Growing up in the 1980s, it was hard to avoid L.B. Rayne. The soulful crooner was ubiquitous, popping up every summer to write a catchy pop song about the latest movie blockbuster. But his biggest hit was arguably "Indiana Jones," his impeccably rhymed tribute to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, which came out... Okay, I'm just yanking your chain. The video is really the brainchild of Doogtoons founder Doug Bresler, who came up with the idea for a failed R&B singer with his brother Joe (who plays Rayne in the video) more than ten years ago. But the song is the perfect '80s pastiche, with cheesy rhymes and classic riffs in the vein of "Eye of the Tiger," and the visual elements -- Rayne jogging through the woods; a karate-kicking, violin-playing "Short Round" stand-in -- are wondrous to behold. Bresler promises more L.B. Rayne videos in the future, but for now, check out "Indiana Jones" after the jump.

As Zach mentioned yesterday in the Moviefile, there are rumors swirling about Cher playing Catwoman in Christopher Nolan's next Batman sequel. Or, rather, there were rumors. Over the weekend, the Telegraph was reporting that a "studio executive" said that Nolan wanted Cher to play the feline beauty as a "'vamp in her twilight years.'" Turns out it must have been Joe Magination, Senior Executive in Charge of Hooey, because a post at the Geeks of Doom has quashed that rumor. A response from Warner Bros. says simply: "Those casting rumors are untrue."

I fully admit that my inner twelve-year-old could not be suppressed when reading about James Franco and Sean Penn's new project Milk. I will even admit that the juvenile and annoying elementary school playground rhyme, "Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner..." popped into my head at the end of the first sentence and it took me about fifteen seconds to regain my composure. That said, I dare you to remain a grown-up while reading this. I won't say it can't be done, but then, you're probably a better person than me. The news here seems to be not the project itself--a film about politician and activist Harvey Milk (Penn), who in 1977 was the first openly gay American man to be elected to office--but that Penn, who will play Milk, and Franco, who will play one of his lovers, will don prosthetic penises in all their nude scenes. Dude. I can't even type "penis" without tittering. I hope the make-up artist who had to apply the prosthesis has a lot more decorum than I.

The Internet has brought us many, many things, including unlimited second-hand information, free pornography and numerous forums in which to express our socially unacceptable opinions without fear of reprisal. But one of the greatest things it's given us is the fake movie trailer. Sometimes used for harm (like the ones that claim to be legitimate trailers for in-production films), they can also be used for good, such as showing the world (and Hollywood producers) what your favorite cartoon or comic book might look like as a movie. Well, here are three of the coolest recent fake trailers I've found, and I wanted to share them with you.

Paris Hilton has finally found something that's not "hawt." No, it's not her career, it's National Lampoon's Pledge This. The folks who put their name on four Vacations, two Van Wilders and an Animal House are suing the latest Presidential candidate for not promoting the film as per her contract. Hilton stars and also produced the movie, made in 2006, and her $1 million payday included going on the road to promote the film. E! Online says she's being sued for $75,000 for "failing to provide 'reasonable promotion and publicity' for the film." Considering it was released straight-to-DVD, I question how Ms. Hilton could have successfully promoted it. What was she going to do? Go to people's houses?

Well, damn. It turns out our earlier report of a certain young star having to go through amputation surgery on the heels of a traumatic car accident have been greatly exaggerated. The LA Times has put the rumors to rest, as Shia LeBeouf's publicist emailed them this morning saying the rumor was "totally untrue." And though publicists have been known to lie through their teeth ("Brad and Jennifer are not having problems and are very happy"), I believe them on this one.

Welcome to today's episode of "When Keepin' It Fake Goes Bad!" News item: Using the patented New Yorker magazine "It's satire, folks!" excuse wasn't enough to keep Dreamworks from getting into hot water over its movie-within-a-movie website for Simple Jack. Simple Jack is a feature within Ben Stiller's upcoming war-and-blackface satire, Tropic Thunder, wherein Stiller's character, Tugg Speedman, attempts to win an Oscar by playing a mentally challenged man. The marketing folks at Dreamworks thought it would be a great idea to publicize the film-within-a-film by making a fake website for it. After all, it worked for their other film-within-a-film, Satan's Alley, as well as for Kirk Lazarus, the actor played by Robert Downey Jr. in Thunder. With Simple Jack, however, Dreamworks' marketing team got their pictures hung up on the jackass wall. Apparently nobody at the studio thought anyone would be offended by Simple Jack's tagline: "Once upon a time, there was a retard." They wuz WRONG! Folks got upset, and the website for Simple Jack got Simply Canned.

As a computer programmer with 21 years of experience, I am not unfamiliar with Microsoft products, nor am I unfamiliar with Microsoft tactics. So you'll have to forgive the cynicism as I report that Halo: The Movie may finally see the light of day. It appears that Stuart Beattie, the scribe responsible for G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, has written a spec script for Halo: Fall of Reach. LatinoReview.com offers numerous details on the plot, including the adapted screenplay's origins as a novel of the same name. The Team Xbox website (or as the MPAA would call it, Team NC-17Box) even has images of concept art made by conceptual artist Kasra Farahani. Sounds like it's a go, right? Not so fast, heavily panting gamers! One spec script and a few images by folks with free time does not a movie make.

We all have our pet issues here at Movies Without Pity. Zach likes to talk about comic book movies and his love of that terrible Watchmen trailer, the one that proves that Zack Snyder should get a torch enema from the Columbia Pictures lady. [Odie, I'll chalk that one up to jet lag. - Zach] And I like to bitch and moan about the resurgence of 3-D and how I can no longer perceive it. Well, to acknowledge the 5.4 earthquake that shook the City of Angels yesterday, I'm going to talk about another theater gimmick I'm pissed I can no longer perceive: Sensurround. No, I didn't have a freak butt-numbing accident; I can't perceive Sensurround because it no longer exists. But when it did, it first accompanied a cheesy, Oscar winning Chuck Heston movie called Earthquake.

Earlier today, I said that Angelina Jolie's impending birth of twins was being treated like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. You probably said, "didn't that guy's English teacher warn him about overuse of hyperbole?" Well, guess what? That suspenseful news conference the Associated Press kept pimping all morning has turned out just like a Shyamalan movie: There's a surprise twist, and it sucks. Jolie isn't having her babies anytime soon.