There are a lot of terrible movie titles out there, and everyone has their list, but most of these titles are attached to terrible films! It's when bad titles are attached to good movies that there starts to be a problem. For instance, this week, The Men Who Stare at Goats hits theaters, and we thought it was a lot of fun, but that title is a real snoozer. Who's going to go see this movie with that title? Yes, they stare at goats, but they stare at them to make their hearts stop beating! Why not call the movie Goat Killers? Or Heartstoppers? Or The Men Who Kill Goats With Their Minds? We looked at the last decade and found a bunch of film titles we think misrepresent or detract from the films they're attached to, for various reasons.
Quantum of Solace (2008)
We don't mind all of the James Bond movies with puns for titles, and when they're particularly unforgivable or banal (Octopussy and Tomorrow Never Dies, respectively), it's usually a sub-par entry in the series, so no harm, no foul. But Quantum of Solace continues the relentless revenge mission begun by new Bond Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, and yet it has a title that should have been reserved for a movie about a physicist whose grandmother has died. Yes, we realize it's an original Ian Fleming title, but it was used for an unrelated story in which Bond attends a dinner party. We shall say no more.
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
We get it, Quentin Tarantino. We get that you really like the 1978 movie Inglorious Bastards, or at least the title. But since you're not remaking it, do you really need to appropriate the name for your own ragtag group of World War II soldiers? And spell it wrong to differentiate between the two?
Cloverfield (2008)
As much as we love J.J. Abrams for creating a great American monster movie, and for getting us so excited about it that he ultimately decided to go with the original, placeholder title for it, we have to be disappointed that that title is so ridiculous. Cloverfield? The name of the highway exit you take to get to your office in Santa Monica? It doesn't lend itself to people in the street screaming, "Run! It's Cloverfield!" That's not a monster name, it's a My Little Pony name.
Michael Clayton (2007)
Most movie titles that are simply people's names are about celebrities like Muhammad Ali or Amelia Earhart or Harvey Milk or Ray Charles. Or, if they're not famous, they have an entertaining name like Erin Brockovich. Not only is "Michael Clayton" not famous and an incredibly boring name, this title tells us nothing about the film's gripping story about an attorney working for a major law firm as a "fixer," who gets clients out of difficult situations.
The Squid and the Whale (2005)
We realize that the title is meant to refer to Jeff Daniels and Laura Linney, who play intellectual parents whose relationship is deteriorating. Locked in a constant struggle with each other for the undivided love and attention of their children, they are certainly very much like the model of the squid fighting the whale at the Museum of Natural History. However, taken out of context, the title sounds like one of Aesop's Fables, or possibly a sequel to Disney's The Fox and the Hound, about a baby squid and a baby whale who are best friends. Squid vs. Whale, while still abstruse, would have at least implied conflict, a formula used to great (if literal) effect in Eagle vs. Shark and Monsters vs. Aliens.
Minority Report (2002)
If you've got a balls-to-the-wall action film in which Tom Cruise takes on a high-tech police force with jet-packs who can tell what crime you're going to commit before you even commit it, don't use the name of the Philip K. Dick story it's taken from. There's a reason "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" became Blade Runner, and "We Can Remember it For You Wholesale" became Total Recall. Yes, "The Minority Report" is a lot shorter title than those others, but it's still a hard-to-understand bit of technobabble describing a vision of the future that probably won't happen, because only one psychic sees it, and not two.
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)
Another re-used book title, this is the rare case where a good movie with a long name would benefit by that name being shortened considerably. The movie is not an action film by any means, but that doesn't mean we want to fall asleep before we get done reading the title.
Hot Fuzz (2007)
An attempt to lend excitement to a cutesy nickname for the police, it's the most ridiculous title one could come up with for a movie about small-town police officers. They're "the fuzz," but they're hot fuzz! We certainly appreciate the sentiment, but we can't bring ourselves to recommend the movie to people without feeling a little silly. It also sounds slightly pornographic.
eXistenZ (1999)
Another mind-trip from David Cronenberg, this movie about a video game designer who jacks herself and a PR agent into the only copy of the titular bio-organic virtual-reality game, has some annoying capitalization and spelling going on. Apparently, "isten" is the Hungarian word for God, which is why it's set off by capitals, but writing it down is like Sarah Jessica Parker's character in L.A. Story telling us how to spell "SanDeE*. ("Big 'S', little 'a', little 'n', big 'D', little 'e', big 'E' and a star at the end.")
