1. Make It R-Rated
The fourth movie was fun and all (though of course very, very stupid), but the confines of a PG-13 rating precluded John McClane from not only saying his own catchphrase, but from graphically and gorily ripping the spines out of thieves disguised as terrorists while swearing incessantly as well, which is, of course, the whole point of John McClane. Die Hard 5 should be loud, bloody and full of considerably more F-words than Kevin Smiths.

2. No Sidekicks
For any reason. Not to teach us moral lessons about tolerance (thanks for nothing, Sam Jackson!), and certainly not to teach us about ridiculously implausible tech security threats (go to hell, Justin Long!). If he's going to have an ally to joke around with, make it someone similar to him to keep the buddy cop clichés at bay, and keep that person remote, so we still feel like McClane is in this all alone. Just give us Carl Winslow back, basically.

3. Put McClane Back Into a Confined Space
It was the beauty of the first movie, and accounted for much of what made the story believable, something that was lost on the sequels. Yes, he's learned what a microwave dinner feels like, but does he know what a baguette in a SmartCar feels like? (Get it? Europe.)

4. Don't Base It on the Dumbest Plot I Have Ever Heard Of
I know Bruce Willis wants John McClane to do some damage "worldwide" this time around, but if that means we're getting anything akin to a "Fire Sale" in Riyadh, I'm crossing over into the alternate universe, grabbing the two Gruber brothers from the other side, bringing them back over, Walter Bishop-style, and sending them after his ass. Which brings me to...

5. No New Gruber Brothers
Unless it's Mac Gruber, of course.

Your Die Hard 5 ideas? Leave 'em below!

And in the spirit of making fun of Bruce Willis's career choices, take a gander at Our Favorite Bruce Willis Acting Robots!

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