Dear Gerard Butler: You're Never Going to Be Statham Don't get me wrong; I think Gerard Butler is a talented enough guy. I also think he's handsome, funny on talk shows, generally inoffensive, and I found him to be one of the least annoying things about The Ugly Truth. So it's not like I don't think he should be a movie star, because, sure, why shouldn't he? It's just that I'm worried his career path is increasingly molding him to be a lesser Jason Statham in the end, and whether he's been trying to rival the Statham or this whole thing is just a coincidence, I still don't like it.

The Guy Richie Connection
The Statham of course has a long Richie connection, with Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998), Snatch (2000), and Revolver. And after Richie was past his filmmaking prime Gerard Butler starred as lead badass in RocknRolla last year. That's a downgrade for both Butler and the audience.

The Neveldine/Taylor Connection
The Statham starred in those lunatics' calling cards Crank and Crank 2. Then Gerard Butler starred in Gamer, the best scene of which features Michael C. Hall doing a Broadway number. So yeah, it's a lesser action work.

The My Wife and Child Were Murdered and I Want Vigilante Justice Connection
Gerard Butler has this week's Law Abiding Citizen; The Statham had last year's Death Race. Death Race was awful, but Law Abiding Citizen has Jamie Foxx and one of the hammiest trailers I've ever seen, so I haven't even seen it yet and I know it's likely not much better.

The Unremitting Bad Ass Connection
Gerard Butler has 300's Leonidas in his corner, admittedly one seriously tough unremitting bad ass. The Statham, on the other hand, is Chev Chelios and The Transporter, among many others. In this area, however, I will grant a tie, because that 300 poster and Gerard Butler's abs on it are iconic as hell. Though I still say Chelios takes him in a cage match, if one were ever arranged.

So stick to rom-coms is what I'm saying, Gerard Butler. They'll keep you more famous and just as rich as The Statham, and it won't matter that no one is really passionate about your work when you're so rich that Diddy parties on your yacht. Just ask Matthew McConaughey.




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Movies Without Pity

February 2012


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