The Overhead Shots
New Moon had that terrible circulating shot where the camera just spun around Bella for like 15 minutes while the seasons changed, but this one is obsessed with shooting everything from above, from houses to chase scenes to cars driving, they must have spent the entire budget on these shots... well, that, and the hair person who actually made Kristen Stewart's mop look shiny and full of body. That person deserves a raise.

Zooming in on Jacob's chest
When they weren't busy shooting people running from above, the director and DP made the not-altogether-unwise choice to focus in on Taylor Lautner's chest. Ostensibly, it was often meant to show that he has a beating heart, as opposed to Edward, but it really seemed like more of an excuse to show off Lautner's newly ripped physique. Nice for some viewers, but still pandering and so blatantly obvious that the joke about him never wearing a shirt got a huge roar from the audience.

The Sparkling Scenes
You would think that, now that we're on the third film, they would have found a way to make the sparkling look less like Edward just stepped into a Swarovski store and they turned on a glittery disco ball, but you'd be wrong.

The Less-Than-Sparkling Dialogue
A lot of this dialogue is taken straight from Ms. Meyer's book, but somehow it reads less corny than it sounds when verbalized. I should have learned this when I staged my dramatic reading of this for my friends, but it really took this particular film for it to hit home. When Bella says, "From now on, I'm Switzerland" when she can't decide between the two hunky fellas, I audibly groaned. If the theatergoers around me hadn't been quite so verbal about talking to the screen and each other throughout the film, I might have felt bad.

Jacob Being All Serious
Jacob professing his love for Bella all seriously? Funniest thing I've seen in ages. He just looks like a lost little puppy dog. OK, maybe it wasn't so ridiculous, as this was probably one of the most realistic teen moments of the film, but the delivery is just so overacted that it's hard to take him seriously as a love interest for Bella. His pouty wishing her dead? Adorable, but that totally misses the point.

Bella's Occasionally Random Voiceovers
The film starts with Kristen Stewart's voice as she reads poetry, which makes some sense, but then the voiceover disappears. That is, until there's one random sequence where Jacob and Edward are both standing guard at Bella's house, and all of a sudden the voiceover picks up again... and then fades off for good. Not that I particular care about Bella's really deep thoughts, but I wish that they would have made up their minds if they were using that technique or not.

The "Scary" Music
I love that the scoring of this movie is so crazily obvious that they feel the need to play music that is supposed to give you chills when someone is in danger. However, the orchestrations they selected don't sound even vaguely ominous, and instead come across as some little kid trying to play spooky music on a tinkly piano.

The Entire Tent Sequence
I'm not even sure where to start, but when Bella is freezing in a pup-tent with Edward unable to provide her warmth, Jacob (who is standing by), comes in from the blizzard, totally unclothed and warms her up... while Edward is watching. And makes comments about how she'd heat up faster if she was naked. He and Edward also basically have a dick-measuring contest over Bella's head once she's asleep.

The Graduation Speech
Apparently, someone realize that Anna Kendrick was the most credible actress in this entire mess and decided that they needed to give her something to do. They saddled her with a graduation speech that was all about not making rash life-changing decisions post-high school and instead just making crazy mistakes. It was a way for the filmmakers to focus more on Bella's big "choice", and even though Kendrick did her best delivery, it was unnecessary and just way too obvious.

Patting a Human/Wolf
Sure, the wolf pack looks cuddly in their were-forms, but it seems more than a little condescending that, when nuzzled by giant wolf Jacob, Bella would react by petting him on the head, as if he was a puppy who retrieved a frisbee instead of her giant beast of a best friend who's about to put his life at risk in order to protect her mostly useless ass.

Rosalie Trying to be Badass
Nikki Reed is not now, nor will she ever be, able to pull off a tough chick. I've often complained about her miscasting as the most beautiful, ethereal creature in the world (and I still stand by that), but during her flashback she's supposed to be a classy beauty who gets gang-raped by her fiancé and his friends and then goes on a vengeance spree while wearing her wedding dress. She doesn't quite get there. Her angry face is completely laughable.

The Waiting Game
Sure, vampires having sex with humans could kill them, but seeing Edward almost have sex with his beloved Bella and then stop and then basically coerce her into marrying him (by asking like 20 times, even though she repeatedly claims not to believe in marriage... especially at her age) is somehow less honorable and more like he's just kind of not that into her. And then he does let Jacob sleep next to her, instead of buying one of those sub-zero sleeping bags. And he doesn't even take her to their graduation party. And he only buys her a grad gift after Jacob gives her something. Some boyfriend.

The Sheer Amount of Screen Time Devoted to People Standing Still
There's a war brewing, so the Cullen clan just stands there. Literally stands there. For ages. Yes, they were waiting for the newborn vampires to arrive so they'd have the home-field advantage, but just standing there... we don't need to see that. The werewolf pack also spends a great deal of time just standing on a porch. Did someone forget to tell the folks with non-speaking roles that they needed to pay attention?

Eternal Vampires Changing Their Appearance
I didn't think that I'd be bothered by Bryce Dallas Howard taking over/stealing the Victoria role from Rachelle Lefevre, but I really was. Even though the actresses have a similar appearance, it was highly distracting to me that a vampire who is supposed to look the same for hundreds of years looks different now. Not to mention the fact that Bryce Dallas Howard should be able to do so much better. Her vacant, vaguely lusty, slightly bloodthirsty portrayal of this film's baddest bad girl was pretty terrible. However, I did like it when her head was forcibly removed from her body. That part was satisfying.

Never Mind the Weather
I am from Maine. I know all about going out in the snow without the proper attire. However, in this film, on the day after a major blizzard in which Bella was forced to huddle with Jacob for warmth, when it still seems to be sporadically snowing, it should have been brisk or at least quite chilly. That doesn't matter to Bella, as she is wandering around in a pair of too-tight jeans, an unbuttoned flannel shirt rolled up to her elbows and absolutely no coat or gloves or whatever for quite a while. Long enough for her to have deep conversations with Edward and Jacob about the state of their relationships and watch her boyfriend decapitate her mortal enemy. If cuddling up to Jacob and kissing him can give off enough body heat to keep her warm all day, send me one of those werewolves next winter. I could save money on coats and my heating bill.

The Lord of the Rings-Style Neverending Ending
It doesn't matter to me where the book left off, but cinematically it would have been far more dramatic to have it end after the Volturi had issued their threats, with the fate of Jacob up in the air and a sense of uncertainty. Instead, after the fade to black, we saw Bella trek down to the reservation to see an injured Jacob and crush his spirit some more, and then there was another fade to black which led to her playing in the fields with Edward, finally putting on her engagement ring and joking about her dad. Sure, it's a happier ending that way -- well, unless you consider the fact that a teenage girl is basically agreeing to kill herself so that she can be with the man she loves before she gets wrinkles and needs botox -- but I guess the romantics don't want to dwell on that.

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