Battleship: Your Burning Questions Answered

by Ethan Alter May 18, 2012 6:02 am
<i>Battleship</i>: Your Burning Questions Answered

Everything you wanted to know about Battleship but didn't bother asking.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon: Oh, the Humanity!

by Ethan Alter June 29, 2011 6:00 am
<i>Transformers: Dark of the Moon</i>: Oh, the Humanity!

In the run-up to the release of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the third entry in the feature film franchise based on the old Hasbro toy line, director Michael Bay has been telling anyone who'll listen that the new film won't commit the sins of its predecessor, the widely loathed Revenge of the Fallen. From where I sat though, Dark of the Moon played like more of the same: a largely incoherent assembly of eardrum-shattering, chaotically-choreographed action sequences that are occasionally interrupted by hilariously campy dramatic moments and painfully unfunny bits of "comedy," as well as a few randomly inserted slow-mo money shots of one of the interchangeable CGI-robots actually transforming in a desperate attempt to make the audience think they're having a good time.

Is Freddy Ready For New Elm Street?

by Tippi Blevins December 12, 2008 11:16 am
Is Freddy Ready For New <i>Elm Street</i>? So picture Jason Voorhees, Leatherface, Chucky, and Pinhead sitting at table in a dimly lit hotel ballroom. Nearby, a bored DJ periodically remembers to change to a new song, and other people sit around their own tables picking at cold chicken and linguini, reminiscing over their glory days. It's like your worst high school reunion, except instead of the quarterback who used to torture you, these are the horror icons of the '70s and '80s whose movies have been remade, rebooted, or reimagined. Suddenly, the doors swing wide and in strides a guy in a green and red sweater and skin even worse than yours when you worked the whole summer standing over the deep fryer at the local burger hut. It's Freddy Krueger, natch, and he announces he's joining the group: The Nightmare on Elm Street remake has just gotten the green light. Then he throws in some kind of terrible pun for old time's sake and the others commiserate with him.

Revenge Robots Revealed

by Zach Oat June 9, 2008 2:22 pm
<I>Revenge</I> Robots Revealed

So here's the thing -- after barely keeping things under control following last week's news, my excitement over the next Transformers movie, Revenge of the Fallen, is kicking into overdrive. Something in my brain is getting me all worked up over all this stuff that I'm hearing and seeing, and no amount of Bumblebee urinating on John Turturro in my head seems to help. Oh well, I'm just going to embrace it. So maybe I get severely disappointed later on -- big deal! Welcome to my life.

Pain & Gain: Pump It Up

by Ethan Alter April 26, 2013 8:00 am
<i>Pain & Gain</i>: Pump It Up

As improbable as it might sound, Pain & Gain is Michael Bay's attempt a Coen Brothers picture -- his Fargo or Burn After Reading if you will. Like both of those films (which rank amongst my own personal favorite Coen-made movies), Pain & Gain is a dark comedy about a group of very dumb, very greedy, very selfish and all-around not very nice people who apply their distinct lack of smarts and skills to crime and wind up failing spectacularly. But where the Coens were only kidding about Fargo being based on a true story, Pain & Gain's claims to legitimacy aren't manufactured. The crime dramatized here really did go down in Miami in the mid-'90s and while details have almost certainly been altered to fit Bay's glossy, hedonistic vision, Pain & Gain is, funnily enough, probably more historically accurate than the director's recreation of Pearl Harbor.

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