So. We've all seen Single White Female, yes? Well, The Roommate is like if that movie knew even less about mental illness, nothing about screenwriting and also made you watch Blair Waldorf masturbate and murder a kitten (not simultaneously, though I wouldn't doubt there was a draft of this script that had it that way). Minka Kelly plays a girl who starts off her first semester at fashion school (of course it's fashion school), and at first, everything is perfect. She falls in love with a guy who intentionally spills beer on her boobs at a frat party (swoooooon); her favorite professor, esteemed style icon Billy Zane (yep), wants to take her to Paris Fashion Week; there are people from The CW walking around everywhere -- it's great! But as time goes on, her roommate (Leighton Meester) is revealed to be a psycho stalker and homicidal maniac super-genius who wants to take the place of Minka Kelly's dead sister in her life. Creepy!

Except it's somehow not creepy. This thing is rated PG-13 only for the weird masturbation scene that I did not need in my life (and between this and the Drew Barrymore one I had to watch a few months ago, it's hard not to start taking this personally). Everything else is very light on both gore and smut, the camera always turning away before things get good, and every attempt at a cheap scare is just that -- a mild imitation of the real thing you've seen in much better movies.

I will say that The Roommate is the closest thing to a CW Justice League you'll ever see. Aside from Leighton Meester (Gossip Girl), Nina Dobrev (The Vampire Diaries), Aly Michalka (Hellcats), Danneel Harris (One Tree Hill), Matt Lanter (90210) and Katerina Graham (TVD again) are all in the movie, which I was not prepared for and which basically made my head explode every time a new person was revealed. Even the worst fan fiction ever is still kind of awesome fan fiction when The CW is involved. If you ever do see this, do it for that experience alone, because every other criterion on which to judge movies is severely lacking with this thing.

Could Leighton Meester become the next Michelle Williams? See a ranking of CW/WB stars' movie careers.

Did you see The Roommate? Tell us what you thought in the comments, then see our list of the creepiest movie stalkers ever!

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