even a song about it in the film. There's also a lot of talk about colonics, putting yogurt in uncomfortable places and other fun digestive issues. 'Cause enemas are just so hysterical.

Well, guess they can't all be Better Off Dead. Leave your other suggestions for terrible John Cusack movies below. Or let us know if you are a big fan of Must Love Dogs. Fair warning, you may be mocked.

45 Comments

November 11, 2009 3:11 PM
cusackfan
Reply

Wow, you're either one hell of a Cusack hater or just bored to death. Either way, stop talking for all people. You might present your personal opinion, but shouldn't speak for anyone else, especially people who are absolutely not interested in it.

November 11, 2009 3:49 PM
NotoriousJMG
Reply

Whoa there, cusackfan. TWoP isn't necessarily going after John Cusack - they rain down the sharp jabs without discrimination. Nobody is safe from their snark, and since John Cusack is the lead actor in one of the final blockbusters of 2009, it makes sense to poke some fun at him.

November 11, 2009 3:49 PM
Beth
Reply

I agree with you on everything except "Martian Child." It was ridiculously sweet and sentimental, but it was not a train wreck. At least not as train wreck-y as the other stuff on the list.

November 11, 2009 3:52 PM
cibele
Reply

I like him. America's Sweethearts was really good.

November 11, 2009 3:58 PM
Janice
Reply

Serendipity was watchable? Mmmkay...

November 11, 2009 4:30 PM
SaneN85
Reply

I'd definitely switch out America's Sweethearts with Serendipity on this list. However, I love John Cusack, even if not all his films are great (or even good). In fact, most aren't. He is still one of my favorite actors, for some inexplicable reason.
Also, I liked Identity, mostly.

November 11, 2009 6:38 PM
Hillary
Reply

America's Sweethearts is my favorite movie ever!

jes...hungket

November 11, 2009 7:41 PM
Tyler
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Yes, even John Cusack can't save most of these pictures. But seriously, y'all should give "Martian Child" a try. Yes, it's a little bit saccharine, but unless you're prejudiced against all warm fuzzy feelings, it's worth a go.

November 11, 2009 10:42 PM
GM
Reply

I have loved John Cusack since I was five years old because of Better Off Dead and then Say Anything. But it occurred to me recently that I like him because of his likeable screen presence and earnest persona not particularly because all of his films have been great in fact there have been some real turkeys. That being said that is not to say that he was bad in any of them (even the running in Roman sandals in Con Air amused me somehow). The rom com stuff isn't art but it isn't bad either as far as that stuff goes (Pushing Tin and Must Love Dogs aren't Citizen Kane but perfectly fine dvd or daytime movie fare). American Sweethearts was truly woeful though.

Part of the problem is that they don't actually make a lot of good films these days, so beggars can't be choosers. To have one Lloyd Dobler role in a career is more than most have (Reese Witherspoon had Tracey Flick, Christian Slater had Happy Harry Hard On). That being said I'm not sure about this 2012 direction....

November 12, 2009 10:42 AM
AJ
Reply

I actually really liked Identity. And it's kind of sad, but Cusack really rocked when he voiced Dimitri in Anastasia.

November 12, 2009 10:46 AM
JJSmith
Reply

Again, I'm not going to leap to the defense of Must Love Dogs, but it was an okay film and I liked bits of it.

Martian Child was sentimental and over-the-top, but not a true disaster.

I tend to stay away from "horror/suspense" so I skipped 1408 and Identity.

I'm glad Serendipity wasn't on this list because I truly enjoyed it.

However, there can be no defense for America's Sweethearts OR War, Inc. I went in with the same sort of Notting Hill (this could be cute) expectations and they spent money on a fistful of talented actors--and yet, it was horrid. I think Catherine Zeta Jones can take most of the blame for draining away what little life this movie had.

War Inc.--See, this is truly sad. I was expecting Grosse Pointe redux. They had the band back together minus Minnie Driver, Hank Azaria, and Mr. Trick (can't remember the actor's name; he played Mr. Trick on Buffy Season 3). Frankly, I would not have said that Hank Azaria or Minnie Driver were the difference in making Grosse Pointe Blank one of my favorite movies (and certainly my favorite John Cusack movie). Nedless to say, I was disgusted with the results in War Incorporated.

November 12, 2009 11:02 AM
wow
Reply

We need a list of the stinkers that Jane Lynch has been in. Oh wait, That would be hundreds of shows and movies.

