MWoP Offers Up Some More Informative Movie Taglines

Sometimes movie taglines leave something to be desired. For example, the tagline for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is "Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments." Compare that to, say, Armageddon's "Time to kick some asteroid." I contend this was one of the most informative taglines ever, because it not only told you there'd be an asteroid in the movie, but the pun was so terrible that it also prepared you for the giant ball of crap that was about to hurtle into your local theater. There was also Alien's now-iconic "In space, no one can hear you scream." From that one line, you know it's going to be good and scary, and it's going to be good and scary in space. Just going from Benjamin Button's tagline, you'd never know what it was about. Is it something you'd find mass-inscribed in a Mother's Day card? Is it the personal philosophy of a mayfly? So to help you decide what to seek out (or what to avoid) here are are a few alternative taglines for recent, current and upcoming movies.

Gran Torino
"Here's one old guy you want to see behind the wheel of a car."

The Wrestler
"A far more moving combination of Mickey Rourke and spandex than you ever thought possible."

Seven Pounds
"Not the sequel to Six Degrees of Separation."

The Reader
"How you wish you'd been able to read about Huckleberry Finn."

"Doubt. Doubt. Let it all out. These are some things nuns are talking about."

My Bloody Valentine 3-D
"Out of theaters in time for Valentine's Day."

Hotel For Dogs
"Not as bad as Beverly Hills Chihuahua, won't make your kids cry like Marley & Me -- it's the thoroughly mediocre dog movie for the whole family!"

The Spirit
"Dead on arrival."

He's Just Not That Into You
"You're probably too busy to see me, and movie tickets are so expensive these days and you probably already had plans, so it's understandable if you can't make it. And anyway, you'll come see me when I'm out on DVD, right?"

The Pink Panther 2
"Everything you hated about the last movie is back, including that 'da burger' joke we overplayed the first time around!"

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
"It's sort of like if Mork & Mindy had given birth to Brad Pitt."

What are some of your alternative titles to new movies?




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Movies Without Pity

October 2013


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