What do you think are the worst movie titles? Don't get that confused with the worst films; sometimes a bad film can stink up a good title.
I'm pretty sure in Minority Report the title refers to when the two male psychics see something that the female does not see.
I like the title of Hot Fuzz. It makes perfect sense to me in the context of what kind of movie it is. It makes fun of so many action movie cliches and the movie title makes fun of the multiple meaningless or odd two-word movie titles of older popular action movies. I think the randomness and silliness of the title works perfectly.
(Oh and it wouldn't have made sense to call Blade Runner "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" because one, it's kind of long and two, the title makes no sense when applied to the movie which doesn't even touch on lots of things the orignal book does. I get your point though. Blade Runner sounds much cooler.)
I actually don't mind the Men Who Stare at Goats as a title. I think it's kind of funny.
Who's going to see this movie with the title Men who Stare at Goats? Oh let me tell you- me, on opening night. So yes, I have no problem with the title either.
I don't know, I like almost all of these titles... not "eXistenZ," though, I guess.
You forgot the King of all bad titles : Attack of the Clones
other bad titles:
The Phantom Menace
Master and Commander : The Far Side of the Far side of the World
Best Title of All Time:
The Empire Strikes Back
Worst title of all time:
Attack of the Clones
runnerup: The Phantom Menace
Greatest title of all time :
The Empire Strikes Back
I actually really like the Men Who Stare at Goats for a movie title... one of my favorite recent movies has one of the most forgettable titles of all time: Wanted. I can never remember what it's called since the name seems to have nothing whatever to do with the movie. Unlike Blade Runner for example which also had nothing to do with the movie but which actually sounded cool.
I actually really like the Men Who Stare at Goats for a movie title... one of my favorite recent movies has one of the most forgettable titles of all time: Wanted. I can never remember what it's called since the name seems to have nothing whatever to do with the movie. Unlike Blade Runner for example which also had nothing to do with the movie but which actually sounded cool.
bad title, good movie:
gone baby gone
so so good, but the title makes it sound like it's going to be a really long country music video
Honestly who wouldn't want to see a movie titled "The Men Who Stare at Goats?
Worst titles for me:
Slap her, She's French
Teeth
The Day After Tomorrow
Rocky
So, let me get this right: Michael Clayton is a bad title because the name isn't as "good" as Erin Brokovich. What a stupid complaint. How 'bout your next post be about bad blog posts that were posted just for the sake of making a post?
Pump Up The Volume with Cristian Slater.
It came out around the same time a the hip-hop/dance song of the same name and suffered because of it!
Nan: Actually, Zach is correct. A minority report is a vision that comes to only one of the three psychics. I recommended the movie to a friend and told her that, about half-way through the film, you say to yourself, "So THAT'S where the title comes from."
"Worst titles for me: Slap her, She's French"
Even the studio apparently decided that title was terrible, because they ended up changing it later. That movie's now called 'She Gets What She Wants.'
I wonder how things were before movies began in 1999.
Plenty of bad movie titles around, but I particularly love badly translated movie titles, like the foreign name for The Sixth Sense that revealed that Bruce Willis was dead all along! Sorta takes away from the twist ending... The weirdest translated name (and a bad movie title) is the Finnish translation of the Bud Spencer/Terence Hill movie "When you have a friend, you have a treasure" (or whatever, even the English name is ridiculously bad). The Finnish title is "Banaanipojat Hula-hula-saarella", i.e. Banana boys on Hula-hula-island. WTF?!? Fair enough, they're on a Pacific island, but what do the bananas have to do with anything? Not to mention that the term "banana boy" is also a Finnish slang term for a gay guy, which just takes the weirdness to a whole new level... I mean, I love me some Hoyay, but in this case, I'm not exactly seeing it.
