<I>Breaking Dawn, Part 2</I>: After About 12 False Endings, <i>Twilight</i> Is Finally Over!

Look, if you've seen the other four movies and loved them, you're going to love this one, too. If you enjoy hate-watching them (like we usually do), there's plenty for you here as well. If you hated them and somehow think this one is going to be miraculously better, then you've got another thing coming. Or, if you are like the young woman sitting behind us at the screening who had never seen any part of the saga before, you will ask a million questions throughout the movie about the characters, laugh at unfunny things and then think it was a quality movie. Don't be that person.

<I>Breaking Dawn: Part 1</I> — The Most Ridiculous <I>Twilight</i> Installment Yet!

As I said the last time I reviewed one of these Twilight "films", writing a proper review is utterly pointless because the fans of these books are going to go see it, no matter how hard any critic out there may try and dissuade them. But while I really despised the majority of Eclipse, I've been desperately in need of a good laugh and there is nothing more preposterous than the fourth installment in this series. The Breaking Dawn book was so insanely bizarre that I almost couldn't wait to see this dreck in living color. And... it was everything I could have hoped for and worse. And don't worry, Twiharders, Bill Condon does absolutely nothing to elevate the quality of this material, so you don't need to imagine that an acclaimed director was somehow able to change the ridiculous storytelling of Stephenie Meyer and make it passable for normal human consumption. It is still the terrible mess that she created, now with bonus terrible acting. And it's stretched out for two movies. They want all your money. After seeing where they ended this one, and watching how padded out this was, there is absolutely no reason this couldn't be a single film. This isn't The Hobbit, it's Twilight. Even worse, this first installment didn't even end where it logically should have based on the novel -- instead, it kept going for what seemed like an eternity. Still, I did laugh... a lot. So here's a look at the most ridiculous things about the film. [If you are a spoilerphobe and actually care about Twilight, stop reading now.]

I Want My DVD: Tuesday, November 5, 2013

by Ethan Alter November 5, 2013 6:00 am
I Want My DVD: Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Channing Tatum's attempt to be the next John McClane goes down.

I Want My DVD: Tuesday, February 26, 2013

by Ethan Alter February 26, 2013 6:00 am
I Want My DVD: Tuesday, February 26, 2013

We talk about PTA's The Master once more, with feeling. Read Full Entry »

I Want My DVD: Tuesday, February 7, 2012

by Ethan Alter February 7, 2012 6:00 am
I Want My DVD: Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Forget White Castle -- Harold and Kumar have entered the Claymation dimension.

The 16 Most Ridiculous Things About Eclipse

by Angel Cohn July 1, 2010 2:29 pm
The 16 Most Ridiculous Things About <I>Eclipse</I>

I tore through these books a few years back like a crack addict desperate for a fix, but these movies... they might be the death of me. And yet, I still force myself to go see them to see just how terrible they are. On the one hand, they are hysterical (especially the newest one), but on the other hand, I'm not entirely sure that they're in on the joke. Like, should I be laughing when newborn vampires are eviscerating a poor soul because their leader Riley just has the dumbest look on his face? Probably not, but it totally makes me giggle to no end. Writing a review of this is pointless, since, judging by the hordes of teens and moms at the theater near my house at 10 PM, this movie is going to make a gazillion dollars no matter how awful it may be or how much of a set-up it is for the last two films (which have the most preposterous plot... I can't even...), and people will turn out in droves, plan parties, start rival gang wars, buy merchandise, set up shrines, etc... But before you're forced to take your favorite pre-teen (or drooling spouse) to the film, find out what insanity this latest Twilight installment has in store. Fair warning, the text below does contain a great deal of spoilers, but if you haven't read the books and you're planning on seeing this anyway, you probably really don't care.

New Moon: Werewolves, Vampires and Far Too Much Spinning

by Angel Cohn November 20, 2009 1:00 am
<I>New Moon</i>: Werewolves, Vampires and Far Too Much Spinning

First things first: I realize that no matter what I say about this movie, the Twi-hards are going to go see it. So if you fall into that category, go. I'm sure you'll love it (and you already got your tickets a month ago anyway), though I did hear quite a number of not-so-young ladies at the screening I attended complaining about the distinct lack of Edward (and Robert Pattinson's hair) in this film. But I'm guessing that most Twi-hards have read the books and are aware that this is the Jacob-centric installment. However, for the rest of the world that reads on here, be warned that spoilers abound.

New Moon Gets New Director and Maybe New Werewolf

by Tippi Blevins December 12, 2008 3:19 pm
<i>New Moon</i> Gets New Director and Maybe New Werewolf As everyone knows by now, Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke isn't directing the sequel, New Moon. Apparently, she's being replaced by Chris Weitz, who previously directed The Golden Compass. Weitz reportedly has a "solid relationship" with the big wigs at Summit Entertainment and although Weitz's agency has not confirmed the deal, Summit has "stopped negotiations" with other director hopefuls. Pre-production for the film could begin as early as this Monday. This isn't the only big change looming, though, as Summit might be looking to replace their original Jacob Black.

LaBeouf Lawyers Up, Stewart Rocks

by Kasey McDonald December 3, 2008 2:47 pm
LaBeouf Lawyers Up, Stewart Rocks

Sounds like some Hollywood agents were working over the holiday weekend. A couple of pieces of casting news have emerged today, and now that we're all emerging from our tryptophan hangovers we can get back to business, too. First up, Shia LaBeouf has signed on to star in the film adaptation of the new John Grisham thriller The Associate for Paramount. The novel, which will be published in January by Random House, tells the story of a Yale Law student (LaBeouf) who is manipulated into accepting a job at a prestigious law firm and given privileged information about a multi-billion dollar lawsuit. Being a Grisham novel, one would assume for nefarious purposes and with lots of running. The film will be produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura, who got the book while shooting the Transformers sequel with LaBeouf in the Middle East, and who, I feel I must note, produced both A Time to Kill and The Client, two movies I will watch whenever they are on TV, at any time.

Doo Dee Doo Doo, Doo Dee Doo Doo

by Tippi Blevins July 25, 2008 12:19 pm
Doo Dee Doo Doo, Doo Dee Doo Doo Cue the distinctive strains of the Twilight Zone theme! According to The Hollywood Reporter, "Warner Bros. and Leonardo DiCaprio's production company Appian Way are in the early stages of seeking material for a feature take on one or more episodes from the classic TV series." They mean the classic classic series with the smooth intros from writer and Zone mastermind Rod Serling, and not the more recent attempts to revive the show for TV. Nor are they "seeking to remake an episodic movie," referring to the 1983 film that comprised four separate stories and made me a just little bit scared of ambulance drivers. And Dan Aykroyd. And Creedence Clearwater Revival.

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