November 12, 2009 11:20 AM
Stef
Reply

Huh, I thought 1408 was actually really cool and creepy.

November 12, 2009 11:35 AM
Trace
Reply

"And it's kind of sad, but Cusack really rocked when he voiced Dimitri in Anastasia."

AJ, this made me laugh, because while CurrentMe might scoff, MiddleSchoolMe would heartily agree.

November 12, 2009 12:28 PM
H
Reply

I liked America's Sweethearts. I generally like John Cusack as he's a good actor and easy on the eyes. I liked him as one of Farmer Ted's dweebs in Sixteen Candles.

November 12, 2009 1:12 PM
Shelley
Reply

WOW -"Jane Lynch" ? Really? how is she mentioned in the same sentence as an actor who has been performing for close to 30 years?

November 12, 2009 1:37 PM
Anonymous
Reply

How can you hate Road to Wellville? That movie is hilarious! I don't even remember him in it.

November 12, 2009 3:39 PM
Anonymous
Reply

John Cusack has only been acting five years longer than Jane Lynch...

November 12, 2009 3:59 PM
aeryn
Reply

"somehow watchable Serendipity"... wait, what? that movie should be first on this list. but i agree with another commenter, "martian child" wasn't all that terrible just a little boring, and yet another commenter, "must love dogs" was kind of a guilty pleasure movie and not quite terrible. the others on this list are well deserved. how about a best of's list? one would have to mention his small part in "16 candles" and the cult classic "better off dead."

November 12, 2009 4:32 PM
Julie
Reply

"The Road To Wellville" stands out in my memory as being so excruciatingly bad that my boyfriend and I actually had an argument after we left the theater. Not about the movie, but because the movie was so horrible it just put us both in a rotten mood and we fought all the way home. Now, THAT'S some bad cinema, right there.

November 12, 2009 4:58 PM
gf120581
Reply

Okay, I agree with nearly all of those choices but don't you dare put "1408" on this list. That's probably Cusack's finest film of recent years and one of the best Stephen King adaptation of all time. And it's pretty much all Cusack's show (with a nice assist from Samuel L. Jackson, but still, he's pretty much by himself through the film) and he carries the film. The fact that you put that on this list and not the insipid "Serendipity" shows you've got some messed up standards.

November 12, 2009 5:25 PM
Lyg
Reply

Yeah, most of the films on this list are lame (but how can Serentity be excluded?)

But Say Anything and Grosse Pointe Blank pretty much make up for them all!!

November 12, 2009 5:41 PM
Caito
Reply

Um... cusackfan? We're did you get the idea that the writer was talking for all people? Obviously, these are the opinions of the writer (they only say we because they are supposed to be a voice for TWOP) and it would be ridiculous for them to say 'In my opinion' or 'I believe' over and over again. Most of us understand that when someone writes something, they're expressing they're own beliefs. I, and most other people, don't need them to make this explicitly clear.

BTW, I like John Cusack, but he, like most actors, has done some really crappy movies. Plus, I heart Joan Cusack.

November 12, 2009 6:04 PM
Amanda
Reply

I liked Must Love Dogs. Rom-coms are usually pretty formulaic so I didn't mind that. I loved that little Westie.

I thought that 1408 was pretty awesome.

November 12, 2009 7:38 PM
Lara
Reply

I heart John Cusack. Even in bad movies, his charisma shines through!

November 12, 2009 9:33 PM
Anonymous
Reply

pushing tin wasn't bad...

November 12, 2009 9:39 PM
Nick
Reply

John Cusack is so damn likeable - that's the main reason the film industry has been so forgiving of his indiscretion.

That and 'High Fidelity' is the ultimate boy romcom.

November 12, 2009 9:48 PM
susanjs
Reply

Add me to the pro-Martian Child ranks. I caught it on cable, and really enjoyed it. Yeah it was sweet and sentimental, but it was also heartfelt and the characters were well-developed. I think John Cusack is one of those actors who can make any movie more entertaining and watchable just by being in it. Hope that's true for 2012, since I have a soft spot for apocalypse-wow type flicks.

November 13, 2009 3:23 AM
Siobhan
Reply

I like America's Sweethearts, thought it was a good funny movie. But I admit you can either love it or hate it.

