Jennifer's Body
So, Megan Fox, how's that "I'm a bad girl, I make men go crazy, I say outrageous things that I don't mean" thing going for you? Not good, huh? Thinking about dialing it back a bit? Showing a little humility? Maybe trying to win back the half of the movie-going public that hates you? The female half? The half that likes to go to horror movies with their boyfriends? Especially horror movies written by women with strong female leads? This movie wasn't bad. In fact, it was pretty good, except for the utterly gratuitous lesbian make-out scene, which comes out of left field and seems to have been filmed entirely for the commercials. Guys'll line up to see your tiny waist in Jonah Hex, but if you're serious about wanting to do real acting, you're gonna need to win back the ladies in order to get the good roles.

Paranormal Activity
Own the horror phenomenon that was made for under $15,000 and grossed over $100 million! And just came out in theaters only two and a half months ago! Buy it now, before the excitement wears off, like it inevitably did with The Blair Witch Project! In fact, buy a collector's edition at twice the price! Quick! Hurry! Whoops, too late.

9
I get that this was based on a 2005 short film with the same name, but did nobody look at the calendar for 2009 and see that this would also be the year of sci-fi actioner District 9 and musical spectacle Nine? Seriously. Pick a more distinctive title, so people will go see your awesome movie.

A Perfect Getaway
This horror film is truly a feast for the eyes. Milla Jovovich is beautiful, the Hawaiian scenery is gorgeous and Steve Zahn is... well, we hear he's a very nice guy.

Carriers
While we don't necessarily trust Stephen King's advice in all arenas, the master of horror did call this movie one of the best films of the year. And who knew Chris Pine was in another movie besides Star Trek?

Also out this week:
Princess of Mars We're sure Pixar's John Carter of Mars movie will be excellent, but will it have Traci Lords and Antonio Sabato Jr. in it? We think not.
Vampire Killers Formerly known as Lesbian Vampire Killers, before the decision was made to change the title from tasteless to simply bland.
The Marine 2 You're not fooling anyone, Marine 2. Ted DiBiase Jr. is no John Cena. Who is still no Jason Statham.
Weather Girl On the one hand,. Jane Lynch shows up briefly in this movie. On the other hand, it looks terrible.