<i>G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra</i> and the Lowering of Expectations

I've figured out what it is about Stephen Sommers' movies that I absolutely despise. It's the fact that at no point in any of his films do I feel like any of what I'm watching is real. And it's not the mummies and the vampires and Sienna Miller's cleavage that make me think that -- it's the way the actors talk to each other, the way the music never stops, and the way that at no point does any character close his mouth. Every last moment is filled with dialogue, which isn't how the world works, and the constant music fills in any scenes they accidentally forgot to record dialogue for. At least Michael Bay had one or two scenes in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with no music or no dialogue, and it seemed to be entirely on purpose. Meanwhile, Sommers has actually made a movie that may be worse than Van Helsing, which is saying something. Specifically, it's saying that there is no slam-dunk movie idea that Sommers cannot ruin, or at least make enjoyable only by slightly dim children.

Straight Outta Amsterdam

by Zach Oat June 25, 2008 10:26 am
Straight Outta Amsterdam

Finally, another reason to go to Amsterdam! You know, besides the culture. Cinema Expo is happening this week in the Dutch city of sin, and the studios are unraveling their 2008-2009 slates for an international crowd. Here's what's been lighting up the message boards:

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