Strongly disagree on Identity though, it's hardly generic. How many movies have you seen where mostly all the main characters in a movie are split personalities of one character.
Fantastic twist and the movie does make you jump in places.

November 13, 2009 5:52 AM
Jill Lemon
Reply

I heard in a radio show somebody calling John Cusack the Thinking Woman's Tom Cruise. But maybe that was before him making bad career moves. Love him still though.


Add me to those who liked Identity. John Cusack and Amanda Peet in one movie makes up for the lame child killer thing.

Grosse Point Blank is still my fave hands down.

November 13, 2009 6:20 AM
C
Reply

Martian Child was a pretty cool movie

November 13, 2009 6:42 AM
Dale
Reply

Strongly disagree on 1408 - well-directed, well-acted horror movie with a pretty well fleshed-out main character, some really creepy moments, and a pretty great ending. Partially disagree on Martian Child - it was far too sentimental and kinda boring, but genuinely sweet, and with good performances.

November 13, 2009 9:49 AM
Kate
Reply

I have to disagree on America's Sweethearts. Don't get me wrong, it isn't like it is Oscar Worthy or anything like that but it was cute and fun and I thought John Cusack was completely charming in it. I also kind of like Identity and 1408 as well. Of course, I just love this guy and was bummed he wasn't able to be in Scrubs last season.

November 13, 2009 10:10 AM
Nancy
Reply

I actually prefer The Sure Thing to Say Anything. The former features the Best performance by a young adult male actor EVAH.

November 13, 2009 10:49 AM
tinpanannie
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John Cusack is such a likeable actor that I have to forgive him appearing in a bad movie. Although Say Anything is probably his best known role it is The Grifters" that is his best I think. That death scene still haunts me.

November 14, 2009 4:18 PM
Trapflap
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I watched ALL of these movies, and it actually killed me. I'm dead now, this is a triggered response from an offshore server. John Cusack is that poisonous. You are warned, world!

November 15, 2009 9:57 AM
Cathy B
Reply

Looks like everyone who posted did so about another movie John Cusack was in. Well I actually went to see this movie and loved it. It was a bit creepy to say the least to see streets and freeways falling apart that we had traveled on and the Vegas part was just as creepy and although it was a bit over the top if there ever was an earthquake of that magnitude...it would not be over the top anymore than Katrina was in New Orleans..something no one would ever have dreamed could have taken place either. You may not believe in 2012 but check out what the scientists think....they are not saying it is all bunk.

November 15, 2009 10:02 AM
Cathy B
Reply

Disaster films are supposed to be made this way...the whole idea is for the stars to go through all kinds of horrible situations and come out on the other side alive and well and able to live happily ever after. John Cusack I think did a great job in this film. He portrayed a writer who was a bit detached from everyday life including his family and in the beginning he was the same about what was about to happen to his world until time after time he kept getting subtle messages to pay attention. The only thing I would have like better would have been if they had ended the movie with all the survivors in the new land they were going to inhabit.

November 16, 2009 12:39 AM
victor
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I actually liked War, it was weird and freaky. Cult in a lot of aspects

November 17, 2009 4:39 PM
peskydang
Reply

I saw Martian Child at an adoption conference and the audience was genuinely touched by the love in it. But I guess warm-fuzzy feel-good movies are out of fashion right now.

November 20, 2009 2:21 PM
altair23
Reply

Love Grosse Pointe Blank, and Cusack is great, Say Anything is worthy of note and High Fidelity (also features 2-minute erotic-robot-sequence with Jack Black that is brilliant)is also worth checking out...The Jury...I am still waiting for his Oscar-winning movie...He's so good...

November 27, 2009 2:53 PM
Barry
Reply

Rob, top five cinematic crimes perpetuated by John Cuskack in the '90s and '00s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great actor for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?

November 29, 2009 7:02 PM
Aspiringactor
Reply

Though he was good in the movie, Anastasia itself sucked-poorly thought out situations, unoriginality to the point of plagiarism, and cliches that have been executed better make for a movie that's too dumb even for kids.

October 15, 2010 5:16 PM
irene
Reply

and youre obviously one of those ppl who watches harry potter and twilight! your review on IDENTITY and 1408 made me realize how stupid you are! 1408 is not supposed to be "scary" you fucking moron

October 22, 2010 4:55 PM
diane
Reply

I saw a movie similar to 2012 but in the end the two children are saved by aliens. I can't remember the name so I can't rent it. Can anyone help?

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