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In the movie Brothers, Natalie Portman is faced with a tough choice -- Jake Gyllenhaal or Tobey Maguire? Maguire plays her husband, a soldier who is believed killed in the war in the Middle East, and Gyllenhaal plays Maguire's brother, who comforts his sibling's wife and daughters. Gyllenhaal and Portman fall in love -- naturally, because, look at them -- but when Maguire is discovered alive, he returns home and finds that his family has moved on without him. Portman has kids with Maguire, and Maguire may have a little bit of post-traumatic something-something going on, which makes the decision a lot more complicated than a simple one-or-the-other choice, but seeing the two in romantic competition with each other got us thinking: Who would we choose, given the choice between all of the characters each actor has played? We paired up logical competitors from Tobey's and Jake's resumes and called out their pros and cons for a romantic, cinematic battle for the ages.
Peter Parker (Spider-Man) vs. Sam Hall (The Day After Tomorrow)
Peter: Spins a web any size; constantly late to the theater.
Sam: Outraces cold weather; lives in frozen library.
Winner: Peter! (Though if Gyllenhaal had taken over for Maguire in this role, like it was speculated, it would have been a tie, or much more complicated.)
David (Pleasantville) vs. Donnie Darko (Donnie Darko)
David: Can travel into old television shows, interested in art: watches a lot of television shows.
Darko: Can travel through time and space, interested in philosophy; may be a sociopath.
Winner: David!
Homer Wells (The Cider House Rules) vs. Jimmy Livingston (Bubble Boy)
Homer: Is trained to perform abortions if necessary; lives in an orphanage.
Jimmy: Will pursue his true love to the ends of the earth; lives in a plastic bubble.
Winner: Jimmy!
Red Pollard (Seabiscuit) vs. Jack Twist (Brokeback Mountain)
Red: Successful jockey; prone to injury, partially blind in one eye.
Jack: Successful rodeo rider; prone to infidelity, bi-curious.
Winner: Red!
James Leer (Wonder Boys) vs. Robert Graysmith (Zodiac)
James: Talented writer; compulsive liar, killer of dogs.
Robert: Talented cartoonist; compulsive investigator of serial killers.
Winner: Robert!
Who would you choose, Tobey or Jake? Assume complete and utter sanity in both, and rock the vote below.
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Jake. Jake. Jake.
Interesting how being bi-curious is a con, especially for dudes. Bi-curious chicks are fine though. *eye-roll*
Jake
Jake. A million times over.
Damn Right Jake.
Darko was robbed!
Yeah, I'm not happy about the bi-curious being a con either.
It should definately be a pro!
I think it's a definite pro. Jake all the way. The point is that he's sexy, and Tobey (bless his heart) is nont.
Who said anything about being Bi was a con. I didn't get that when I read the statements, you (tj, and doublestandard) said it was a con. Anyway Jake wins and lighten up.
jake. no question.
Tobey. He's Spider-Man!
Look at the structure of the article. Each entry for each character is broken up by a semi-colon (except one typoed colon) with the first part obviously being a positive. The second parts ("compulsive liar, killer of dogs") are pretty clearly being offered as negatives. "Bi-curious" is on the con side of the semi-colon.
Neither?
I don't think being bi-curious is a con. However, in the case of that character, he was not being honest with the woman in his life. He was hiding who he was and lying about where he was and what he was doing. That definitely belongs on the 'con' side of the voting process.
I think Jake's lovely, but my vote's for Tobey. He's Spider-man, and Peter Parker, and I liked him in Cider House and Wonder Boys, and did you see his abs in Spider-man? Come on! :)
TOBEY! TOBEY! TOBEY!
Now if only they had cast Kirsten Durst as the wife in Brothers. Then things would have gotten interesting! But there would have been too many outtakes of Tobey and Jake laughing over how they both have traded way up.
Bi-curious? Not a con, esp in a guy as gorgeous as Jake! "Prone to infidelity" was probably the deciding factor in that match-up.
JAKE! No contest.
I think that prone to infidelity was a con, not the bi-curious.
yeah if you get offended for the whole bi-curious thing- wow. jake got points docked for kissing a guy- i go with tobey
I think Tobey is "no homo" The fact that I see no difference in their acting LOL. But Tobey all the way because this dude is charming and way hotter than Jake no HOMO.
Jake
As this must be a rhetorical question, there is no need for me to answer: 'Jake'