The speech centre of your brain has clearly lost track of its raison d'etre. Quantum is a term that has nothing to do with physics other than its use as a noun. Quantum - coming from the Latin quantus, meaning how much (from where we also derive quantity), is a term used everyday in the legal system in its original function denoting a measure, or amount. Hence Quantum of Solace literally translates to "a measure of consolation", which makes perfect sense in context as Quantum directly follows (and is inextricably linked to) the events of Casino Royale. Also the titling of Hot Fuzz like the film itself is satire. Bad recapper! Think before you blog, you're making the subltety fairy cry!
Angel Cohn has the market cornered on bad blog posts lately.
Matilda, if you're talking about this post, it says Zach Oat wrote it, not Angel. If you're talking about different posts, then comment on their comments section.
And JesseSP, he mentions that he's only going to look at the last decade which makes perfect sense to me. They're examples people would be most likely to understand. It would be difficult to represent Best Movies with the Worst Titles ever since the dawn of film.
Maybe I'm weird, but I think Quantum of Solace sounds kind of badass.
Let us not forget a charming little British film with an awfully long name: The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain. It starred Hugh Grant, Colm Meaney and Tara Fitzgerald. I don't know whether to like it or hate it. It's terribly long, but on the other hand, it is a perfect little synopsis of the basic plot. LOL
Actually, the squid and the whale is also a reference to the animals at the Natural History Museum in NY where the old kid used to go with his mom and being really scared (also by the huge whale) and feel "safe" by mom and happy ... I think it couldn't have had a better title!!
love most of these titles, and the first three in particular. I'll not only remember them, but remember what the movie was about a lot longer than the same sounding generic titles most movies have.
Hot Fuzz actually has a very apt title. It's a comedy/satire of action flicks, and it's British.
Whatever. It's a great movie and I certainly would recommend it to ANYONE.
Zach Oat, you are a pathetic excuse of a writer and all of your critique always stems from your annoying stupid fanboy-ness. Shut the hell up and go find another job. A few years back, you'd never had seen stupid pointless junk such as this article on twop. Nowadays, it seems to be run by a bunch of geeks and twilight-sack-munching fangirls.
There's a movie from the sixties with Clark Gable and Sophia Loren called "It Happened In Naples". Only problem - the first two minutes of the film take place in Naples, and the entire rest of the movie is set in Capri. I spent the entire time wondering when they were going back to Naples and if what was happening there was more interesting than this film.....
So...Cloverfield is a great American monster movie? :(
wow you sir are retarded, "the men who kill goats with their mind"
gtfo
you lost all credibility.
"Squid vs. Whale?" Huh? You kill your argument making even worse suggestions. "The Squid and the Whale" works because the conflict is implied by their presence together in the title.
"Quantum of Solace" is a perfect title for a Bond movie where he's hell-bent on relentless revenge for 90 minutes straight. The end of the movie is perfect in that he finds it there, in the snow in Russia, having confronted Vesper's lover. He's found his quantum of solace so this story is over and Bond is ready to move on and kick ass. I hate when people complain about this title without putting the events of both Craig Bond films in context.
Best Title EVAR! Surf Nazi's Must Die!"
Wow...smug, self-important jerks leaving snarky and overly critical comments on someone's blog? How original.
yeah I know right! doesn't everyone know that the "comments" section is reserved for positive feedback only! I mean its like welcome to the internet people! here's an original idea, let's tell those people that they suck so we can feel good about ourselves. wow hostility in text format really makes me snarky.
moving on...
Bad title: No Country for Old Men, why hasn't that been mentioned???
Also Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is an odd one. But after I saw it, it definitely became the best title ever.
out some more later ..
"Pizza fit students’ needs perfectly," Zangrilli said.
But it wasn’t just the taste that Americans liked.
I've decided 2 make it a fair fight in fantasy fb 2day against u. My team will not wear helmets or shoulder pads. #JKLFL
Let us not forget that Reagan's future vp (Bush) and cia chief (Casey) met with the Ayatolla Khomeini behind the back of the then-current Carter administration (treason) and arranged for Iran to keep the American hostages until after the election. In return Iran got, at the very least, a conduit thru which to illegally receive missiles and other armaments--which came to light when traitor Ollie North got busted taking the missile $$$ and giving it to friends in Central America who turned out, naturally enough, to be drug smugglers USA-bound. Ah, the good old days...