<i>G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra</i> and the Lowering of Expectations

I've figured out what it is about Stephen Sommers' movies that I absolutely despise. It's the fact that at no point in any of his films do I feel like any of what I'm watching is real. And it's not the mummies and the vampires and Sienna Miller's cleavage that make me think that -- it's the way the actors talk to each other, the way the music never stops, and the way that at no point does any character close his mouth. Every last moment is filled with dialogue, which isn't how the world works, and the constant music fills in any scenes they accidentally forgot to record dialogue for. At least Michael Bay had one or two scenes in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with no music or no dialogue, and it seemed to be entirely on purpose. Meanwhile, Sommers has actually made a movie that may be worse than Van Helsing, which is saying something. Specifically, it's saying that there is no slam-dunk movie idea that Sommers cannot ruin, or at least make enjoyable only by slightly dim children.

G.I. Woes

by Zach Oat July 25, 2008 12:08 pm
G.I. Woes

No, I'm not having gastro-intestinal problems. Well, I am, but that's a story for another time. No, by "G.I. Woes," I mean that the G.I. Joe live-action movie, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, is seemingly going down a very strange, woe-begotten path. (And I don't mean the path to pornography that the film's subtitle implies. Apparently, "Arousal of Python" was already taken.)

I Want My DVD: Tuesday, July 30, 2013

by Ethan Alter July 30, 2013 6:00 am
I Want My DVD: Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Are these really the best Real American Heroes we've got?

Super Bowl 2012: Judging the Movie Trailers

by Ethan Alter February 6, 2012 9:34 am
Super Bowl 2012: Judging the Movie Trailers

Almost as notable as the movie trailers we saw during the Super Bowl were the trailers we didn't see. For example, there was no Dark Knight Rises teaser (Warner Bros. clearly knew they didn't need any extra publicity for what's likely to be the summer's biggest hit), no Amazing Spider-Man, nothing for Pixar's latest offering Brave and zilch for Ridley Scott's kinda sorta Alien prequel Prometheus. On the other hand, we got our first good shot of the Avengers all assembled together, a second peek at The Hunger Games (which actually aired during the Super Bowl pre-show, but we'll count it) and what appears to be a Transformers spin-off called Battleship. Here's our take on what Hollywood had to show us, listed in alphabetical order:

Straight Outta Amsterdam

by Zach Oat June 25, 2008 10:26 am
Straight Outta Amsterdam

Finally, another reason to go to Amsterdam! You know, besides the culture. Cinema Expo is happening this week in the Dutch city of sin, and the studios are unraveling their 2008-2009 slates for an international crowd. Here's what's been lighting up the message boards:

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