2012 Isn't John Cusack's First Cinematic Disaster

The new disaster movie to end all disaster movies known as 2012 enters theaters this weekend with John Cusack in the hero role. This film involves crashing aircraft carriers, tidal waves and the destruction of New York, California and the White House. It looks relentless and John Cusack looks like he's going to do his best to stop whatever is causing this worldwide annihilation... or at least avoid getting killed in the process. But while this is Cusack's first proper disaster flick, there are other movies he's made that turned out to be massive disasters of a different sort. Some might have even been considered career suicide. He's lucky he survived.

Must Love Dogs
Do we really have to explain why this comedy about internet dating was lame? This terribly written, cliché-riddled rom-com about lovelorn folks desperately seeking love by lying about their interests in their dating profiles had two decent stars (Cusack and Diane Lane) doing ridiculous things. Waste of both talent and cute dogs.

America's Sweethearts
It may not be cool to admit, but we were charmed by Notting Hill and the cute fake press junket that everyman Hugh Grant used to woo the famous Julia Roberts. However, this film, which also involves a press junket and Julia Roberts, just grated on our last nerve. If we want to learn more about rich and famous people having problems, we'll stick to reading gossip blogs.

War, Inc.
When Hilary Duff is the best thing about a movie that is supposed to be an edgy political satire, you know you're in trouble.

While some of Cusack's recent rom-coms haven't exactly been stellar (with the exception of the somehow watchable Serendipity) his turn to the horror genre wasn't exactly a wise move. This flick about being trapped in a motel with a killer on the loose was utterly generic. Though we admit all that rain was cool to look at.

Pushing Tin
Not as much a disaster as some of the others, but pretty boring nevertheless. If we want to watch anything involving Cusack and an airplane, it will be Con Air... or the ending of Say Anything.

We're still annoyed that we paid money to see this irritating horror movie. By the end, we were hoping that he'd stay trapped in that hotel room, while we couldn't wait to escape. Enough with the hotels and motels, John.

Martian Child
OK, we'll be honest, we barely recalled that this existed, and we definitely didn't see it. But we're also not sure that anyone else did, either. That's a sign of an epic disaster in our book. Yes, it's based on a touching memoir by acclaimed sci-fi author David Gerrold, but the film adaptation has sentimental trainwreck written all over it.

The Road to Wellville
It's a movie about chewing. That's right, chewing. Chewing food, we should add, not the gross kind of chewing that baseball players do. There's even a song about it in the film. There's also a lot of talk about colonics, putting yogurt in uncomfortable places and other fun digestive issues. 'Cause enemas are just so hysterical.

Well, guess they can't all be Better Off Dead. Leave your other suggestions for terrible John Cusack movies below. Or let us know if you are a big fan of Must Love Dogs. Fair warning, you may be mocked.




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