The rebooted Star Trek series heads Into Darkness... and not in a good way.

Okay, maybe "tackles" is a slight exaggeration. Here was the situation: In a massive auditorium at the Jacob Javits Center, a really idiotic woman got up to ask a question. While everyone else had somewhat interesting queries for Jared Padalecki (presumably the hero), Derek Mears (Jason) and producers Brad Fuller and Andrew Form, one woman was clearly there only because of the dreaminess that is Padalecki (and no... it wasn't me. I swear). She stood in front of a crowd of fans who had just enthusiastically cheered for the very brutal and somewhat impressively disgusting first five minutes of Friday the 13th that were screened and admitted she wasn't a horror fan. This caused Mears to faux-storm off the panel and Padalecki to chase after him, physically stop him from running off and calm him down. It was much more hysterical than it sounds.

As they do every Halloween-time, TV programmer people are unloading a barrage of scary movies this week, and I for one will not be watching any of them. As you might have gleaned from previous things I've written, I do not like being scared. I don't like the dark. I don't like ghosts or anything paranormal -- unless it is a sexy vampire, but that is pushing it people! Call me staid, boring, namby pamby. But if you insist on making me sit through Saw or Hostel or even the vintage shiz like The Exorcist and, like, Friday the 13th, you will have only yourself to blame when I pee on your couch.

I've culled a few of this week's spooky offerings from my trusty TV schedule and come up with fitting alternatives to the horror pics in an effort to combat the shrieky, jittery feelings I get when confronted with the likes of Jason, Freddy, Chuckie and Satan. If you're like me, you'll appreciate this little round-up. And if you're not, you'll enjoy laughing at my wussy ass. If anyone's looking for me, I'll be hiding under my blanket from now til November 1st with my arsenal of rom-com DVDs.