Shia LaBeouf, Professional Protegé: Other Aging Stars He Should Take Over For

In Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Michael Douglas returns to the role of disgraced financial guru Gordon Gekko, but he's not the main character. No, our new Charlie Sheen in this scenario is Shia LaBeouf, who plays Gekko's protegé and future son-in-law. It's a role he's become pretty good at -- after all, he was basically Indiana Jones' intern in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and he scampered around after Keanu Reeves in Constantine and Will Smith in I, Robot like a little puppy dog. He could have a lucrative career just playing the hero-in-training, which is why we came up with a list of older leading men Shia should shadow in future films.

Mel Gibson, Lethal Weapon
Danny Glover may have been the one who was too old for this S#*! Back in the day, but now Mel Gibson is getting up there as well. Maybe in Lethal Weapon 5 Shia can grow his hair out and be back-up for a close-to-retirement Detective Martin Riggs, while Chris Rock's character from the last flick takes over the Sgt. Murtaugh spot. Or, they could just abandon continuity and forget about Chris Rock, as well as most of Lethal Weapon 4.

Bruce Willis, Die Hard
We can't see Justin Long filling John McClane's shoes any time soon, but LaBeouf definitely has the intensity needed to scream and run barefoot across a room full of broken glass while wearing a blood-stained tank-top and firing a machine gun. If Transformers has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's taught us that Shia knows how to run while screaming his fool head off.

Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry
We keep waiting for another Dirty Harry movie, but Clint keeps directing award-winning movies, so maybe it's time to hand the reins over to another hotshot, hard-headed cop? Get Clint to sign on for the first 15-20 minutes of the movie, just long enough to impart some rights-violating pearls of wisdom to a young detective -- conveniently named Harry -- before getting gunned down by one of his many enemies. Shia's going to have to learn how to play a man of clenched teeth and few words, but maybe they can wire his jaw shut.

Bruce Campbell, Evil Dead
We love Bruce, but it's been 30 years since he first played Ash, and My Name is Bruce didn't exactly give us confidence that he could step back into the role. Why not send a group of twentysomethings back to that original cabin in the woods, with LaBeouf as the last man standing when demons take over and kill his friends? A bearded, reclusive Ash can appear to teach Shia about the Necronomicon, and maybe help him cut off his hand when it goes bad. Starring Shia's real-life bad hand!

What character would you like to see Mr. LaBeouf take over? Comments below. Then read Shia's complaints about Steven Spielberg!

Check out the other '80s characters that should make a big screen comeback.

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Movies Without Pity

October 2013


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