Footloose: Five Ways to Modernize the Remake

The day that every child of the '80s has dreaded is here: the just-released trailer for Craig Brewer's Footloose confirms that this remake of the beloved 1984 classic is a real thing that will actually be in theaters in October to teach a whole new generation about the dangers of censorship and the exhilaration of dancing around abandoned warehouses in a wife beater. Based on this early glimpse, Footloose 2.0 looks an awful lot like its predecessor, right down to the VW Bug our hero Ren (professional dancer Kenny Wormald slipping into the tight, tight jeans previously worn by Kevin Bacon) drives around the small Southern burg of Bomont, which has banned dancing and "dangerous" music after five kids died in a car accident following a wild party. Sure there's a lot of truth to the old saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," but there are a few ways Brewer could update the '84 version to reflect this modern age. For example...

Dude, Where's My Cell Phone?
The fact that none of the kids in the remake appear to have an iPhone, Droid X or even a freakin' enV is a major logical error. Not only would a cell phone be handy for sending nasty IMs to the preacher's daughter Ariel (Julianne Hough) -- y'know things like "OMG ur OF dad is a total PITA" -- but how else are the teens going to snap candid shots of themselves wilding out that they can post to Facebook or Twitter? And speaking of social media, why aren't they using those outlets to protest the town dance ban instead of those dumb cards that Ren is seen hanging on lockers in the trailers? If he really wanted to get his peers riled up and involved, he should just set up a Facebook group or come up with some kind of hashtag handle, like #FreeBomont or #DanceDanceRevolution. C'mon guys, what century is this movie supposed to be taking place in anyway?

Video Viruses
One of the many awesome things about Step Up 2: The Streets (easily the crowning achievement of the Step Up franchise) is the way it makes the whole viral video phenomenon an actual plot point. Given that Bomont is a place where people randomly seem to start dancing in groups whenever the mood strikes them, why isn't anyone filming these flash mobs and putting them up on YouTube for the whole world to see? With all the views they'd get, maybe they could land a coveted spot on Tosh.0.

So Ren Thinks He Can Dance?
Back in the '80s, reality TV star wasn't a viable career option. But these days, there are at least a dozen different shows that Ren could aspire to dance his ass off on rather than waste his time in small-town America. (Well, except Dance Your Ass Off, which Oxygen seems to have canned after two seasons.) He could even film his warehouse freakout and use it as an audition reel for So You Think You Can Dance or America's Best Dance Crew.

Easy Reading
In the original film, the elders of Bomont weren't too much interested in book learnin', famously banning Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five from being taught in school and hosting a good old-fashioned book burning to cleanse the town of other impure works of art. The good news for their descendants is that so few teens bother to read anymore, which means they don't have any books to burn in the first place. (If any pyromaniacal adults get desperate, they can always round up their kids' old copies of those demonic Harry Potter novels, which aren't too popular in many Southern states.) That said, a worldlier teen like Ren probably has an E-reader or two stashed away. In fact, when he shows up at the city council meeting to school them in the Bible, he should quote passages to them from the version he keeps on his iPad.

Remix This!
Let's face it: people don't remember Footloose fondly for its drama or brilliant acting. The main thing that sticks in your brain are those catchy (and so, so '80s) pop songs. No word yet on what the remake's soundtrack will consist of, but they can't pass up the opportunity to do a few new covers of the old hits, right? Just imagine Lea Michele belting "Let's Hear It for the Boy" with a drive-by appearance by Nicki Minaj. Or maybe Rihanna and Drake re-teaming for a hip-hop infused version of "Holding Out for a Hero." The possibilities are endless...much like our affection for Footloose.

Watch the trailer below and sound off in the comments with your own ideas for how to best update Footloose.

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2 Comments

June 23, 2011 2:32 PM
MsStangalang
Reply

As someone who has a love for 80s teen flicks and grew up listening to the Footloose soundtrack, this movie kind of makes me wanna puke. And I have to agree with you on the whole "update" thing. The rationale for banning dancing just doesn't seem to hold up in my mind. Wouldn't it make more sense to be more strict about letting your underage kids drink at these raging dance parties? That is what got those teens killed in the first place, right? The fact that they were drinking their faces off while they got their groove on. Or were they just so pumped with adrenaline, they were too distracted to notice a huge truck approaching. I guess, I'm just trying to say, the plot looks weak. The dancing, however, looks awesome.

August 20, 2011 11:00 PM
Liliam
Reply

Steallr work there everyone. I'll keep on reading.

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